FanFic - Crashdown After Hours
"Growing Up, Growing Apart, and Falling in Love"
Part 7
by Dee
Disclaimer: Roswell, the characters, and situations are owned by the WB. No infringement intended.
Category: After Hours
Rating: NC-17
Over the next few weeks Liz lost fifteen pounds. In the days following Max's moving out she had at least been able to distract herself with Maria, whose antics had always made her laugh. But Maria was only able to stay for a few days. She had to get back to the recording studio and finish her album. And so Liz was eventually left alone. After Maria left Liz's days went from bad to worse. She pushed herself at school and at work relentlessly to keep from thinking about Max. As a result, she ate less and less, slept less and less. She felt like a zombie, going nowhere, doing nothing. Just existing. Liz hadn't thought her life could possibly get any worse. But now she knew differently.

She sat on the cold tile of the bathroom floor staring at the little white stick in disbelief. Two lines mean you are, one means you're not. The two lines stared back at Liz mockingly. Liz shook the stick, willing the lines to disappear. They remained resolutely. She hurled the home pregnancy kit across the bathroom in frustration. "Dammit!"

Of all the things she needed right now, being pregnant wasn't even on the list. Life was sucking already, did she really deserve more, Liz thought despondently. She hadn't spoken to Max in weeks. Every time she even made an attempt to talk to him he had blown her off. She had tried to eat lunch with him, but he suddenly lost his appetite when she came around. She called him at the bar but T.J. always said Max was busy when she did. Fed up with Max avoiding her she had personally gone down to the bar to talk to him. Max had gone to the extreme of flirting with another woman right in front of Liz just to drive her away. Liz halfheartedly took the hint. Eventually, Liz had stopped following him around. She was beginning to feel like a stalker where Max was concerned. Liz realized she couldn't force him to talk to her. She had to wait for him to come to her on his own terms.

Liz looked at her watch. Her eight o'clock class was due to start in ten minutes, but she didn't think she would be able to budge from her spot in the corner of the bathroom. She just wanted to stay hidden there forever. The outside world was too unpredictable. Liz was experiencing too many twists and turns at once and they were coming too fast for her to handle. The best thing for her to do would be to stay at home and decide what she was going to do about the baby. She had a lot to consider.

Two hours later, Liz came to her answer while scrubbing the kitchen floor. She would keep her baby. It was true that it was the last thing she needed right then. Especially considering she wasn't 100% sure about paternity. . . But that didn't matter. She was going to be a mom, fact stated. Liz didn't feel she should compound one huge mistake with yet another. She had three weeks until the school semester ended and then she would be free for the entire summer. She'd go back home to Roswell during that time, Liz decided, and figure out exactly what she was going to do about school from there. Max, well, she'd at least tell him she was leaving and the reason why. After all she had put him through he deserved complete honesty from her. She didn't relish the idea of telling him she was pregnant, especially considering that the knowledge would only serve to drive him further away. But she couldn't lie to him either. She had compromised his trust in her enough as it was. She threw the sponge back into the mop bucket, disgusted with herself. How did she manage to make such a lasting mess out of her life?, Liz asked herself miserably. However, she refused to call Maria even though she desperately needed someone to talk to. She'd already done enough, putting Maria in the middle. She thought about Maria having enough to deal with trying to make a record and maintain a relationship. Maria didn't need her best friend calling her every ten minutes with the newest crisis in her life.

Liz sat back against the cabinet and rested her head on her knees. Oh god, she thought, I wish I had someone to talk to. She felt like she was dying inside.

"What's wrong, Liz, are you sick?"

Liz raised her head, startled and surprised to find Max staring back at her in concern. "Max? What are you doing here?"

"Professor Neely stopped me between classes. She told me you hadn't been there this morning and she had some papers she needed you to look over." He reached forward and tentatively brushed a lock of hair from her forehead. Liz caught her breath at the feel of his fingers brushing her skin. "So are you sick?"

"No, not really," she said, lowering her eyes.

Max tipped his head down, trying to see her face. "Then what are you doing on the floor?"

"You're suddenly talking to me now?" she asked bitterly.

Max ignored her tone and continued on in his same soft, concerned manner, "You never cut class unless something's really wrong. And I was worried."

Liz struggled to her feet, ignoring the helping hand he offered her. "You came by because you were worried about me?"

"Because of that and. . ."

"And what?"

Max looked away. He knew what he was about to tell her would hurt her deeply, but he felt that it was the best decision he could make right now. "Remember when I told you that Tess asked me to go off with her and Michael to follow up on FBI leads?"

"Yeah," Liz responded, already dreading what he had to say.

"I've changed my mind about going. I'm gonna leave as soon as the school semester's over."

Liz felt as if she'd been punched in the stomach. She had harbored the secret hope that once she'd told him of her plan to return to Roswell he might return with her despite how he felt. Liz had never considered that he might leave as well. She refused to even acknowledge the fact that he was taking his unprecedented trip with Tess. If she even stopped to consider that she would simply snap! She bit her bottom lip to keep it from trembling, but a bitter lump of tears had already begun to form in her throat.

"I came by to give you the keys to the apartment," he said as he reached into his pocket. He laid the key down on the kitchen table. "I thought we should set aside some time to go to the landlord and change the lease terms," he said quietly.

"That won't be necessary because I'm going back home to Roswell when school's over."

"I thought you said you wanted to do a work-study program here in California," Max said in confusion. For some reason it saddened him that she wouldn't be in their apartment while he was away. It was the first time that Max really acknowledged that things were changing between him and Liz.

"Well, I was going to stay," Liz began, suddenly preoccupied with straightening the dish towels that hung on the handle of the stove, "but that was before. . ."

"Before what?"

She turned to face him, taking deep even breaths. This is it, Parker, she thought, just say it and get it over with. "I'm pregnant, Max."

Every drop of color literally drained from his face. The breath whooshed out of him and he stumbled backwards as if she'd pushed him. He looked so confused and lost that Liz instantly wanted to take back her words. He ran shaky hands over the top of his head. "Wh-What did you say?"

"You heard me."

His breathing came in deep, labored pants. "Is it mine?"

Liz lowered her eyes, shame washing over her yet again, and shrugged. "I don't know."

Max sobbed and grabbed hold of the counter to steady himself. His features were pale and he looked as if he were going to be sick. Liz hated herself for hurting him again. "Didn't you use anything?" Liz could tell that it pained him to ask the question. It sounded as if the words were being wrenched from his chest.

"Yeah, but so did we."

He tried to compose himself several times and failed. His tears flowed anyway. "I can't handle this right now, Liz."

Liz's hands hovered over his shoulders. She wanted to touch him so bad! God, it was killing her to see him cry, and to know that she was the reason. But Liz felt she'd lost the right to touch Max. She had lost Max. Period. "I don't expect anything from you, Max. I just thought you should know. I thought I owed you the truth."

He stabbed her with angry eyes. At that moment he looked as if he hated her. "You owe me a helluva lot more than that!"

Liz didn't cry after he had gone. She had done what she had to do. It was the right thing to do, to let him go. That's what you were supposed to do when you loved someone. She should be feeling noble and proud, Liz thought bitterly. But all she felt was an intense self-loathing.

Liz drifted back to their bedroom, pulling out one of the shirts that Max had left behind. She crawled into bed, pressing the shirt beneath her cheek, inhaling the fresh, clean scent that was Max. And only then did her tears finally fall. But this time Liz wasn't crying for herself and what she had lost. She was crying because she knew she had just destroyed the only man she had ever loved and any hope they'd ever had for reconciliation. Life it seemed, Liz acknowledged sullenly, could get worse after all.

TBC. . .

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