I’d lain awake, long after Liz had resumed fitful sleep, wishing she didn’t have to be in so much pain. I wished Michael hadn’t been so stupid—leaving a calling card for Nasedo with his library lawn art. What I wouldn’t have given to backtrack and make sure Nasedo—and Tess—had never come. What I wouldn’t have done to have helped Liz out of the dark place she had been in.

Sometimes I wake up crying at night,
And sometimes I scream out your name.
What right does she have to take your heart away,
When for so long you were mine?

I sighed heavily, that day eons away; and this day so real. I tromped down the stairs of the beach house, trying to think of ways to relieve the boredom. I rolled my eyes at myself, feeling very foolish indeed. I wondered, in my aching heart, what Liz was doing, and if she’d regained some sense of serenity since my visit. After my vivid dreams, I’ve wished her nothing but peace. I wonder if Liz would have been different if Tess had never come—if Nasedo had never found us. If Topolsky had never come, Nasedo and the FBI wouldn’t have followed. I guess you can waste your whole life what iffing, and blaming others, or maybe it just seems like it makes life easier to do that.

What Liz didn’t know—will never know, is that I read her diary that night--almost all of it, in fact.

And the amazing thing was, in his eyes, I was beautiful. Max Evans has put a force on me. I’m Liz Parker, and five days ago I died. But then the really amazing thing happened—I came to life.

When you trust your heart, you leave normal.

I read about her first sleepless nights, and then her nights with too much sleep—wrapped in his arms—wrapped inside him. I read about her first time, and the joy and wonder she felt the first time he made love to her and spilled his alien seed across her warm and receptive—and very human body—a lot sooner than any of us thought. Right after they found the orb, they started sleeping together—more sure than ever that they were soulmates. At the time, I believed her.

Now I wasn’t sure I could ever believe her again.

* * *

I struggled out of the cab that pulled up to the brownstone townhouse. I had looked in the phonebook and found only one Liz Parker. Parker-Johnson, Elizabeth, MD. 14 Jackson Court, Philadelphia. I knew it was time to face the truth, whether I wanted to or not. Even after putting Isabel back to bed, Michael and I had another round over the dining room table. The fight was far from over, but I had to push past everyone else to find happiness, I’ve learned.

I loped up the steps, and rang the doorbell, steeling myself to meet her at the door. “I’ve thought about telling you a thousand times.” “Really? Me?” the words echoed in my brain, pulsing against my skull. Me, me, me, me…who? Me?

Before I knew it, the door was being pulled open and two impish little cherubs stared up at me from the open door, 3 and 5, if they were a day.

“Hiya!” the smallest boy piped, but the other looked a little more suspicious.

“Who are you?” his eyes narrowed.

“My name is Max, and I think….that I’m looking for your mom,” I stooped to meet their eye level. Both were small little pixies, with dark hair and eyes that could have made them mine. Blood red lips made them seem even more alive.

“*My* name is Max!” the smaller boy said, exuberant, and gestured at himself grandly, pressing a cocked thumb into his chest.

“Wow,” I smiled sincerely. I guess I picked the right Liz Parker after all. “What’s your name?” I grinned at the other one.

“Fox,” he couldn’t repress a smile. “Fox Michael Parker. But I go by Michael because Dad thinks Fox is a stupid name.”

“He does? Do you know your name is very special?”

“Mum says it’s from a very important television program.”

“She’s right. That was our favorite show when we were in high school, and your mommy and I used to watch it together.”

“Boys!” a familiar voice called. “Have you opened the front door?”

“Mummy, someone’s here to see you,” the oldest called, not taking his eyes off of me. He smiled, and I think maybe he thought he’d found an instant new friend.

“What have I told you about opening the door to strangers?” she called, having yet to appear. I saw a shock of dark hair fly around the corner upstairs, and then finally she came down, trying to put earrings in as she hurried down the stairs.

“Maxwell!,” her stern voice carried through the foyer. “Mic…” her cries were lost in the back of her throat when she saw me framed in her oak doorway, looking rather lost myself. She choked visibly, and struggled to say my name. “Max.”

“Mummy,” little Max gestured to a lady and a little girl coming up the front walk. “Leta and her mum are here.”

“Well, um,” Liz was grateful for some small distraction. “Put your coats on then, mittens too, Maxwell. Hats, boys,” she fixed them both up with the proper apparel and patted their little bottoms on the way out. “Bye, bye, babies. Behave yourselves.”

“Goodbye, boys.”

“’Bye, Mr. Max,” the youngest ran down the steps and toppled the little girl, Leta, to the ground. Michael stood in the doorway. “Will you be here when I come home?” he asked, cocking his head thoughtfully.

“I don’t think so,” I smiled sadly.

“It was nice to meet you,” he offered his hand, and I shook it, trying to fight tears. Liz had beautiful, smart children. The kind of children we would have had together. I felt my inner resolve weakening. I had to be strong about this.

“Max,” Liz croaked as soon as the door was shut from the outside world. She looked as if she was headed out to a PTO meeting, or a luncheon. She probably wasn’t. She probably shopped and cooked and sat around the house in cashmere twinsets and pearls.

“Liz, I’m sorry to show up like this, but I was afraid you would refuse to see me if I had called,” I apologized. A good way to begin any conversation. Lower those defenses, baby, it’s me.

