“My lover’s gone, his boots no longer by my door, he left at dawn, and as
I slept I felt him go
returns no more, I will not watch the ocean, my lover’s gone, no earthly
ships will ever
bring him home again, bring him home again.
My lover’s gone, I know that kiss will be my last, no more his song, the
tune upon his lips has passed
I sing alone, while I watch the ocean, my lover’s gone, no earthly ships
will ever
bring him home again, bring him home again.”

**********

Maria finished her shift at their restaurant and happily returned home. She knew he would be there, with dinner, and some movies. It had been their routine every Friday night. No matter what, they would watch movies on Friday nights. The sun shone brightly as she walked happily down the street whistling the tune to “Thank You,” and remembering the day she had written that song. She thought of her love for him, and what their love had created, the baby she knew was in her stomach. She couldn’t wait to tell him. They had always wanted children, and Max and Liz, always the scientists, had already proved that aliens and humans could breed and have completely healthy babies, by having four: Mickey, Belle, Alec, and Mariah. Isabel had recently given birth to her first child, Alex Whitman, Jr., Even Tess and Kyle had had a kid of their own, Neesa; it was definitely Maria and Michael’s turn. Maria could just see the look on her husband’s face when she said, “Mr. Guerin, you are going to be a daddy!” She couldn’t wait. She hurried up and quickly unlocked the door.

“Michael, I’m home!!!”

“In here baby,” Michael didn’t sound very happy...*oh no I hope he’s not in one of his dark moods* Maria thought, he hadn’t been in a mood like that since the day she said yes to his marriage proposal.

“Hey sweetie, you sound upset, what's the matter?” Maria said walking into the room without looking up. When she did she saw that Isabel, Alex, Tess, Kyle, and even Max and Liz were sitting in various places around the room. She could tell by the cold atmosphere that this was not a fun visit by a group of close friends, something was very wrong.

“What's the matter?” she repeated, instinctively going over to Michael and grabbing his hand for comfort.

“Tess was contacted last night, by people of our kind. They are calling us all back to our planet.” Max said, his eyes never leaving Liz’s.

~~~~~

“How is this even possible? Where is your home planet, and why are you going back? How are you going back? When are you all going to come back here, or are we going with you?”

“Baby, its an alien only, one way journey, and they say if we don’t go, they will have to execute us, for deserting them in their time of need.” Michael said this with a sad look of defeat, “they are at war and need our support in order to win. They have transporters, with escorts that will be sent down to claim us in two days. They say that no humans could ever survive this trip, and that even if they could, they would not be allowed on the planet. We can’t fight it.”

Maria looked around the room to see how people were reacting to all this. Max and Liz were clinging to each other, knuckles white, like they could never let go. Isabel broke into hysterics, Alex holding her and rocking her soothingly, whispering words of comfort. Most heartbreaking to Maria though, was the sight of her step-brother, the tears pouring silently out of Kyle’s eyes as he held onto Tess and said, “No, there has to be something we can do. We can make a plea to some alien council or something.”

“It’s illegal on our planet to mate with anyone who you are not matched to by destiny. We have to pretend we are with the people we are destined to be with. Me with Tess, Michael with Isabel.” Max shook his head sadly when Kyle opened his mouth in protest again. “There’s absolutely nothing we can do. If they found out about any of you, or of the children, they would execute you.”

Isabel's tears increased as she cried out “Not my baby, not Alex, never, they can never hurt them!”

“Can you return after the war?” Maria was almost afraid to ask the question, but knew she had to.

“No, they can only handle a one way transport, our kind cannot make it onto earth in the human adult form, we are immediately destroyed. That was the reason for the crash, and the reason why we were the only ones who made it through.” Max said this because he knew that Michael could not. Michael could not look at his wife and say “I’m leaving forever and will never come back.”

“But Nasedo lived, how come Nasedo lived...?”

“Nasedo was a hybrid. His father was from a different alien race, that’s why he could shape-shift. We are all pure bloods, that's one of the reasons they need us. We are pure bloods and we are royalty.”

Maria looked around the room with the same sense of defeat she could feel her husband expressing. She looked into the faces of her alien friends, Isabel and Tess, who at first she had considered enemies, but now loved deeply. She looked over to Max. She remembered how much they had bonded after that fateful summer in which they discovered that Max and Tess were destined to be together, as were Michael and Isabel. They had bonded over their inability to accept that destiny, and their struggles with their loves, who gave in to it so easily. Lastly she looked at Michael, and touched her stomach instinctively. He had to leave her. She knew it. This was different than the situation that summer, different from the millions of fights and times he claimed he had to desert her for her own good. This time he really was going to go. With this realization she fell to the floor, losing complete control, crying, kicking, and screaming more than she had since her father left when she was a toddler. Michael carefully picked her up, carried her to the bedroom, placed her on the bed and said “I’ll be back in a minute.” He went into the living room and she heard him say, “You all need to leave now, I’ll call you all tomorrow morning, and we’ll talk more, I think we all need to be with our families right now.”

His sudden initiative and strong words hit every person in the room hard, and they immediately began to disperse.

