When I was not so strong, you know

A pretty man came to me

Never seen eyes so blue

Well, I could not run away, it seemed

We'd seen each other in a dream

Seemed like he knew me

He looked right through me, yeah

"Come on home, girl," he said with a smile

"You don't have to love me yet

Let's get high awhile

Try to understand, try to understand

Try, try, try to understand...

I'm a magic man."

Winter nights we sang in tune

Played inside the months of moon

Never think of never

Let this spell last forever

"Come on home, girl," he said with a smile

"I cast my spell of love on you

A woman from a child

Try to understand, try to understand

Try, try, try to understand

I'm a magic man."

-Magic Man, Heart

I'm Liz Parker, and everyone thinks I'm much nicer than I really am. I wonder where the rebellious streak in me came from? I'm halfway through my junior year in high school, and I was the proverbial good girl until the summer before my sophomore year, when I started dating Kyle Valenti. Kyle fancies himself a younger version of Christian Slater, and he likes to act bad. Lives for it, actually. I thought he was kind of a jerk, but I was attracted to the lure of the forbidden that he offered.

We slept together for the first time that July, late one night in the backroom of the Crashdown. All the lights were out; the only illumination came from the moonlight that shone through the small window near the bathroom door. I ended up straddling Kyle on the couch, my short-sleeved blouse unbuttoned and barely clinging to my upper arms, my brief cotton skirt wadded around my waist. My panties had been flung to the floor. I waited impatiently as he rolled a condom onto himself.

Breathing heavily, he put his hands on my hips and pulled me down, impaling me on his hardness. "Liz..." he groaned loudly.

"Shhhh," I hissed. All I would need would be for my parents to hear noises and come running downstairs, thinking that someone was breaking in. I tightened my knees around his hips, wincing as I adjusted to the sensation of being so abruptly filled. Kyle squirmed, and I guided one nipple to his mouth. Whoever said guys were big babies wasn't kidding by much. Thus occupied, he was satisfied to wait until I was ready.

I relaxed my muscles, moving slowly and almost imperceptably on him. Getting more comfortable, I shrugged out of my blouse and raised all the way up, forcing Kyle to release the suction death-grip of his lips on my breast. He gasped as I moved, keeping only the very tip of his penis inside me. Slowly, I slid back down, sheathing him again, feeling the discomfort melt into a kind of liquid heat.

I was merciless that night and every other night that we had sex. Kyle quickly learned that he'd better please me or there would be hell to pay. I guess that's another way that I'm not such a nice girl. We had lots of sex that summer, and I enjoyed it most when there was an element of risk. I think what I liked best about it was the sense of power I felt over him. All I had to do to get his motor running was to look at him a certain way and lick my lips. I never loved him . . . but I loved the feeling of being desired, of being wanted.

I never told Alex, or even Maria. They would never have understood. There was something wild in me that I had to keep hidden from the world at large. Something dark and unfathomable. And I might have gone on sleeping with Kyle in secret and playing the girl-next-door science geek to the rest of the world indefinitely if I hadn't gotten shot at the Crashdown. I nearly died. I would've died if it hadn't been for Max Evans.

Kyle was not happy when I started avoiding him in favor of Max. I was even afraid he might tell Max that we had been sleeping together all summer. Luckily he knew when to cut his losses. He started dating ditzy Vicky Delaney, and she kept him busy for several months.

Later on, when he was between bimbos and when I was in the off-again stages with Max, we’d have sex once in a while. Very much on the QT, of course.

Somewhere, amidst all the confusion of juggling Max and Kyle, my parents, Maria, Is and Alex, my job at the Crashdown, and school, a strange thing happened. I realized that I felt an undeniable attraction to the last guy I would have ever considered, for so many reasons.

For the past several weeks, I would be walking down the hall at school, or bussing tables at work, and I’d feel a heated gaze, watching me, devouring me. When I would glance over my shoulder, my knees would literally feel weak as I stared into those intense eyes.

I cannot believe what I’m contemplating. I wonder if I was dreaming earlier today when he came up behind me in the diner, standing so close that I could feel his warm breath on my ear. He didn’t touch me; he didn’t have to. Automatically, I glanced around for Maria; she was nowhere in sight.

Tenderly, he tucked loose strands of my dark hair behind my ear. He whispered, “Tonight. Leave your window unlocked.”

I half-turned, needing to see his expression, to know if he was teasing me or if he was for real. Deep fires burned in his long-lashed eyes, and I drew in my breath, feeling a sudden rush of heat in my lower extremities. Oh, God….

“Tonight,” he whispered again. I could only stand and watch speechlessly as my secret crush, Michael Guerin, turned and walked casually out the door.

Now it is tonight, and I’m lying in my bed, in the dark, listening to nothing but the excited pounding of my heart.

I’m Liz Parker . . . and I’m about to commit the ultimate betrayal.