“I would have,” she replied stiffly. “I never wanted to see you again, Max.” Shit…….Shit. ShitShitShit. Definitely not the kind of reception I was actually hoping for. I already had a feeling that a ‘be reasonable’ defense was going to be fruitless. Liz turned and walked to the living room, and I indicated from that that I was supposed to follow her.

“Well, I suppose Maria has been here,” I began, lowering myself to a silk-upholstered couch. Her living room was down the hall from the foyer, as neat and orderly as Liz herself.

“She did come, but she’s gone now,” Liz replied, trying to remain as uncomfortable as possible to keep her composure. I know the fuckin’ feeling, baby, trust me.

“I never meant for her to come to you, Liz, I’m sorry. I tried to stop her from hurting you, but sometimes the people you need to see are the only people that can help,” I explained, still apologetic, and most definitely sincere.

“Is that why you have come now? Am I the person you need?” Liz asked bitterly, letting those defenses slip, just barely.

“You can’t blame me for what happened, Liz. I would have followed you down that mountain, anywhere,” my dark eyes consoled her.

“God, I don’t know if I can do this, Max,” Liz let out a long, deep sigh. “It’s been so long since I’ve had any drama in my life, I don’t know if I can slip back into that role.”

Oh, cry me a river, Liz. Instead, I answer her, patient and understanding. “It’s not like this is the easiest thing I’ve had to do, either. I loved you very, very, much. Part of me still loves you, will always love you until the end of time.”

“But I gave that up,” her voice was stilted, dry.

“We both did. I believe we are soul mates, Liz. Even now, I think we were destined to be together, and destiny is what it’s all about, right? But you gave up on me—you gave up so soon, and I couldn’t follow.”

Liz was in tears, taking shuddering, sobbing breaths of air into her lungs, trying to control herself. I couldn’t tell she didn’t know how to continue after my admission.

“Max, I’m married,” she said slowly, after she’d calmed just a bit. “Those boys are the only people in the world that make me happy anymore. And you just need to go, now, please.”

“Tess and I are getting a divorce,” I admitted quietly.

Liz sucked in a sharp breath, and I could feel the hurt peeling off of her in waves. Even now, she had leveled me with one teary gaze, and I suddenly felt the boundless emotion stirring in my heart for her.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen this way. I never would have…any of it, if I’d thought you would come back to me,” I trailed off. Liz remained silent, so I took a deep breath, and continued. “I’ve actually planned to ask Maria to marry me.”

Liz looked startled, but managed not to burst into tears. “Jesus,” she uttered.

“You have to help me, Liz. I don’t know where she went, but I have to find her now, and you’re the last person she was with.”

“Why should I help you?” Liz was bitter, but inside I think maybe it was just another tactic to keep her composure.

“Because you want me—and her, to be happy. Because you want to give me what I’m missing, what I’ve never had since you left me.”

“Hmmm?” Liz swiped at tears in her eyes.

“Love,” the whisper was soft, melodic, and it reached Liz’s ears with a fair share of trepidation on my part. Silence pounded through the room like the deafening crash of waves. Hurt and tension were louder than any symphony orchestra as they sang between us. Liz’s dark eyes met mine, and for once, I saw forgiveness.

“I love her, too, Max,” Liz sighed heavily. “I love you.” Across the room, Liz slid off of her couch, and came to me, sinking down beside me, and pushing herself into my arms. I eagerly embraced her, pulling her warm body into my arms. “She’s gone to her Aunt Louise in California, I’m sure,” Liz said quietly. “I have the address,” Liz made no attempt to remove herself from my embrace.

“I appreciate that,” I responded, trying to gauge her reactions.

“How is Michael? And Isabel? I miss Isabel so much, Max…and is she pregnant yet? She always wanted little girls…” Liz’s eyes were brimming with unshed tears.

“Isabel *is* pregnant—she thinks about you all the time, I know,” I answered softly, hoping maybe my tender words would break her. “She wishes you would come home for good. We all do, Liz.”

“Are you and Maria…happy?” she began, not sure how to continue.

“Yes,” I answer, sure. “I think we are. I think we’re much happier than we ever were apart. And that’s enough for me.”

“Is Michael okay with it?” Liz asked gently.

“He is as okay as he can be with it for the time being. I think he’ll—we’ll adjust. Tessa is still acting high and mighty and important, but since I filed for divorce, even Is and Michael are giving her the cold shoulder,” we both grinned, hesitantly.

Liz lifted herself off the couch and returned several minutes later with her address book. She jotted me an address and telephone number onto a piece of paper and handed it to me wistfully.

“I wish you could have come after me,” she sighed.

“I feel like I am, in a way,” I told her softly, cocking my head. “I feel like I’m atoning for all the mistakes I’ve made before.”

“I made a poor choice, and Maria got a rather cold reaction from me. Maybe this will let her know I still love her.”

“I’ll tell her,” I replied, standing, towering above her.

“Max, I love you,” Liz replied, slipping her arms around my chest gently.

“I love you, Liz.” I put my arms around her again and inhaled the sweet aroma from her glossy hair. I only wish, now, belatedly, that there was some way to do it over, to really make her mine, forever. There is not. Instead, I trail my lips across her hair and meet her eyes one last time. She leans her face up, and back, and I meet her lips with mine one final time. Electricity shoots through us both, but I end it chastely with a small lick to her bottom lip.

She watches from the door as I make my way down the steps and hail a cab. I wave to her and she waves back, and I finally feel like maybe we’ll be okay.