He wasn't sure which hurt more, the fact that she was dating someone else or that she hadn't even bothered to tell him. He'd found out by accident, two days after her surprise birthday party. He turned red just thinking about that night. How had he let Maria talk him into doing a striptease? At the time it had been worth the embarrassment to see Isabel so happy. She'd smiled and laughed, making it all worthwhile. It had been worth it up until the point her mother walked in. At least now he knew it wasn't actually possible to die of embarrassment.

Finding Isabel out on a date with Sorenson two days later had been a terrible blow, as if the time and trouble he'd put in to that gesture, as if the things they had shared, meant nothing.

***

LAST NIGHT

The Whits club date was over, and the band were going there separate ways. Alex said good night to the others as he closed his guitar case and left by the back entrance. The club, the only one in Roswell, had given them regular work since their performance at the blind date concert. The money wasn't great, but it kept his car running and allowed him to surprise Isabel with gifts occasionally. Isabel liked surprises. Alex enjoyed surprises too, usually.

He'd left his car in a lot about a block from the club, and was almost there when Isabel and Sorenson came out of the small Italian restaurant he was passing. He had his arm around her shoulders, shoulders left bare by the blue dress she was wearing. Alex had always like that dress, and had hoped to see her in it more often. Suddenly it seemed that wouldn't be happening. He stopped and stared. They didn't notice him at first, busy laughing about something.

"Well, what's the verdict? Was this worth doing again?" Isabel gave him a winning smile and nodded.

"Yes, it is. I had fun. You're definitely worth another date." At this point Sorenson noticed Alex watching them. Isabel noticed him focusing on something over her shoulder and turned around.

"Oh! Oh God, Alex. I…" Alex walked past them without a word. "Alex!" He continued to ignore them and made it to his car without wavering. It had been a long drive home.

***

"Alex?" Max's voice pulled him back from his memories. He looked up to see his friend looking down at him, clearly concerned.

"Hi Max," he answered dully.

"What's wrong?"

"What makes you think something's wrong?" Max looked from Alex to the cheerleaders and back again.

"Cheerleader practice is going on right in front of you and you don't even seem to notice. I'd say there's something wrong." Max allowed himself a slight smile, hoping to lift his friend's spirits. No response. he realized. "Come on. Tell me."

"I ran into Isabel last night." Max waited patiently for him to continue. "Out on a date with that geologist. Seemed to be having fun, so…" he shrugged as if it didn't matter to him, but it clearly did. Max had gone very still, an almost angry look on his face.

"I thought I told her not to date him?" he said more to himself than Alex, but Alex's head came up like a shot and he looked at Max incredulously.

"You knew?" Then what Max had said fully sank in. "You told her not to date him?" He wasn't sure which astonished and angered him more. He rose and walked away.

***

Isabel Evans was not happy. In fact she'd been miserable since the previous night when Alex had surprised her outside the restaurant. She wasn't sure what she'd been thinking. When she'd accepted the date she hadn't given Alex a second thought. She'd accepted without hesitation, feeling only a tremendous sense of relief. The date had been fun, right up until the point where Alex had turned up.

He had walked away without speaking to her which, she realized was just as well at that point because she had had no idea what to say to him. She still didn't, but she wanted to try. That had proved difficult though. Alex had avoided her all day. She was determined to corner him now. She knew where he would be. It was just a matter of not letting him walk away. She thought she could do that. If she got the opportunity. That was Max's voice coming from the other side of the fence. The chain link fence at the edge of the field was laced with green plastic strips that served as a windbreak, and it easily concealed her presence from the two young men.

"Alex wait. Talk to me."

"Is that an order?" Alex snapped. Max blinked, surprise by the anger in the normally quiet young man. He was silent for a moment.

"Alex. I…"

"I don't even know where to begin. Okay. First of all you knew she was going out with this guy. A little warning might have been nice. Second. What made you think she would obey an order like that? Or any order for that matter? She's your sister, not your loyal subject." Isabel's jaw dropped. Alex was defending her. Why was he sticking up for her after what she'd done? She hadn't meant to hurt him but… But what?

