Sometimes I really think Tess is far more trouble than she's worth. Just when my heart was pulled into the mix, perhaps never to be taken back, she had to appear and ruin everything. Tess and her drawn-out talks of destiny, of the future of our world, the future of theirs. Tess with her Barbie-blonde hair and transfixed stare. Tess and her couldn't-be-less-perfect-timing.

Most girls, once they've found their true love, are free to strut about in all their glory, the beautiful beau at their gleeful side. Everything doesn't always have to be so serious and dire; they can giggle as they talk of superficial nonsense with their boyfriends who couldn't care less about "saving the world." Then again, they don't have to.

Everything's suddenly so different when you're involved with a guy that's completely out-of-this-world.. of course, in this case, literally. The truth of it all is that I wouldn't even mind all the danger, the constant running from enemies, the secrets, if it meant I could be with Max. I think sometimes when you just find that one person you're supposed to be with, nothing else seems to matter in comparison, and all the petty details melt away.

But I can't be with Max. Tess has to be with Max. It's "destiny," that term I've grown to hate that she seems to delight in throwing my way so often. Without the strength of Tess by his side, Max would fail in the future, and all would be lost. I must keep him away from loving me for the greater good.

That's quite a task to place upon a teenage girl's shoulders, or at least I think so. Maybe it's just because I'm bitter, and because of that I'm being irrational, moody, even ridiculous. But it's just so difficult to accept the undeniable fact that Max and I really aren't meant to be. It's not the fairy tale, happily ever-after romance that I had fantasized about. I'll never have that wedding dance with Max, never get to look into his eyes as I proclaim my eternal love for him, never get to delicately slide the ring of marital promise onto his finger.

How can I just deny the connection we had? He may not be entirely human, and he may not be my destiny, but still, something was there. I could feel it between us. I'm sure he could too. The electricity, the excitement, the growing love.. had it just been my imagination? There was a fire deep inside of me that burned more and more every day. Seeing Max across a room was enough to send my heart into a flutter of a thousand butterflies. To feel his hand lightly caress the length of my arm was enough to send a tantalizing shiver down my spine. To feel his lips on mine was enough to make me scream inside. I felt it then and I can feel it now every time I close my eyes.

It's times like these that I start to question who I am, why I'm here, surviving day after day on this planet. It's hard to find meaning when something so important to you will be forever denied. I still see him every day, can feel his longing for me, and yet he's off-limits and a world away. Being forced to conceal from him the longing I return is unbearable and even more difficult than I had predicted. But he can never know.

I can't even believe I told Maria. She's trustworthy, though, and I just had to tell someone or else I felt I might just blow up. Having a secret that heart-wrenching and important was killing me inside and I had to let it out, even if it wasn't to anyone that could do anything about the situation. Not that there's anything anyone could possibly do...