I know I could love you much better than this It's better this way

Part 30F

Michael looked up at the others, his eyes blank. "It's gone," he whispered in confusion. "The connection is gone. Can any of you guys here my thoughts?"

He projected the same question silently and looked to the others, praying that they would be able to hear him. The others shook their heads at him and it didn't take a telepathic web to tell what they were all thinking.

"NO!" Michael shook his head firmly. "No, it's not possible."

He looked around at the others and saw Liz's chin begin to quiver.

"Stop that Liz!" he shouted. "She's okay! She has to be okay!"

"Michael," she sobbed. "The connection is gone and the only way a connection can be broken is...." she trailed off and burst into tears. Max instantly reached out for her, cradling her in his arms.

Michael stood up and backed away, unable to believe it. "NO! She is fine! We just heard her! She's fine!"

Isabel stood up as well and took a step towards him, trying to mask her own doubt. "Michael, please calm down. You know what the book said. You need to face the fact that it's not likely that she surv...."

Michael jumped away from her as she reached an arm out to touch him. "Don't touch me! How can any of you even think of that? What kind of people are you?" He heard his own voice crack and looked up as tears began to fill his eyes. He knew what they were saying was true. He had felt the blast that Maria had felt and he couldn't feel her now. In the place that he usually felt her was only an empty hole. "She's fine..." he croaked, his chest beginning to spasm, feeling as though it were caving in.

"She could be fine," Max said but Michael could hear the doubt in his voice. "She could just be unconscious."

"Exactly!" Michael said quickly. "She's just unconscious."

"But that doesn't explain the link being broken," Liz cried.

Michael raised his hands to his ears and closed his eyes. "DON'T SAY THAT!!! LA-LA-LA-LA-LA..." He screamed it at the top of his lungs while he continued to back away.

Max released Liz from his arms and stood up, knowing that Michael was about three seconds from cracking. He walked up to him and gripped his wrists, pulling them away from his head. "Michael! You have to listen to me. None of us want to believe it but there is the distinct possibility that she is gone."

"NO!" Michael screamed again, trying to shrug out of Max's grasp. He couldn't listen to this blasphemy. It was all lies, all of it! She was okay. She had to be because if she wasn't.... What would he do now that she was...no. He couldn't think that way. They were all liars! They were trying to make him think she was dead but she wasn't because it was impossible. "Let me go, you liar!" he shrieked, fighting to push Max away.

He was able to shrug away from Max but when Max tried to grab for him again, he drew his fist back and landed in directly in Max's nose, knocking him over. "All of you, listen to me," he screamed. "I want you all to stay away from me! I...I have to get out of here," he finished in a ragged whisper and then turned around and ran blindly in the darkness of the desert. He ran to try to escape the pain. But no matter how much he wanted to pretend it wasn't real, he knew it was.

His Maria was dead.

He ran until he couldn't run anymore. His legs finally collapsed in fatigue and he fell forward onto the ground, feeling the hard desert dirt scrape into his hands. He gasped for breath and angrily raised a hand to his face wiping away his tears.

He knew it was true because his heart told him so. She really was gone. "No," he sobbed, leaning on all fours, his entire body shuddering. "Please God no...take my life and give her back hers. Please, she has so much to live for. I'll do anything."

*****

As soon as Michael took off, Max ran after him but Michael was just too fast for him and a minute later he came back and instructed Isabel and Alex to walk back to the van and get a flashlight and tell their mother. "I think she'll be the only one who can reason with him," he told them. "He...needs his mother."

Both in a daze, Isabel and Alex jogged back to the van while Liz threw her arms around Max and cried softly into his shoulder. "It just isn't fair," she sobbed. "She didn't deserve this."

Max felt his own eyes run with tears. "I know, Liz. It's just to horrible to believe. Poor Michael."

"Poor all of us," she amended but Max pulled back and shook his head.

"Well, yes but really, poor Michael. Not only did he just lose Maria but he lost his child as well. When he and Maria went away together last week, something happened to him and since then, his life has only gotten better and within one weeks time, his entire world has come crashing down. I don't know if he'll ever recover."

"Where is he?" Dinah demanded, appearing at their sides, her eyes desperate. "We have to find him!"

"He ran this way," Max said, and as a group, they all began to search for Michael.

They found him sometime later, lying on his back on the desert floor, staring at the sky.

