She froze, sniffed the morning air and said, “Michael?”

Maria opened her eyes and sat up in bed, “What are you doing here?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been six months since they had seen them. Her, Liz and Alex had survived for six whole months without Michael, Max and Isabel.

They had left Roswell at the beginning of summer. They had decided that if they were ever going to fulfill their destiny they had to search out the answers that Roswell could never provide. Maria had thought her heart would stop beating the day they had left. She remembered waiting in her room the night before. Waiting for Michael to come. She had fallen asleep before the window opened, before he entered her room by moonlight as had become a ritual. She awoke when she felt him slide into bed beside her. Before she could speak she had heard Michael whisper, “I’m sorry, Maria”. Then she felt the hot tears on her forehead as Michael cried himself to sleep wrapped in her arms. She held him close, never speaking and when he slid away from her before dawn, she did not utter a word. She couldn’t for fear she would guilt him into staying with her. She knew that she only had to say three words to make Michael stay with her in Roswell. To make him forgo his destiny and spend his life with her, but she couldn’t do that to him. Couldn’t tie him to a lifetime of wondering what might have been. So she let him go, without saying goodbye, and hoped that it would not be the last time she ever saw him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was two months after they left before Maria came clean to Liz about what had happened between her and Michael. Liz was saving herself for that perfect moment, as was Maria, except Liz didn’t know that Maria’s perfect moment had already come, and gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two months before the aliens left, Michael and Maria had consummated their relationship. It had happened almost by accident. Michael had come to Maria after midnight one night when she least expected him. She had worked until 11:00 at the Crashdown and then gone home and taken a bath. She had relaxed for almost an hour, breathing in the soothing scent of rose and eucalyptus. She had just crawled into bed when she heard the familiar tapping on her window. She watched with anticipation as the window slid open and Michael slithered into her room. They hadn’t spoken in over three weeks. Not since that night at the old soap factory. Michael had told her that he couldn’t be with her and Maria had decided that she was tired of being used. She had made up her mind then and there to never let Michael Guerin back into her life, into her room after midnight.

But here he was. Glistening from the light drizzle that was falling outside. She looked at him expectantly.

“Well”, she said.

Michael just looked back at her with those eyes. Those brooding eyes that, she swore, could see right into her soul. She sighed and got out of bed to get him a towel. Michael reached out his hand and grabbed her arm.

“Wait,” he whispered.

Maria glanced up at him and her heart melted. She knew that the resolve she had built up to protect herself from the pain Michael carried with him was dissipating quickly.

He pulled her to his chest. He lifted his hand and gently caressed her face with his fingers. Maria melted into his touch and moved in ever so slightly as he bent down to meet her lips.

She pulled away suddenly. “Wait,” she said angrily. “What are you doing here?”

“Shhh,” he said. “Don’t talk. Can’t we… can’t we just…”

“No Michael,” she snapped. “We can’t just… nothing. I’m not letting you back into my life just to have you rip my heart out all over again.”

“Maria, just hear me out, please.”

“No, I’ve heard just about all I can…”

“Maria…”

“…take.”

“Maria, please, stop for just one second”. Michael reached out to Maria a second time and placed his forefinger across her lips.

“Shh, please.” Michael was practically begging her to stop talking.

Every bone in her body was screaming at her to pull away from his grasp, but the beat of her heart was pounding in her ears, drowning out the rational voice in her head.

He looked down at her. Stared deeply into her eyes and felt his own heart start to pound. * God she was so beautiful. How could he have done that to her? Jesus Guerin, sometimes you can be so stupid! *

“What I did to you was wrong. No it was terrible, inexcusable. I don’t blame you for not speaking to me but I just had to come, had to apologize.”

“Michael, don’t…”

“No, you don’t. Let me say this, please. I’ve been carrying around this guilt in my heart for over three weeks now. Every time I look at you it’s like my heart is tearing in two all over again.”

Maria glanced into his eyes at this statement. * Michael’s heart was tearing? She thought that this was what he wanted. He was the one who had broken up with her. He was the one who had decided he had to be alone. Be ready to follow his destiny. *

He saw her mind churning and knew that he had stuck a chord. “Yes. My heart breaks every time I look at you. Every time I think about how much I hurt you.”

Michael stared at her for a moment, “Don’t you get it?” He wanted to scream at her.