~~~~~

Michael returned to the bedroom, where Maria was heaving and gasping for breath after her intense fit.

“Maria, baby? I’m so sorry. I promised I’d never hurt you again. And I’ve hurt you more than ever before. I should have known better.”

“No....its....its not your fault....”

“I love you Maria, if there was anyway...”

“I know....I love you too.”

“I should never have stayed with you. It shouldn’t have ever had to happen. I shouldn’t have proposed. I shouldn’t have married you. None of it. I had chances to free you from me, but I was too selfish.”

“Michael, you can’t even say that, ok? I will never regret anything that ever happened between us. Nothing at all. I will miss you forever. And I will never love anyone else like I love you, but I will always be happy for the time we did have. You have made the last five years of my life worth living. It does hurt, this situation hurts. But don’t you ever think that you have hurt me in this. Its not your choice. I know that. I can accept it.”

“What do we do now Maria, I mean two days...”

“We have the best fucking two days ever, we don’t go to work, and we spend them together, and with our friends, and anyone else you want to say goodbye to.”

“I had finally found where I belonged, and now its being taken away from me...” Michael broke down crying, with a grief Maria had never seen in him before; she held her too him, gently rocking him in a maternal way, letting him fall asleep, exhausted from his tears, his wet face resting on her chest. She lay down snuggled up with him and listened to his heartbeat, silent tears streaming down her face, until she, also exhausted, fell asleep to lonely dreams.

~~~~~

The next day, Maria and Michael went to visit the Valenti/DeLuca home to talk to Maria’s mom and her husband. Tess and Kyle met them there as well, deciding it would be best if they all reported the bad news together. The four of them knocked on the door, and a very cheerful Sheriff Valenti answered the door.

“Heya kids, what brings y’all over here?” he asked as his wife came up beside him and put her arm around his waist.

“Mom, Jim, there’s something really important we have to tell you, we better all sit down.” Maria said, surprising herself by being the most composed person in the foursome. She could feel Michael shaking beside her, and could hear the faint hiccups coming from Tess, as she tried to keep herself from crying. She knew that Kyle couldn’t handle this without breaking down. He worshipped the ground Tess walked on, and lived solely for her. Jim and Amy moved aside motioning their children and in-laws to sit in the living room.

“What is it?” Amy asked, her mother radar picking up something very wrong.

“Max, Isabel, Michael, and Tess have been called back to their home planet, they are required to go or they will be killed. If their government finds out about us, we are going to be killed. All of us. And any hybrid children that resulted from our relations.” Maria said matter-of-factly, her voice not even shaking.

Michael gripped her hand tighter as the tears started rolling down his face, Tess dissolved into hysterics, clutching onto Kyle, and Kyle looked off into space with a vacant expression of dismay and loss on his face.

Amy and Jim looked around in shock, then recognition, as Amy began to cry quietly to herself, and Jim patted her hand consolingly and said, “There’s no way to fight it, is there?”

“Nothing we can do. I guess a part of me always knew this day was going to come.” Michael’s words hit home to Tess, who stopped crying, looked up and said, “We should have known better.”

~~~~~

“Maria, are you going to be okay?” a concerned Amy asked her daughter later that day, as soon as she got the alone time she so desperately wanted.

“Yeah Mom, sure, I’m only losing three of my best friends and the love of my life.”

“Oh baby, I am so sorry,”

“Yeah Mom, wanna know the ironic part? I’m pregnant. We have been trying so long. I found out yesterday. I went home all excited to tell him and find out all this instead. I haven’t even told him. I’m not going to.”

“Baby, you have to tell him.”

“No Mom, you see, he has to leave. He can’t stay. He feels guilty enough about leaving me. He could never handle the thought of leaving our baby too. He can never know. The one thing he wanted most in life, and he’ll never get to see it or know about it. Our dreams and prayers finally come true, and now this. God has a wicked sense of humor, doesn’t he?”

“Yes he definitely does. But how are you going to make sure that Michael doesn’t find out? I mean he deserves to know.”