Dinah crawled to her knees grabbed his hand. "Michael?"

Slowly, as if drugged, his face turned towards hers, but his eyes never seemed to completely focus. "She's dead," he breathed, his voice reflecting no emotion as though he were stating a mere fact.

Dinah raised a hand to his face and sucked in a deep, quivering breath. "I know, baby. I know."

Michael twitched and then looked back up at the sky, not saying another word.

"We need to get him back to the van," Max said a moment later and the others all agreed. Max reached out for Michael's arm tentatively, waiting to see if he would resist but he didn't. In fact, he wasn't moving at all on his own.

Alex took the other side and together, they both pulled Michael to his feet. Michael, however, was like a rag doll. He wasn't responding at all anymore so they had to drag him back to the side of the road.

"Put him in the back," Dinah instructed and walked around the back of the van with them, crawling in first. They gently laid him down on the carpeted surface, his head resting on her lap.

"Should we go back to Sedona?" Max asked his mother but she shook her head.

"No, take us to Roswell."

Max nodded, semi-relieved and they all climbed back into the van and drove back to Roswell in dejected, mournful silence.

*****

After arriving in town, they stopped at Liz's home. She remembered her parents saying something about being away for the weekend so she suggested that they all go there for the night. Right away, Alex called his parents to let them know that he was alive and okay and then Max did the same.

Their parents wanted them to all come home immediately but they told them that they couldn't and that they would explain later but they couldn't right now and then they hung up.

They carried Michael upstairs after the calls had been made and deposited him on the bed where he continued to stare ahead, looking at something that none of them could see.

Dinah gently sat down next to him, once again resting his head on her lap and running her hands through his damp hair, smoothing it back from his forehead. She didn't want to leave him alone, even when Max said he was going to give the elders a call and fill them all in on the details. She calmly declined the offer to go with them, telling them all that she had to stay with Michael.

Max nodded in understanding and together, he and Liz left to go call the settlement. Alex and Isabel both moved over to the window and Alex held her from behind as the both stared out into the dark night with red rimmed eyes. Their telepathy was still active between the two of them but they were so deep in their own thoughts that they didn't hear what the other was thinking.

"It's kinda funny," he muttered sometime later.

"Hmm?" Isabel replied detracted.

"That it hasn't really hit me yet."

"Yeah, me either."

"I wonder why that is. Do you think that maybe she is alive? That the reason I'm not freaking out yet is because something inside was telling me that she is okay?"

Isabel turned around to face him, cupping his cheek sadly. "That's a nice thought but..."

"Yeah, I know," he exhaled, not wanting to hear her say it and then wrapping her in his arms, burying his head in her shoulder. "Nothing is ever going to be the same ever again," he sighed into her shoulder, his voice muffled by the thick red sweater she was wearing, but also by the tears that were attempting to flow. He knew it wasn't a very strong sign for a man to cry but he couldn't help it. He had just lost one of his best friends and he knew that life as he knew it had ended. He would never again hear Maria's sarcastic voice or see her beautiful smile again or get to enjoy her quirky ways. His little pixie was gone forever.

"What did they have to say?"

Both Alex and Isabel pulled apart and turned to see that Max and Liz had returned to the room. "They weren't there," he told his mother. "No one answered at all."

Dinah looked slightly alarmed, her brow furrowing. "That's odd. You forget though, they were with her when it happened as you all were. They probably know."

"She was so strong," Michael breathed again, his voice coming out as a slow rattling of his chest. His eyes were still unfocused but they watched as his chest trembled violently and tears rose in his eyes. "Maria," he moaned in despair, the entire bed shaking with him.

Everyone watched on helplessly, not knowing what to say. All of their pain at Maria's loss was unbearable but they knew it had to be worse for Michael and they knew that no words they could say would ever make him feel better.

He rolled over from his position on his back and then looked up into his mothers face. "What am I going to do without her?" he choked and Dinah trembled at seeing his pain before both of them bursting into tears and he threw his arms around her waist, both of them holding nothing back.

"Oh God," Isabel moaned, unable to stay calm anymore and threw herself into Alex's arm, sobbing violently against him. Alex looked up at the ceiling, swallowing the fresh hot lump in his throat but unable to restrain himself. He was experiencing too many emotions to hold back anything.