“You saved me Maria.” Michael’s voice had dropped to a whisper. “You saved me. You saved me from a life of loneliness, of misery, … you saved me from myself.”

Michael’s eyes were welling up with tears. The thought flitted across his mind that he shouldn’t let Maria see him cry but then he glanced at her and watched her face crumble as she gasped and reached for him with her arms, her face, her entire being. His last strand of resolve snapped and he let himself cry into her embrace. He cried for the three weeks that they were apart. He cried for the harsh words he had spoken to her when he ended it. He cried because he knew that he was finally home, with Maria, where he belonged.

That night they made love for the first time. They had lain in each other’s arms for hours afterwards. They had never spoken about it before but in the moment it was the natural course to follow.

She had fallen asleep still cradled in his arms. When she awoke he was already gone but she knew that he was back in her life. For good this time… forever.

At that moment she had no idea that forever would only be for two short months.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Before the aliens left, life was blissful for Maria. After her and Michael got back together they hung out together every day during lunch and Michael stopped by the Crashdown most nights when Maria was working. He also stopped by her bedroom window every night after her mother had gone to sleep.

Maria knew that the three of them had been talking about leaving Roswell for months. Long before her and Michael had ever broken up or gotten back together. They had lived in Roswell all their life and so far had had minimal contact with anyone holding knowledge of their planet. They knew in their hearts that the answers they were seeking were out there, somewhere, and if they ever were to return to their planet they had to at least try and find them.

The night they left was exactly eight weeks after the night Maria and Michael had first made love. Michael had only given her one week’s notice that they were leaving. She had thought that she would never stop crying when he had told her. He had snuck in her window after midnight, as usual, and woke her with gentle kisses along her neck and shoulder. She had murmured his name softly and rolled into his embrace. When he clutched her tightly she knew instantly that something was wrong.

“What is it?” she asked hurriedly.

Michael squeezed her tighter. Not saying a word. He couldn’t for fear that he would lose it completely.

Maria hugged him back. *What was wrong? Why was he suddenly so upset? She had just seen him earlier that evening and nothing seemed wrong then. *

Michael cuddled closer to his love. “I have to leave,” he whispered in her ear.

Maria didn’t need any more than that. She knew what Michael meant. He was leaving her. His destiny had won out over her, again.

Maria couldn’t speak. The tears welled up from deep in her heart and spilled out onto her face. They poured down onto Michael’s chest, soaking his T-shirt. She cried as if her entire world was ending. Hours later she finally drifted off into a fitful sleep. She awoke again a few hours later still crying. She didn’t think it was possible for one person to hold so many tears, but here she was, crying for the love she had finally found with Michael, the love she was about to lose indefinitely, probably forever.

Maria fell back to sleep once more, still crying.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That last week that the aliens were in Roswell, Maria was sick every morning. She couldn’t eat, didn’t want to nourish the empty life that she was doomed to live without him. Michael tried to support her, comfort her, and tell her that he would be back but she couldn’t bring herself to believe his empty promises.

Even Liz tried to encourage Maria, comfort her. God! Liz and Alex!!! They were losing Max and Isabel too… how could they be so calm! She thought she would explode if Liz said ‘It’s going to be alright’ one more time.

Maria tried to eat sometimes. Anything to keep her friends off her back but deep in her heart she knew that she wasn’t sick due to not eating.

Maria Deluca was pregnant with Michael Guerin’s baby.

She was sure of it.

She made herself buy a home pregnancy test the day before he left. When Michael came to her room that last night to say he was sorry, Maria already knew. Knew that the three words that would keep him in Roswell were, “Michael, I’m pregnant”.

But Maria also knew that she couldn’t do that to him, to them. If she told Michael about the baby he would surely stay in Roswell and give up his dream of finding his destiny. What would that do to their relationship? Maria knew that Michael would grow to resent her eventually. He would see her as a burden, someone who had stood in his way when he had tried to complete the most important task in his life.

So she stayed quiet. Didn’t tell Michael that she was pregnant with his child. And let him leave. Maria cried herself to sleep for two straight months after he left.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maria finally confided in Liz on the two-month anniversary of their leaving. They hadn’t heard a word from the three of them since they had left. No clue as to where they had gone or if they were any closer to finding the answers they so desperately sought after.

