“Owen and I comforted each other when you left,” Sandy started, already sensing Adam’s presence behind her. Her eyes never left the grave, her finger continually following the flow and curves of the chilly letters.

“Ben keeps saying I couldn’t handle you leaving, but it was him who couldn’t survive. I heard him crying and sobbing every night, and after the first three weeks, I couldn’t stand it any more. Can you even begin to understand how many nights I spent at Owen’s house, comforting myself in just his company? When you left, a massive hole formed between the three of us. Our group sort of just dissipated. Ben wasn’t himself any more and he pulled away, always off researching something or other. He never once believed you were dead.

“Owen and I, we found comfort in each other. We took the news with dignity, not letting ourselves get lost like Ben. Of course, we were crying and fighting inside like a son of a bitch, but we refused to let others see it. We couldn’t stand the pathetic, sorrowful looks people gave us at school, as if they knew what we were feeling. They had never known, and would never know. We just wanted to mourn in peace.

“While Ben grew more distant, Owen and I grew closer. We weren’t just best friends any more. No, it was more than that. We became lovers, but not in the physical sense of the word. We were comfort pillows for each other. While other girls consoled themselves in chocolate, I turned to Owen. We shared a bond that no one, absolutely no one, would ever understand.

“I’m sure you can imagine my agony when Ben told me about Owen’s accident, about his death. That’s when I realized we’re not really people living life. We’re just pawns in this large, sick, twisted game, all waiting for the inevitable fatality that will consume us and people around us. Getting attached will only hurt more in the end, for you and others. So I stopped caring. Stopped feeling.

“For the past six months, I’ve been nothing but a walking, talking shell. I can’t feel any more. I don’t even know if I remember how to.” Sandy bowed her head in the pain that surfaced, but tears wouldn’t seep. She had no tears. She had nothing but emptiness.

“I thought I was in love with you for so long. Out of Ben, Owen and you, you were the only one who was willing to be my friend. You actually went out of your way to make me feel wanted, threatening to beat up Ben whenever he teased me until I cried. You never shied away from me when I wanted to just hang out with the ‘boys’. Losing that bond, that security, had hurt too much. I can’t do that again. I won’t. I’m not willing to get hurt again.” Sandy finally turned to look behind her at Adam.

Although he had soaked every word Sandy had said him, his eyes couldn’t shift away from the gravestone that Sandy was kneeling next to. It was just too real. Too goddamn real.

Adam Redmond

Beloved friend and son.

May he rest in blessed peace.