"You know how dangerous things have gotten. We can't let new people in. We can't trust anyone. I would have thought congresswoman Whitaker proved that."

Alex shook his head. "We can't live like that Max. Trust no one? That's no way to live."

"What choice do we have? If we trust the wrong person we could all be killed. How do you know Sorenson isn't one of them?"

Alex nodded reluctantly. "You have a point, but it's not easy for her, or any of us. She wasn't thinking about alien spies when she went out with him. That had nothing to do with it."

"You're right. She wasn't thinking…" Max stopped and blinked. "Wait. What do you mean? You know why she went out with him?"

Isabel was curious too. If Alex knew her reason for dating Grant she'd like to know it. Oddly she felt none of the resentment she would have felt if Max had presumed to know her motives better than she did. She felt only curiosity.

"I've had some time to think about it. I've thought a lot about it today. It has nothing to do with what she needs. It's about what she wants." He broke off and leaned against the fence, seeming to deflate, "And about what I can't give her."

Isabel felt a catch in her throat and struggled to stay silent, although Alex was close enough to touch, to comfort.

"As long as you've had your eyes on Liz, that's almost as long as I've been noticing Isabel. She's perfect. Beautiful. And, I always thought, untouchable. She was always going out with different guys, never getting too close to anyone. The guys were all the best Roswell High had to offer. Jocks of all sorts; guys who could be models or movie stars. I didn't know why she never stuck with one guy. It didn't matter. She always seemed way out of my league. I didn't realize that she was just having a good time, and didn't want to get close to any of them."

Isabel hadn't known that either for a long while. It had taken her time, and a close call or two that she had never told Max about, to realize that she couldn't be serious about any normal guy. That realization had hurt, but it had kept her and her family safe since then. Dating strictly to have fun, to live in the moment without getting attached had taken her a long time to get used to. How had Alex picked up on it so quickly?

"She wants things back the way they were. She wants normal, like before that day at the CrashDown." Max said nothing, and Isabel nodded slowly, realizing he was right. "I know the big secret. I think I remind her that things have changed. Isabel wants to pretend, if only for a while, that things are like they were before. So she accepts a date with someone who doesn't know her secret. She goes out and has a good time, just for the sake of having a good time. It lets her forget for a while that things aren't 'normal' anymore." He took a calming, if somewhat ragged breath. "I can't give her normal." The speech seemed to have robbed him of what little energy he had. Turning away he made his way off the field, leaving Max staring after him, not sure what to say.

Isabel followed Alex at a distance, glad that Max had let him go. She just didn't want to deal with him. ***

Max watched him walk away, not having the heart to pursue the matter. Alex was hurting, and hurting bad. He hadn't realized that Alex had it so bad for Isabel. He also realized that Alex was right. He knew that Isabel had been stressed out recently. They had all been stressed out, apparently he just hadn't realized how bad it was for the others.

Maybe, he realized, he'd been so wrapped up in trying to be a leader that he'd forgotten that they weren't soldiers. They had their own personal lives and priorities.

Keeping them alive had to take precedence, but asking them to set aside all other considerations, to live in fear, wasn't going to work. Alex was right. That was no way to live. He'd have to find a better way.

***

Isabel caught up with Alex about halfway home. He didn't seem to notice that someone was hurrying to catch up with him. Either that or he didn't care. Perhaps he just didn't associate the hurried and less than graceful sounding stride with the normally self-possessed Isabel Evans.

"Alex, wait." She slowed as she finally caught up with him. He glanced over at her as she pulled alongside him, but didn't slow. "I need to talk to you." Alex said nothing, but he did slow a bit. She drew a deep breath and let it out.