Not an eye was dry in the room and they were all so lost in their own pain.

None of them looked up until they heard Michael suddenly say, "That's it! I have to go find her. I have to join her."

Max and Alex both looked up sharply and saw that he was fighting against his mother's restraint to get up.

"Get him," Dinah said quickly, her eyes panicked as she scrambled to hold on to him.

Alex and Max each grabbed an arm to restrain him to the bed but his legs were flailing all around and Isabel ran over to them and sat down on his legs. Liz moved to help but the phone began to ring and something told her she needed to get that call.

She walked to the corner where her personal phone was and picked it up. "Hello?"

She heard a voice on the other side but the commotion in the room was too much and she loudly told the person on the other line to hold on while she pushed the mute button while she watched the others, waiting for things to calm down.

"LET ME GO!! I HAVE TO FIND MARIA!!" he howled angrily but soon, exhaustion came over him and then fight left his body.

Cautiously they began to release him and when he didn't begin to fight again, they finally let him go. Dinah began to pet his head again and whisper words to him that they all assumed were the language of the Dilana's but they didn't ask if that was true or not.

Liz's eyes met with Max and he walked over to her.

Who's on the phone? he asked silently and Liz shook her head, having almost forgot about the phone call.

I don't know, she said quickly and then released the mute button. "Hello?"

"Jesus, Liz! Where the hell have you been? I've been trying to get ahold of you for seven hours!" a familiar voice cried and it took her a moment to place it. Her eyes widened and she looked sharply at Max. IT'S KYLE!!!

Max walked over and took the phone from her. "Kyle? It's Max. Are you okay?" he asked urgently, remembering that Kyle had helped Maria out and had been carrying her out when the blast hit them.

He didn't answer his question. Instead he began to yell. "Where the hell were you guys? Maria needed your help and you were no where to be found! How could you leave her alone like that?"

Max blinked and swallowed. "We were there Kyle but not physically," he responded defensively. "We were linked with her and we all helped her fight."

Kyle paused for a second. "Whatever," he said in a rush. "Is Michael with you?"

"Yeah," Max replied, suddenly confused. "Why?"

"Tell him he needs to get his ass down here right now. Maria is asking for him."

Max sucked in a violent breath, not daring to let it out. Kyle just said that Maria wants Michael? But how could that be?

"Max? Did you hear what I said?"

"Yeah," he breathed a moment later and hung up the phone.

He turned to the others dazed. "Uh...that was Kyle," he whispered, blinking several times.

"What did he want?" Liz asked and Max looked at her for a moment, not recognizing who she was right away. His thoughts in such disarray that it took him a second to realize that it was Liz. Suddenly he smiled, letting out his breath. "Uh, you're not going to believe this but Maria..."

"What about Maria?" Isabel asked, leaning in closer to him.

"She's...alive."

Stunned silence filled the room for approximately three seconds before suddenly all began to cry again, but this time the tears were from overwhelming relief.

Everyone hugged each other except Michael who was still out of it on the bed. Max gave Liz a brilliant smile and then moved to Michael's side. "Did you hear that buddy? Maria's alive! She's asking for you!"

Michael's chest rose and fell a few times before he shook his head. "No, Maria's dead. She's gone forever."

"I'm serious," Max said, his voice louder. "She's alive! Your Maria is alive! We have to go to her!"

Michael blinked and then looked over at him, his eyes focused and sharp but disbelieving. "How do you know?"

"I just talked to Kyle and he said that Maria is asking for you! Come on, you have to go her!"

*****

Gone.

Maria tried to find the connection, any semblance of a feeling that indicated that her child was still with her but there was none. The feelings she had before, the ones that made her so confident that she was in fact pregnant were completely gone.

"Ah, Maria. How are you feeling?"

Maria looked up at the door to see that the doctor had just entered. She tried to sit up but her back screamed in protest so she stayed where she was.

"Is Michael here?" she demanded.

"No, not yet but your friend Kyle said he just called him." He looked down at his clip-board and studied it for a moment before sitting on the edge of her bed and sighing. "So, the ex-rays show that three of the vertebrae in your back were broken but the good news is that it didn't cut into your spinal cord or anything like that so the feeling should return to your legs soon. The loss of feeling isn't going to be permanent but you're going to need some physical therapy. Also, the bump on your head concerns me a great deal. You were unconscious when you came in here and thankfully, we were able to revive you but I fear that if you fall asleep tonight, you may relapse back into the coma so I'm going to have a nurse stay with you tonight to keep you awake."

