He almost laughed at her. [Trying to be tough and you’re wearing cloud pajamas and fuzzy blue slippers.] He thought.

She folded her arms under the picture of the smiley-faced cloud on her chest. “Well?”

He smiled. A little.

“What’s funny?” She asked. “You know, this silence thing is really annoying. And you’re dripping all over my carpet. So if you have absolutely nothing to say then I suggest--”

“Maria,” He interrupted. He almost laughed at her again. [Damn, she’s cute when she’s angry.] “Can you just shut up? Just shut up and let me speak.”

She frowned at him. “Go on.” She sat on her bed, crossed her legs and folded her arms.

“I’m… uh… I’m here because… uh… you know… I mean… I really wanted…” He ran his hands through his hair.

“You really wanted what, Michael?”

He watched her mouth move as she spoke. She was wearing that lip-gloss again. The whole room smelled like waxy strawberries. Her mouth curved into a glossy smirk.

“What do you really want?”

Wacky Wild Strawberry lip-gloss tasted like red popcicles. It was too sweet and too greasy. It was Michael’s favorite flavor. Maria wore Bubbly Blazin’ Blueberry sometimes. That wasn’t nearly as sweet or greasy, but it wasn’t as good either. Maria’s strawberry lips matched the Tabasco on his own.

He looked down at her fuzzy slippers.

“You.” He said softly.

She barely heard him. She walked over and leaned towards him. “What did you say?”

He looked her squarely in the eyes. “I mean, I wanted to see you.”

Her jaw dropped slightly. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

“You wanted to see me?”

“Yeah.”

“What, are you in trouble or something? Did something happen, Michael?”

“No.”

“Not to you or Max or Isa-- the others?”

“Maria,” He rubbed his temples. “Nothing is wrong. I wanted to see you, so I came to see you. Why is that so hard to believe?”

Maria looked down at her slippers. “I… um… I just didn’t think you cared.”

“I care. You know that.” He walked closer and rested his hand on her cheek.

His hands were cold. Maria closed her eyes at his touch. It was almost like nothing had happened. Almost like nothing had changed. She almost let herself believe that it was just Michael coming to apologize after one of their fights. She almost smiled. She opened her eyes and everything came back to her.

“No,” she sighed. She brushed his hand away. “No. You can’t keep doing this, Michael. I can’t… You can’t keep doing this to me.” She backed away.

“Doing what?”

“You can’t keep letting me get close to you and then pushing me away. Or running away. You said you loved me and then you ran away from me. You told me that you’re supposed to be with someone else and then you came back here to me. Do you know how confusing this is? You can’t… You can’t act like nothing’s happened, Michael.”

She looked away as a tear trickled down her cheek.

“Maria.” He walked forward and tried to touch her face again. She backed away and shook her head.

“Maria,” He repeated. “This has been hell on the both of us. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me or to us… but… I love you. I just wanted you to know that. And I… I never would have been strong enough to do what I have to do if I had never known you.” His voice was barely a whisper. He walked forward to touch her face. She did not move.

“Maria, I love you,” He lifted her chin. “I can’t offer you forever. But I’m offering myself to you now.”

She closed her eyes. She bit her lip. She shook her head.

“Please?” He whispered.

She looked up into his eyes again. [I’m so stupid.] She thought.

She sighed and he leaned in to kiss her.

***

She tasted like waxy strawberries.

He tasted like Tabasco sauce.

His cold, damp hand cooled her flushed cheek.

She leaned into him. She rested her body against his. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held on as tightly as she could.

He wouldn’t let go of her. He wouldn’t take his mouth from hers. He took his hand from her cheek and wrapped that arm around her waist.

She touched his chest, his face, his lips.

He touched her hair, her skin, her lips. Everything smelled like waxy strawberries.

But something told him that it was wrong. He pulled away from her.

“Maria… we can’t.” He tried to back away and free himself from her arms.

She pulled closer to him. “But I want to. Don’t run away from me again.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.” He whispered.

“You won’t.”

“I don’t want you to do anything that you’re not ready--”

“I am ready.”

“Maria.” He looked away. He had to leave while he still could. He had to run.

She cupped his face in her hands.

“Please?” She whispered.

He looked at her. He didn’t hesitate. He bowed his head and kissed her again.

***

He woke up in her arms the next morning. It was just after dawn. The morning light flooded the room and made it too bright for him to sleep. He opened his eyes and looked around the room. It took him a moment to remember where he was, but he couldn’t help smiling when he saw the girl lying next to him.

He remembered the way her lips felt on his last night. He could still taste her. He could still feel her. Hot and sweet and spicy. He remembered crying when she called out his name. She called to him as if she was lost and he was the only one who could save her. The way she said his name made him feel whole. It made him feel human.

For the first time in his life he wasn’t scared to feel that way.

He kissed her forehead and she shifted a little. Last night was beautiful. He didn’t know any other way to put it. But it was morning now.

He had to leave.

One night. That’s all he could give her right now. He swore to make it up to her.

She smiled in her sleep when he got out of the bed. He kissed her cheek and slid out of her arms as easily as he could. There was no need to wake her. He put on his still-damp clothes and went to the window.

He looked back at her.

She looked like an angel in her sleep. She was his first kiss, his first love, his first lover. It hurt like hell to have to leave her now.

He climbed out the window.

***

She woke up an hour after he left. She already knew he’d be gone. She touched the empty pillow beside hers. She turned to the open window and watched as the curtains fluttered in a breeze.