When she told her that she had slept with Michael, Liz sat there with her mouth gaping open. When she told her that she was pregnant with his child, her friend fell off the bed… literally.

Liz had looked up at Maria from her new position on the floor and said “How?”

Maria had to laugh. “I just told you how,” she said.

“No, I mean, how could you let this happen? How could you not have told me before this? How could you not have told Michael?”

“Well, let’s see. It happened because we were caught up in the moment and didn’t use protection. I didn’t tell you because I was petrified of letting anyone know. And I couldn’t tell Michael because if I did then he never would have left.”

“But you should have told him. He has a right to know.”

“I know that, but I also know that if I had told him before he left he would have stayed in Roswell.”

“Well, what’s so bad about staying in Roswell?”

“Liz.” Maria had to wonder how her friend could be so smart at times and so dumb at others. “Michael is destined to look for answers. It’s in his very soul to find out all he can about his destiny. If I made him stay he would eventually grow to resent me and leave anyway. I’d rather give him the chance to find his answers now and when he comes back, if he comes back, I’ll know he’s here to stay.”

Liz looked up at her friend. She sounded like she had it all figured out. Like it was no big deal that Michael wasn’t here while she was pregnant. Liz looked away for a second and heard Maria breathe in sharply. When she looked at Maria again her eyes were squeezed shut and tears were starting to fall down her face.

“Oh come here sweetie,” Liz got up and sat next to Maria on the bed. “I knew it wasn’t alright.”

“Of course it’s not alright. He should be here.”

“I know, I know. I think he will be here… eventually.”

“I don’t know if I can wait until eventually.”

Liz rubbed Maria’s shoulders, “I don’t know if I can wait either.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maria paused by her locker. She thought back over the past few months. Her stomach was growing larger every day and she had gotten used to the stares and whispers she got from her classmates daily.

She had finally stopped crying herself to sleep every night. After the 5th month of no word from Michael, the hope of him returning had begun to fade. Maria figured that she had about 2 months of her pregnancy left so she had better decide whether she wanted to bring her child into a world of sadness or one of joy. Not that she would ever really be happy without Michael in her life, but she had to make appearances for the sake of her unborn baby.

Maria felt like her heart had physically turned to stone. No more tears were shed for Michael Guerin, but the lump in her chest remained as she longed for any contact with him. Even to see him in her dreams. God! He hadn’t even dream walked her for Christ sakes!!! He did not love her at all. He had finally done it, turned off his feelings and shut Maria out of his life completely. She doubted that anyone would be able to break through the stone wall that Michael must have built around his heart by now.

Alex walked up to Maria in the hallway. “Hey there chubby!”

“Hey,” Maria mumbled.

“What’s wrong?”

“What…? Oh, it’s nothing… it’s nothing Alex. I was just…”

“You were just wallowing in self pity and longing for an alien to come back into your life and make everything alright? I’m close aren’t I? Huh?”

Maria laughed at Alex in spite of herself. “Yeah Alex, I guess you’re close.”

Maria slammed her locker door shut. “I’ve got to get to class.”

“What do you have?”

“Biology”

“Yuck.” Alex wrinkled his nose at the thought of discussing biology for a whole period.

“Come on, I’ve got a free period, let’s get out of here.”

“Alex, I can’t.”

“Why not?” Alex questioned. “In another month you are going to be out of here to have your baby and missing tons of school. Missing one more Biology class is not going to hurt. Come on, we’ll go get Alien Blasts and Men in Blackberry Pie.”

Maria smiled, “Twist my rubber arm, why don’t you?”

“Come on. Liz is working on a project in the Bio lab. Let’s try to steal her away.”

An hour later, the three friends were sitting back in a booth at the Crashdown, questioning their decision to eat two pieces of pie each.

Maria sighed and looked at her two best friends. She was so lucky to have both of them. Especially with Michael gone… No! She was not going to think about him any more today. He had been on her mind constantly since she woke up this morning. Of course he was constantly in her thoughts but today was different somehow. It was almost like he was invading her thoughts, her very being.

She pushed herself up out of the booth and reached for her books.

“Here let me”, Alex said. He grabbed his and Maria’s books and crawled out of the booth. “I’m going now too, let me give you a ride.”

“Thanks. I’m just really tired. Thank God it’s Friday.”

