“Hmm?”

“You know this doesn’t fix everything, right?” she said, looking up at him. “I mean, we can’t just leave it at this. We still have to talk about what’s happened between us.” She tensed, waiting for Michael to close himself off and pull away, but he continued playing with her hair and his body still felt relaxed against her own.

“I know,” he said quietly. “And I know that a lot of this has all been my fault because I wouldn’t talk, but I’m ready now. Do you want to go first or should I?”

Maria was shocked by Michael’s words and finally managed, “Um, you can go first.”

Michael nodded and took a deep breath. “Okay. When I was healing your ankle I saw you,” he began, unable to meet Maria’s eyes, fearing that she would be furious with him. "I saw the way you felt when we first met, when we kissed for the first time, and how you felt when we were together during the heatwave.” He forced himself now to meet Maria’s eyes. “And I saw how much I hurt you when I broke off our relationship like that. I, I’m sorry,” he told her, tears beginning to gather in his eyes as the memory of Maria’s feelings came rushing back to him. “I didn’t realize just how much I had hurt you. I mean, I knew you were upset, but you hid it so well, and I just figured you’d get over it within a week or so and just write it off to me being a jerk again. I had no idea how much I meant to you.”

“Michael,” Maria reached a hand up and stroked his cheek softly. “I didn’t realize it at first either. After we talked that night that you basically kidnapped me and blew up my car,” Michael grinned, “I felt sort of more connected to you. I wasn’t afraid of you anymore, that was for sure, and when you first kissed me I didn’t know what to think. But then we started our relationship, if you want to call it that, and everything changed for me. Suddenly I was with someone who made me feel so good about myself, so safe and protected even with everything that was going on with the FBI and everything.

“And I don’t know, I mean, I knew you didn’t want anyone to know about us, and I accepted that at first, just as long as I could be with you. But then I had this conversation with Liz – she saw us that night in The Crash Down, you know,” she added, smiling gently at Michael’s surprised expression. “And she made me start having doubts, telling me that she just didn’t see us together, and she wanted to know if we even ever talked when we were together. Then that got me thinking that something was wrong if we didn’t talk and we didn’t go out, so I started getting what you called “intense,” I believe. I never stopped to wonder why I was letting Liz have so much say in my relationships. I should have just realized that if it felt good and it felt right to me, then it was and I should just worry about my own feelings.” She finally paused for a breath, and then continued, “So I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable or anything, but that’s how I really felt.”

“And what about now?” Michael asked her. “How do you feel now?”

Maria grinned, even though she was shaking inside. “That depends. Are you finished talking?”

Michael’s expression turned very serious once again. “I’m sorry,” he told her. “I’m sorry for everything I put you through. I had a similar conversation with Max, and that made me start having second thoughts, too, I think. Just like you said, though, I shouldn’t have listened to him. I told him flat out that it felt so wrong, but it felt so good. I should have just listened to what the little voice in my head was telling me and just concentrate on being with you and making you happy.”

Maria smiled shakily, then forced herself to ask much the same question she had asked earlier. “Why, though, Michael?” she asked. “If you felt this way about me, then why did you end our relationship so abruptly. Why did you say what you did?” she asked, pain clouding her eyes at the memory.

Michael reached down and caught her chin in his hand, gently tilting it up so she would look at him once more. “I was afraid,” he said quietly.

“Afraid of what?”

“Afraid of everything,” he said. “I was so afraid of getting involved with someone when I knew that at any moment we could find our way home and I would have to leave everything and everyone but Max and Isabel behind. I was afraid of involving you even more in the mess that is my life. I live in a trailer with a man who keeps me around for beer money, I now have FBI agents and the local sheriff on my tail, and I didn’t want to drag you into that. You deserve so much more than that.”

Maria ran her fingers through his hair. “Don’t you think that should be my decision, too?”

Michael shrugged. “Like I said, I was scared, so I wasn’t exactly thinking rationally.” He paused a moment and cast his eyes downward. “I was also scared of just getting too involved with you to the point that I knew that I wouldn’t be able to let go of you, and I wouldn’t want to. But it was too late for that, and I knew it, so I acted out of fight or flight and told myself that I had to keep you safe. I told myself I had to stay away from you, that it was too much of a risk.” He reached down and caught one of her hands in his own, lifting it to his lips. “But I couldn’t convince myself of that for long. The time while I’ve had to be away from you, when I couldn’t touch you and could barely talk to you, these have been the worst weeks of my life. Maria, I know exactly what I lost when I screwed up at the rave, and I am willing to fight to get it back. I care about you so much and I want to be a part of your life again. But I don’t want to involve you in all of this again and make you take any risks you’re not comfortable taking.”

Maria smiled shakily through the tears of happiness that were now spilling down her cheeks. “Some risks are worth it, and I’d say you definitely qualify in that category, Michael Guerin. I love you and I am willing to take that risk with you.”

Michael smiled, relieved and overjoyed at the same time, and pulled Maria close to him. Then he drew back and kissed her tenderly. “We’ll make this work,” he told her. “No matter what, we will.”

“Close your eyes and try to sleep now
Close your eyes and try to dream
Clear your mind and do your best
To try and wash the palette clean.”

Maria smiled, snuggling up to his side again. “I believe you,” she told him. She closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest, and in moments she was sound asleep.

Michael smiled down at the girl wrapped in his arms, scarcely daring to believe he was so blessed yet again. “I love you, too, Maria DeLuca,” he whispered. Then he bent down and kissed her forehead softly before sleep overtook him as well.

And somewhere in that world between dreams and reality Maria heard his words, and she smiled.