“Mom, you are the only one I’ve told. None of the aliens will know. I won’t even tell Isabel and Tess. Especially not Max. They’d have to tell him. Your loyalty is to me first. You would never tell him. I’ll tell Liz , Alex, and Kyle after Michael leaves, and together the four of us will figure out something. I hope that after all of this, Liz will at least move back to Roswell. I miss her too much when she is gone, and she needs us now.”

“Baby, I can’t believe this is happening.”

“Neither can I Mom, neither can I...”

~~~~~

“So what movies do we have lined up for tonight?” Maria asked, giving Michael the most realistic smile she could muster.

“Steel Magnolias, When Harry Met Sally, and The Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.”

Maria couldn’t help but cry as she said, “Those are my favorite movies...”

Michael lifted her chin up forcing eye contact and said “I know”

Maria went into the bathroom, and changed into her favorite pair of sweats, now dubbed the “Michael sweats” and returned to him, knowing he would say what he did every time he saw her wearing them, “I wondered where those had gone...” As she walked back into the kitchen she smelled the stew simmering on the stove, and everything came back to her. All the events of the past 5 years of her life. Her entire time knowing him, loving him; she heard in the background the cd she had made, full of the songs she had written about their relationship. As she finished the meal and went to do the dishes the song “Thank You” came on. She sang along quietly. She felt him come up behind her to wrap his arms around her and whisper, “This is my favorite song ever.” He quietly sang along with her and the cd as they danced slowly around the kitchen, forgetting completely about the dishes and concentrating solely on each other.

Later settled in bed with When Harry Met Sally quietly going in the background, Maria turned to Michael and said, “I’m never going to be able to watch this movie again.”

“I know baby, I know.”

They kissed each other with sudden desperation, melding into each other as if striving for a way to stay connected, body and soul, forever.

~~~~~

The next day was perhaps the most depressing day of Maria’s life. She sat in a room surrounded by the seven people who had become her life for the past five years. Knowing that she had made every decision in those years for them, and considering what effects it would have on them. She realized that in less than twenty four hours four of them would be gone. Never again would she hear Isabel go on a long rant about something completely unimportant, and deep down, she knew that Christmas would not be the same without the control of the “Christmas Nazi.” Looking over at Tess she felt the tears swell. At first she had hated Tess, but when Amy and Jim married, Kyle and Maria got closer. She began to see Tess through Kyle’s eyes, and couldn’t help but loving her strong character, determination, and even her little fits. Looking at Max, she did not feel her own loss, but the loss that Liz would feel. For too long Max and Liz had lived solely for each other, they had closed off the others long ago, and the thought of them being apart bewildered Maria and broke her heart. She thought constantly of Michael. How could she let him leave? She had never thought it would come to this. She listened silently as Michael talked to all the humans in the group, saying goodbye to them in his own way. She knew that he would miss them deeply.

“I think that it would be best if we don’t take you with us when we get picked up” Michael said these words suddenly, and time seemed to stop, even temporarily stopping the flow of tears.

“We have to come, we have to say our goodbyes,” Kyle said this with a very determined tone of voice, possessively pulling Tess closer to him.

“I think we should say our goodbyes in private, and I also know that if Maria is standing off to the side watching as I board that ship, I won’t be able to get on it. I’ll turn around and run back to her. Not to mention that the escorts would be suspicious if they saw us kissing a bunch of crying humans goodbye.”

“As much as I hate it, Michael’s right.” Max stated, “I couldn’t leave either.”

“I don’t wanna risk you guys getting caught, Alex, that would only make it worse,” Isabel almost whispered these words, her eyes downcast, tears streaming down her delicate face.

“Kyle, I want you there, I want to spend every possible second with you, but Michael’s right, it’s way too risky...”

“I guess that settles it,” Alex said quietly, fresh tears in his eyes.

“We’ll all split up at 9 pm, go to our separate homes, have our last nights with our families, and then the aliens will meet around dawn at the designated site, which I think it would be best if we didn’t even tell you guys, no offense, but can any of you promise that you would stay away?”

Silence filled the room, as all the humans looked at their feet, knowing that Max was right.

“That’s the only way it can be done.” Maria replied, “I think that the four of us that are staying should meet at 9 am. That way we have a few hours to ourselves before we meet each other and deal with all the grief. I know I’ll need time to myself.”

