I stare blankly out the window. We had made a clean break away from Jeremy's house, and a clean entry to the school. It hadn't taken that long, and no one knew we were gone.

"Natalie?" My mother calls down the hall. I turn my gaze on her. She's slightly pale, from not eating, but her eyes are red from crying. Her clothes are ragged from not changing them. She's getting worse, I think.

"Mom? Are you alright?"

She stares confused at my, then looks down at herself. "What?"

"Mom, you look. terrible."

"Well thanks." She replies immediately, then she turns to the mirror next to the fridge. "I guess I could clean up a little." She turns to her side, still staring at the mirror. "Honey, could you make dinner, suddenly I find myself very. hungry."

"Sure Mom," I say, relived. She smiles at me.

"I'm going to go take a shower."

"Ok." I reply, she leaves the room and I get up wearily from the chair. I had been sitting there since I got home from school, almost three hours ago. I walk over to the pantry and look at its contents. I decide to make pasta, and take out the nessacary ingredients. I'm in deep thought as I cook.

"Hon?" Mom asks me, I turn to her. She's wearing clean clothes, and a little make up.

"Yeah?"

"Is there anything I can do to help with dinner?"

"No, it's done." I say. We sit at the table and begin eating. I can't stand the silence. I'm desperate to break it with anything. Impulsiveness isn't my weakness, but somehow it just happened. "Hey mom, Jess and I were discussing children's names, you know, names we can name our kids in the future." She smiles and nods, "Anyway, what do you think of these three? Um, Megan, Anne, or Sophia." I look at her, but try not to make it obvious.

Her fork stops midway to her face. She sets it down. I wince, she's going to crash again. I can almost see the tears in her eyes. Suddenly she blinks quickly and looks at me.

"Sophia is a very pretty name." She says quietly, she has a small smile on her face. I shudder involuntarily, the look she just gave me. creepy.

"Mom?"

"yes?"

I take a deep breath, then change my mind. "Never mind." She shrugs and returns to her meal. I decide I have to talk to Jeremy first. I nod my head as if doing so will help me control my tongue.

Later I call Jeremy, "Hello?" My father answers the phone.

"Uh, hi." I say, I look over at my mother who is sitting quietly on the sofa, staring at the window. "Can I talk to Jay?" I ask, hoping the nickname doesn't catch her attention. I don't know where this protectivness for my mother is coming from, but I know I can't let her know what I know right now. It would be too hard for her. I must wait.

"Natalie?" He asks confused.

"Yeah, it's me. I was wondering if I could talk to Jeremy?" I say quietly turning away from my mother so she won't hear, knowing all the while she won't hear, she's too deep in thought to hear anything but her own memories.

"Um. Yeah, I guess there's nothing wrong with that." I hear him fumbling with the phone, and I think, he's still in shock, still nervous, still. I don't know, afraid?

"Nat?" Jeremy asks in a hushed whisper.

"Yeah, it's me." I reply.

"What's up?" He asks, he knows I'm worried, so he's worried, I can hear it in his voice.

"Nothing, I was just wondering. you want to stop by later? Like, after mom has calmed down?"

"Calmed down?"

"Yeah. Well, go to sleep really. I want to show you something."

"Sure, I'll sneak out. I know where you live. Leave your window open."

"How do you know where I live? And I can't leave my window open, Maria's in there."

"You told me where you live, and how am I supposed to get in?"

"Uh, come through the front door?"

"How subtle."

I smile. "So, see you tonight?"

"Yeah, I'll stop by around midnight."

"Okay, I'll be waiting by the door then. Be quiet thought."

"Okay."

"Bye."

"Bye sis." He hangs up, and I am left alone with my thoughts.

Why? I wonder. Why would my mother and my father separate when even Maria said their love was so pure? Why? Why would they separate, never to see each other again, alone, except one child to give them comfort? Why?

I shake my head, the why's can't be answered. Or maybe they can. Some of them can. Yes. I nod to myself. Some can. Why did I call Jeremy? I ask myself. I think about it, and then I know. I want to show him to my mother. I want to let my mother know I know. I want to scream "Tell me! I know, but I don't know enough. Tell me! Tell me why you're sad everyday. Tell me why you hurt. Tell me." A tear streaks down my face. Can I do that?