“Hey, why don’t we grab a couple of movies tonight,” Liz looked expectantly at Maria and Alex.

Maria really just wanted to be alone but she knew they both worried about her being by herself so much. “Sounds good. Do you want to get together at my place?”

“Great,” she said. “Alex? Pick me up later and we’ll grab some movies and munchies?”

“Sure, I’ll see you around 8:00.”

Alex and Maria left to go home. Maria was quiet the whole ride home and when Alex spoke she let out a little yelp.

“Oh! Sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you.” Alex was looking at her with concern on his face.

“Sorry, I was just lost in my own thoughts. Totally forgot where I was for a moment.”

“Oh,” Alex paused. “Um, Maria, I was wondering, um, if you had, um, you know, um…”

“What?” Maria smiled at him.

“Um, just that I was wondering if you had given any thought to what you are going to do once the baby is born, I mean how are you going to support yourselves?”

“Oh,” Maria paused. * Why was he asking her this? * “My Mom and I should be able to handle it. I’m going to live with her for a few years until I can afford a place on my own and then we’ll see.”

“Well, I just wanted you to know that if you ever need someone to help out, you know, be like a father, or, um, whatever… “

Maria smiled. Impressed at her friend’s genuine offer. “You know, you are going to be such an important person in this baby’s life. ‘Uncle Alex’, the person who teaches her to play guitar and sing so she can replace her Mommy as lead singer of The Whit’s.”

Alex smiled back, “Well it’s just, you know, I thought that you might need something, I don’t know, something, um, more… “

“You know, I probably did once, but I’m okay now. Michael’s gone and I have to do this by myself. It’s fine; I’m going to be okay. Honest. And I’ll always have my Mom and you and Liz to help out. Don’t think you are going to get away without changing a few diapers yourself!”

Alex screwed up his nose. “Yew… stinky!!!”

Maria slid out of the car, still smiling. “See you around 8:00.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That night, the three best friends sat together contentedly watching their movies. They had never needed much more than a comfortable couch to curl up on to be completely at ease with one another. Maria’s legs were entangled with Liz’s somewhere around the middle of the sofa, while Liz’s head rested somewhere down at the end in Alex’s lap.

The last movie ended just before 12:00. Maria stretched and yawned. She was so tired; she could almost hear her bed calling to her.

Liz and Alex detached themselves from one another and got up to leave.

“Have a good night sweetie,” Liz said as she pecked Maria on the cheek.

“You too. So, shopping for more baby stuff tomorrow?”

“You know it!” Liz was already relishing her role as the baby’s favorite Aunt. “I’ll pick you up around noon, okay?”

“Sure” Maria hugged Alex goodbye and closed the door behind her friends. She rubbed her hands across her swollen belly. “Come on little one,” she whispered. “Let’s go to bed.”

Maria slowly made her way up to her room and collapsed under the covers. As she drifted off to sleep she vaguely wondered if she had locked her window but was too tired to check and see.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Maria woke up he was there. She had smelled his familiar scent before she opened her eyes. She was sitting up in bed now, staring at him.

“What are you doing here?” she repeated, this time more forcefully.

Michael looked at her with those eyes. * God his eyes were exactly the same. He was still wearing Michael clothes, still had Michael hair… everything about him was the same. Even the brooding eyes and the sad face. Nothing had changed. *

“What are you…?”

“I… I’m sorry. I just came back, I mean, we… um, we just came back, last night. I had to see you.”

Maria just stared at him. Six months! Six long months without even so much as a phone call, not even a dream walk! And here he was, in her room just like old times. God!

Maria swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up, the blankets falling away to reveal her very swollen stomach.

Michael’s face registered shock then surprise and finally he said incredulously, “What?”

“Don’t worry Michael. It’s not yours.” Maria didn’t know where those words came from. They just flew out of her mouth the minute she saw the look on his face.

“What? Whose?”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s not yours.”

“‘It doesn’t matter’?” Michael repeated. “Maria, you’re… you’re pregnant. You’re really pregnant!”

“Well, give the man a prize!” Maria looked at him with hurt on her face. “Yes Michael, I’m pregnant. Eight months pregnant to be exact but of course you wouldn’t know that since you haven’t been here for…”

Michael’s face clouded. “For six months,” he whispered. “It is mine, isn’t it?”

