So justice is served, right? You scratch my back; I'll scratch yours. That's all it is, isn't it? It doesn't mean anything, right?

Oh who am I kidding? Michael Guerin is asleep in my bed at this very moment, and all I want is him. I don't care that we messed up before, that I could have been pregnant. What we felt that night at the Crashdown, it was... special. I wouldn't have let it go so far if Michael didn't mean something to me. And he means so much.

I know it now that I haven't been around him. He's been asking Liz about me, but I told her to be evasive. There wasn't any need for him to feel obligated to talk to me now that our crisis was over. But that was so stupid. You can't deny what your heart wants. And when it speaks to you, you have to listen.

Like tonight. My head was saying no. Really loudly. But I could see that he was upset about something. And rather than run to Max or Isabel, he came to me. He needed me. How could I turn him away knowing how much it must have killed him to open up even that tiny bit?

Michael has this tendency to hide in plain sight. You know what I mean? You can see it on his face that he's been hurt, but he'd never admit to it. He'd go around the subject until you dropped it. That's why it means so much that he came to me- it's like an admission that he needs someone. Needs me.

It gives me a little bit of hope. That someday we'll break that stone wall of his down completely. That is if he doesn't go right back to shutting me out again tomorrow. He needs to drop his act and admit he feels something for me. I have to do the same I guess. We're both too used to keeping hidden inside our forest of doubt and denial. With everyone else, it's like we're wearing camouflage to keep out of sight, blend in with the trees and shrubs. But with each other... well I could pick him out of the brush a mile away. He needs me, and I've finally realized how much I need him. Poetic justice that two such self-reliant people need one another so badly, isn't it?

He's asleep now, but he was crying before. I don't know what happened, but I know that he wouldn't have come here if he didn't trust me. Didn't want me to be the one to help him. I brush the damp hair away from his forehead and place a soft kiss there in its place. It's a promise, my promise, that one of these days, we'll work it out, and we'll get to be together. And it's an admission. That I need and want him, too. An admission that it's time to put away our camouflage.

~~~~~

Camouflage- Third Eye Blind

Justice comes into your life and then you'll know
You'll know
Justice comes, justice let it come
I get the justice coming for you and I
I get the joy joy when it comes my joy
I get joy when justice comes to everyone
Why does a willow weep when all I see's a tree grow
All in camouflage everyone that I know
We walk along like sequel, you're a cameo
you've got your joy, so find the people of your own

(Chorus)
I'll take in anyone who's taking off their camouflage
Go on, check it
I'll take in anyone who's messing up the sabotage
To yourself don't destroy
I'll take in anyone who's taking off their camouflage
Check it

Gimme the ball, Gimme it all, Big orange ball
Roll up over fields
I shame the devil cause
I through it down so hard I rock the big line
I rock the back yard
Be a dream in color even on a winter's night
Thinking George Seurat, afternoon bathed in light
Get you joy no matter who says it's right
Their cover's blow
Find the story of your own

(Chorus)
I'll take in anyone who's taking off thier camouflage
To yourself don't destroy
I'll take in anyone who's breaking up this sabotage
Let it go, You destroy
I'll take in anyone who's taking off their camouflage