"You're right. All this time I had it backwards, but you're right." He cast a confused glance at her, not understanding. "I heard some of what you said to Max." She glanced down, embarrassed at her eavesdropping. "I thought it was you who wanted normal. Wanted to go out on dates and act like a normal couple when we weren't. When we couldn't be. It was so much to deal with, that the prospect of getting serious with someone was suddenly terrifying." She didn't know where all this was coming from, but he wasn't walking away from her anymore.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. Really I didn't. I wanted things back the way they were and you were there wanting to behave like nothing strange was happening. Like we weren't being hunted by evil aliens, and how corny does that sound?" She realized she was babbling. Isabel Evans never babbled.

After taking a deep breath to get herself under control she continued. "I'm sorry Alex. I never meant to hurt you."

"I know, and I do understand. I still can't give you normal, or whatever passed for normal a year ago." Isabel rolled her eyes at that. She couldn't help it. It was such an 'Alex' thing to say. He saw the expression and turned away to continue his walk home.

"Alex wait. I'm sorry. Really."

"I'm sorry too, sorry that I'm not what you want." Isabel moved after him, getting angry now.

"Don't tell me what I want. Don't think one insight means you understand me completely." He ignored her. "All right Alex! Please just tell me what I can do to fix this." That stopped him. "I don't want to lose you." Her words were spoken barely above a whisper, but they reached him nonetheless. He turned to face her.

"You won't," he answered quietly, "I'll wait, but you need to know what you want and what you need." He left her there and continued home alone.

***

Isabel was quiet at dinner. She brushed off Max when he tried to speak privately later. What did she want? What did she need? There were so many complications. The whole destiny bit, the Skins who could be anyone, and to top it all off they had the thing the Skins wanted most, a brand new piece of alien technology in the pod chamber that they had no idea what to do with. It was all too weird. Trying to figure out her love life was an added pressure that she didn't need.

Accept there wasn't any pressure. Alex had said he would wait and she believed him. He was just like that. Thinking like that didn't help, she decided, she added morosely. Alex had been patient and understanding through it all. She knew he was solid, someone she could rely on, and she knew he loved her. She'd known that since the first time she entered his dreams to discover if he was trustworthy.

Grant on the other hand… What did he have to recommend him? Money and good looks? What else? She came up blank. He seemed like a nice guy, but that wasn't any guarantee of anything. All guys put on their best face when trying to get a girl interested.

She couldn't ignore their current circumstances either, as much as she wished they could. They did have enemies, dangerous enemies. She didn't believe that Grant was a Skin, but she didn't have any choice but to consider the possibility. Was his arrival a coincidence? It was paranoid. It was possible. She didn't know anything for certain, and it was safest not to get involved with, let alone trust, new people. She couldn't even take the risk of going out just for a good time, as much as she might want to.

Max was right. And that really irritated her. Was that it? She wondered. Had she gone out with Grant as much to defy Max as to try to get back to normal? It was a stupid motive, but she wouldn't admit that to Max. She had to be honest with herself though. Being forbidden to see him had only pushed her into doing so all the more eagerly. Ignoring Max and ignoring the situation they were in was dangerous and stupid, but she had felt so confined, so smothered by their circumstances and all of the secrets they had to keep that it had been necessary to break out for a while.

She felt ashamed that she hadn't even considered Alex' feelings when she did so. a little voice in the back of her mind admonished her. There were times when she hated that little voice, especially when it was right.

***

"I guess I had to understand my own motives before I could start thinking about how to make things right with you." They were sitting in the bleachers watching football practice this time. At least, practice was underway. The two teenagers only had eyes for each other though. Alex nodded slowly, thinking about what she had said, and silently patting himself on the back over having read her and her motives so correctly. He kept it off his face though. He knew any sign of smugness at this point would just make her angry, no matter how guilty she was feeling.

He spoke carefully after a moment's consideration. "Sounds like you put a lot of thought into it Isabel. So… What now?" Alex met her eyes, careful not to betray how much he wanted and needed the answer that would see them back together again. He wasn't successful. Isabel smiled warmly. He loved that smile.

"I can't say I won't resent Max trying to run our lives or resent the situation that makes this constant paranoia necessary, but I can promise I won't take it out on you again. I'm sorry Alex. I know now what I want now, and I know what I need." She leaned forward and kissed him gently.