Maria nodded, the slight motion making her grimace from the sharp pain that she felt and she gasped. "So, is that it?" she asked carefully. "You didn't find anything else...unusual?"

"No. You're going to be fine, Maria."

"But you didn't detect anything odd when you were giving me the x-rays?" she pressed further. They would be the ones to know if Alice was still with her, right? They would be able to tell, right?

The doctor frowned and stood up, walking closer to her. "Maria? Is there something you wanted to tell me?" he asked, catching on that her questioning had nothing to do with her injuries.

"No," she said quickly.

"You sure?"

"Yes, I guess I'm just kinda out of it. I have nothing to tell you."

The doctor sighed and then walked back to the door. "I'll be back in a little while to check on you. If you feel like you're going to fall asleep, pull that call button and I'll have someone come in here until your friend Michael arrives."

"Could you just send Kyle in now? I'd like to talk to him."

The doctor nodded, smiling slightly. "Sure. Of course."

Maria watched him go and then tears rose to her eyes. She had lost the baby. How was she going to tell Michael that their child was gone because of her? And would he hate her because of it?

"Maria?" Kyle said, popping his head in the door. "The doctor said you wanted to see me?"

"Yeah," she replied. "Is Michael coming?"

He shrugged. "Max said they were on their way. They should be here soon."

Maria blinked and sighed. "Good. Kyle?"

"Yeah?"

"I never got to thank you for helping me."

"You're welcome," he said quietly. "I'm just sorry that I couldn't get you out of there quick enough. I almost didn't get you here in time."

"Yeah, but you did. You helped me against Nac...our father and you saved my life. How can I ever repay you?"

Kyle shrugged and looked down at the ground uncomfortably. "You don't have to do anything," he muttered.

"No, I really do Kyle."

He looked up and smirked sadly. "Well, how about this? If your baby is a boy, you can name him after his uncle. We can call it even."

Maria shook her head, tears rising in her eyes. "I can't do that," she choked.

"Why not?" he asked, alert.

"Because there is no baby."

Kyle sucked in a breath. "What?"

"I can't feel her, Kyle. She's gone. I lost her."

"She?"

Maria nodded sadly. "Yes, she. It was a girl and I got to meet her but now she's not there anymore. I feel so empty."

"I'm so sorry," he said in a rush, looking mortified. He began to approach her but stopped when he heard the door open behind him.

It was Michael and he looked shocked. "Maria?" he gasped.

Maria smiled. "MICHAEL!" she cried out.

"Oh my God, you're alive!" Michael gasped and ran to her side.

"Well, I'm going to go outside," Kyle muttered and stepped out of the room. They didn't even hear him.

"How are you?" Michael breathed in wonder, running his hands over her face, the tears once again in his eyes.

"I'm okay," she replied, crying herself. "I'm pretty messed up but I'll be fine."

"And the baby?" he asked, taking his hand in hers.

Maria felt her lips tremble and closed her eyes. "There is no baby," she whispered, looking away. She couldn't look at him.

"What?" he asked as if he hadn't heard her correctly.

"I lost her Michael," she gasped. "I could always feel her before but now she's gone."

Michael closed his eyes and gasped. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," she said, reluctantly looking at him.

Michael nodded and then hung his head in his palms.

"I'm so sorry Michael," she sobbed, her heart breaking.

He looked up. "Why are you sorry? You did what you had to and I thought I lost you both. It's not your fault baby."

"But if I hadn't left you guys, she would still be alive. If I had waited..."

"Don't say that," he cut her off, reaching for her hand again. "You did what you had to, Maria. And you won! I could never have been so brave. I thought you were dead. I thought that I had lost you and as much as it killed me to know that the baby was gone, I could only think of you Maria. It is you that I couldn't live without, not the baby. There will be other babies, sweetheart but never in a million years would I find another you. You're my soulmate and God has given us a second chance, don't you see?"

"Yes, I see that but I loved her Michael. I went to see her again and we talked and I loved her so much. It's like there is this big empty whole in me that can never be filled again." She began to cry again and Michael moved his hand up to her face.