Everyone agreed, and then the room went into complete silence, everyone just staring at everyone else. Maria’s hand once again traveled to her stomach. She wanted so badly for Tess, Isabel and Max to know about the baby, but she knew telling them would only hurt Michael more in the long run, so she held back. At 8:30, the aliens and humans said their final goodbyes, with as little tears as possible, and headed back to their respective homes for alone time. Maria silently thanked her lucky stars that she did not have to see her husband say goodbye to one of their children as the rest of the couples did. At least they were exempt from that pain.

~~~~~

In their room, Michael and Maria lay in bed holding each other, afraid to speak or do anything to disrupt the moment.

“I’m going to leave while you’re asleep, I’m a coward and I can’t handle saying goodbye to you”

“I know... I think its best too, I would never let you go if I was conscious when you went.”

“Please just remember that I love you and don’t want to leave”

“I will. I love you too, carry my love with you wherever you go.”

“I will, lets go to sleep, and pretend we are just saying good night, not goodbye”

“Yeah, good night Michael.”

“Good night, Maria.”

Maria snuggled up close to him, listening to the same calming heartbeat that she had lived for for so long. Knowing that he would fall asleep first, he always did, she waited to feel the rumble in his chest that accompanied his light snoring. While she waited for that feeling, she glanced around the dark room, and saw through the open door the moonlight shining on the pair of boots he always wore. “Please don’t leave me Michael, please if you love me you’ll stay, you have to..” Maria cried quietly to herself, and suddenly felt the rumble in his chest. She was shocked that he fell asleep so quickly, and yet surrounded by his warm embrace, with the light sound of his snoring, and the wonderful smell of pure Michael around her, she too began to drift.

Late that night, Maria sensed movement next to her while she slept, but did not allow herself to wake fully. She felt the warm kiss of his lips to hers, and heard the quiet whisper: “Goodbye, I’ll always love you...” She snuggled back down into the bed, pretending that he was still there.

~~~~~

She awoke alone for the first time in two years. She sat up, forgetting that he had left, and glanced toward the bathroom, and then allowed her gaze to encompass the entire room, her eyes fell on the open door, and the spot that the moon had shown upon the night before, illuminating his boots. They were gone. It all came back to her in an instant. She curled back up in the bed crying, never wanting to leave it again.

She read the note that was pinned to the window:

“M, I’m sorry I’m such a coward. I stole your cd. I need to hear the sound of your voice when I get lonely. I will miss you, please remember our love. Love, M”

She cried for so long that she was violently ill. She returned to her bed, and began to hear the beginnings of a new song....

“My lover’s gone, his boots no longer by my door, he left at dawn, and as
I slept I felt him go
returns no more, I will not watch the ocean, my lover’s gone, no earthly
ships will ever
bring him home again, bring him home again.
My lover’s gone, I know that kiss will be my last, no more his song, the
tune upon his lips has passed
I sing alone, while I watch the ocean, my lover’s gone, no earthly ships
will ever
bring him home again, bring him home again.”

*********

As her voice faded out, she thought of her son, laying, asleep, across the hall. Conor was the perfect child. Looking at him, Maria saw all the parts of Michael she loved, blended with aspects of herself, reminding her that Conor was a product of their love. She snuck into the room, and looked at her peacefully sleeping child. Conor’s small body was curled into a ball; he had a small smile on his face, the same peaceful smile Michael always had when he was asleep. Even at his young age, his hair had that same spiky wildness to it, and looking at him, Maria could see the eyes sparkling with mischief and a quirky knowledge of the world. Watching him sleep, Maria realized how unfair she had been when she didn’t tell Michael about Conor. He needed to know. She realized she had kept it from him out of spite, if she couldn’t have him, he couldn’t know their baby existed. Maria walked back into her room, and picked up her song journal. She opened it to a blank page and began writing, but this was not a new song, instead it was a letter:

“M,

I never told you, but the day we found out you were leaving, I found out I was pregnant. I thought that by not telling you I was saving you from unnecessary pain. I was wrong. You need to know about Conor. He is perfect in every way; he reminds me so much of you that sometimes it hurts to look at him. I miss you, I love you, and I need you. Conor needs you too. Please find a way to come back to us. Love, M”

Maria folded up the letter, and tied it to a helium balloon that was left over from Conor’s recent fourth birthday. She opened the window, and carefully let the balloon go. As she watched the balloon disappearing into the darkness, she felt for the first time calm acceptance for the loss of Michael. She had always known he was never going to come back, but for the first time she realized he wasn’t totally gone. He still surrounded her: in her heart, mind, and soul, and in their son. For the first time she realized she would make it without him.

Far away, Michael looked up into the night sky, and he suddenly knew. He knew about his son, and he forgave Maria for not telling him; he knew that Maria still thought of him as much as he did her. He felt a warm blanket of love surround him, and for the first time in five years fell into a deep, peaceful sleep, whispering the words, “I love you, Maria, I always will...”