“No Michael, she’s mine. Not yours, mine. She can’t be yours because you aren’t really here. You just came back to torture me, to make me fall back in love with you so you can rip out the very last piece of my heart when you desert me one more time. And I’m not going to let that happen. Not again. You think you can just walk in and out of people’s lives, well no sir mister, not this life. We have our own little life now.” Maria paused then repeated, “She’s all mine.”

Michael looked at Maria. “She?” he mumbled.

Maria broke. She sat back on her bed and felt the repressed tears surface once more. *God! Why was he here? What was her trying to do to her? She felt like her heart was going to break already and he had only been here for five minutes! *

Michael got up and walked across the room to kneel in front of her. He reached for her arm but pulled back when she flinched.

“Okay, okay… I won’t, I won’t push you.”

Michael looked at her with her head buried in her hands. Pregnant! She was pregnant… with his child!!! Oh my God! He was going to be a father!!! He was happy, confused, scared - every emotion possible coursed through him at breakneck speed.

He looked back at Maria. He had to reach out to her. Explain to her. God how was he going to get back into her life this time?

Michael stood and turned to sit beside her on the bed. She inched slightly away from him, but he just sat there.

After what seemed like hours but was probably only 15 minutes, Michael said her name softly, “Maria?”

She had stopped crying and was laying back on the bed now, her face still in her hands.

“Maria, I have to … I want… will you let me explain?”

Michael took her silence as consent and took a deep breath.

“I came back for you, you know. Max, Isabel… we were chasing a dream, an idea, nothing concrete that we could actually hope to ever find and after a few months I realized that I was chasing after something that I didn’t even want to find anymore.”

Michael turned to look at Maria. She wasn’t crying anymore but her hands were still across her face.

He continued, “When I left Roswell, I left my heart here with you. I wasn’t able to embrace the search like I should have. The further we went and the more dead ends we found, the more I realized that I didn’t need to search anymore. I realized that I had already found my home… with you.”

Michael stopped, he wasn’t sure if she was listening or sleeping.

“Maria?”

Maria held her breath. She couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. * Michael was back? He never should have left? So what, did that mean he wanted her to just let him back in like nothing had ever happened? *

“I want you to know that I don’t expect you to let me back in like nothing ever happened.”

* No shit Sherlock. You can’t expect me to just forgive and forget in one night. *

“And I know that you are going to need time to digest this. I don’t expect you to just forgive and forget.”

* Okay, so now he knew what she was thinking too? * God, she hated him so much! Who was she kidding? She loved him so much. Michael would always know what she was thinking. They were tied together, destined to be together. To hell with any destiny that Michael’s alien ancestors had planned for him. He was destined to be hers, forever.

Michael stood up again. He nervously ran his fingers through his hair, pulled at his eyebrow and wondered if another’s words would reach her better than his own could. He decided it was worth a shot and walked over to her stereo. He removed a cassette tape from his pocket and popped it in the tape deck.

“When you’re ready press play. I’ll wait for you to decide.” Michael looked at her one last time and crawled out of her window soundlessly.

Maria knew he was gone, she could sense that his presence had left the room. She rolled over and buried her face in the covers. God! What was she going to do!?! She stood up and started pacing back and forth. Okay, Michael had gotten her pregnant and then left her. But he didn’t know she was pregnant when he left so she supposed that he couldn’t be faulted for that. Six months without hearing from him though, he sure as hell could be faulted for that. And now here he was! Saying he was sorry. Saying he was wrong. Telling her that she was his home!?! He thought of her as home!!! She had always thought of Michael’s arms as home to her. And if he felt the same way… No! She wasn’t going to let him do this to her again. He might be back now but it couldn’t be forever, he wasn’t capable to committing his entire life to her. A few months, maybe even a few years, and then something alien would pop up again and he’d be gone. Searching for clues to his home planet.

Could she blame him? No, not really. But she wanted him to stay here with her, forever. That wasn’t too much to ask was it?

Maria groaned and turned to grab her robe from behind her door. Her eyes fell on the tape deck and she remembered Michael’s words, ‘Press play’.

She felt as though she was in a trance as her hand reached out to hit the play button. She stepped back as the first strains of music began to fill her room.

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
Closer to where I started
Chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me

Now I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and I'm not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you