I went to sleep with three panda bears last night, but now I have only two. When I got out of bed this morning, I tripped over the book about stars that I left on the floor last night, and by mistake I dropped one of my other bears in the sink while the water was running, and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

At breakfast, my mom told me that we got a letter from my big sister Claudia saying that she wasn’t going to be able to come home in time for my birthday. My mom said maybe there’s a prize in your breakfast cereal box to make you feel better. But in my breakfast cereal box all I found was breakfast cereal.

I think I’ll move to Czechoslovakia.

In the car on the way to Grandma and Grandpa’s restaurant, my mom told me that my cousin Nicole and her boyfriend Jamie were going to be babysitting me while she visited her publish-her. I said I wanted to go with her instead. I said I didn’t want to stay with Nikki because she always gets paint on me, and she and Jamie are always making googly-eyes at each other. I said, if I have to stay with Nikki, I am going to be carsick. My mom smiled and said someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

At the Crashdown, Grandpa Jeff hugged me too tight. Grandma Nancy made me stand against the measuring tape in the doorway to see if I was getting any bigger when I really needed to go to the bathroom because I forgot to do that before we got in the car.

When Nikki came, she got yellow paint on my nose and forgot to wipe it off. She said we can go upstairs and watch Winnie-the-Pooh if you like. I said I’d rather go find my dad. Nikki didn’t listen because she and Jamie were making googly-eyes at each other. I stamped my foot and said I’m five not a baby anymore. But Nikki made me watch Pooh all day long anyway. Who likes Pooh as much as that? I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I could tell because Jamie’s father, Sheriff Valenti, came into the Crashdown and said hey sport, you’re getting bigger. I hate being called sport.

I could tell because when Grandpa Jeff made me a special, double-decker Alien Surprise ice cream cone, the ice cream part fell off the cone part and landed I think in Czechoslovakia. And Grandma Nancy scolded me for saying geez even though I told her that Uncle Alex says it sometimes.

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

That’s what it was, because when my mom came to pick me up after her meeting with her publish-her, Nicole said I’m looking forward to babysitting you next week too.

Next week, I said, I’m going to Czechoslovakia.

On the way to go get the car, I told my mom that I was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. She wiped the paint off my nose and said don’t worry, it’ll get better.

But it didn’t because when we picked up my dad at his office he said I couldn’t play with his stethoscope, but I forgot. He also said to watch out for the files on the edge of his desk, and I was careful as could be except for my elbow. He also said don’t fool around with his phone, but I think I called Czechoslovakia. My dad said please don’t pick him up anymore. My mom laughed and said like father like son, but I didn’t know what she meant.

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

There was fish for dinner, and I hate fish. And there wasn’t enough Tabasco sauce anyway.

My mom and dad were kissing in front of the TV, and I hate kissing.

I still couldn’t find my bear, my bath was too hot, I got soap in my eyes, and I had to wear Claudia’s old bunny-feet pajamas because my mom forgot my other pajamas in the washing machine. I hate Claudia’s bunny-feet pajamas.

The cats want to sleep on Claudia’s bed, even though she’s not there, and not with me.

I can’t find my bear, and I think he’s lonely, and my Winnie-the-Pooh night-light burned out, and I bit my tongue.

It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

When she tucked me in, my mom said that my dad had a bad day too.

She says some days are like that.