"Maria baby, please don't cry," he pleaded, this time it was his heart breaking. "Please, we'll see her again. I know it. Maybe she isn't with you now but I know that we haven't heard the last from her. She is as strong and as beautiful as her mother and with half of your genes, I know she would never give up without a fight. I know it."

Maria looked up at him and shook her head. "I'm not as strong as you think."

"Yes Maria, you are!" he said fiercely, appalled that she didn't see it herself. "You're the strongest person I've ever met. If you weren't, Nacerro wouldn't have done what he could to destroy you. Even without your powers, he knew that you were a danger to him. And you beat him. Don't you see how strong you are?"

"I guess," Maria shrugged, unconvinced. "But I wasn't strong enough to save my baby."

"That doesn't matter Maria. I mean it. We will see her again."

They both looked towards the door as they heard a knock and Liz's head poked in. "Maria?" she whispered emotionally.

Maria smiled. "Liz, you look like you've seen a ghost."

"Well, it feels like I'm seeing a ghost," she said and venturing a few unsure steps forward. "Can I come in?"

Maria nodded wanly and Liz stumbled the rest of the way, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead.

Maria reached a stiff arm out and took her hand. "Where are the others?" she asked.

Liz pointed towards the door. "They're in the hallway. We didn't know if you wanted to see us all yet but, I'm sorry but I had to come in and see for myself that you were okay."

Maria nodded softly. "I'm okay. Broken but okay. Why don't you tell them all to come in. I have something to tell you all."

Liz nodded and let her hand go while she went to get the others.

"I have to tell them," she told Michael. "I need to let them know now so it will be done and over with."

Michael nodded in understanding and kissed her again as the others began to enter the room.

They were all smiling tightly, hanging back as if they were scared that if they got too close, they would hurt her or something and that made Maria giggle. "You can come closer," she told them. "I'm already broken enough that I doubt you can hurt me anymore."

Everyone, minus Dinah who wasn't with them, giggled nervously and stepped further into the room, each one taking their turn to talk to her. When they were all done, she was crying again at seeing how much they were all really worried about her. "I'm okay," she reassured them. "But I have to tell you something."

"What's that, kid?" Max asked for the rest of them and they all glanced to the door to see Dinah stepping in.

"Good, you're here," Maria said, meeting the older woman's eyes. "You need to know this too. I'm so sorry everyone but I lost the baby."

Isabel's gasped and Liz's mouth fell open. Max's face went blank and then furrowed as Alex closed his head, shaking it sadly.

"Why do you think that?" Dinah asked, not looking as stunned as the others. In fact, she looked secretive.

"The doctors didn't say anything about the baby after they did my x-rays and besides that, I can feel it. She's gone."

"Well, I hate to tell you dear but the baby is fine," Dinah informed her.

"What?" Maria asked, confused.

Dinah looked around the room and frowned. "Could you all excuse us for a moment?" she asked the others.

Reluctantly, they nodded and left the room. All except for Michael. He looked at his mother and tersely said, "Explain."

"I just got off the phone with the elders," she began. "We couldn't get ahold of them earlier but I tried again and they informed me that not only did they help you out but that they protected the baby as well. They put a...I guess the best explanation would be a sort of force-field over here. She's okay, I promise. They are just keeping her protected for a while until you recover."

"You mean that she's alive?" Maria asked slowly, not quite believing it. She glanced at Michael and saw that he was as shocked as she was. It all seemed impossible but then again it didn't. This wasn't the first unbelievable thing that had happened in the last year of her life.

Dinah nodded and put a hand over Maria's tummy. "Your daughter is fine," she repeated and then stood up. "The elders said that they would protect her until you are healed so your body doesn't have to go through any unneeded stress. Well, I'm going to give you some time alone while I go tell the others. I'm sure they are dying of curiosity."

"Thank you," Michael said as she stood up and grabbed her hand. "Thank you for everything. Mom."

She smiled and raised a hand to his cheek. "Of course, Michael. You're my child and I'll do anything for you. You too," she added, looking at Maria.

Maria smiled appreciatively and Dinah nodded before leaving.

Michael sighed when she was gone and smiled at Maria. They gazed into each others eyes lovingly. No words were necessary between them. And it didn't take a telepathic link to tell what the other was thinking. They loved each other, they were together again, and their baby was still alive. What else could they ask for?

THE END