I saw perfection for the first time in first grade. From the first instant that I laid eyes on Isabel Evan’s I knew she was set down on earth from heaven. Maybe that’s why this whole alien thing didn’t weird me out that much. It makes sense that someone so perfect couldn’t be human.

Of course the other reason that I didn’t freak out is because I was too in shock over the fact that she was talking to me to really comprehend most of what she was saying. It didn’t matter if she her staple food was the brain tissue of geeky bass players in high school garage bands. I wouldn’t have been able to run away from her. She’s been my dream since I was six years old.

When she actually sat next to me and looked up at the stars I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Then she backed away… then she told me she was suffocating…then she didn’t show up to see me tonight.

Way to go Alex Whitman king of the dorks. I could have lived happy for my entire life just being her friend. I really could have. But I had to push it and now I’m not even sure what we are to each other. Perfect.

// Thought it was easy, thought it was free Now it seems like a mystery There's a part of the picture that you can't see That's the way it's supposed to be //

It used to be so simple when it was just the three of us. Max and Michael, my big brothers protected me from everything that was scary. I never expected things to get complicated. I never expected to have feelings like this for someone who knew the truth. I thought I understood everything about myself. I may not have any answers about where I come from but I know what I can do, I know what makes me different and I know what makes me the same. But when I’m around Alex, I don’t know anything.

He’s different. He doesn’t look at me like the other boys at school. He never did, not even before he knew. I just wish I knew why. It scares me to think that he wants me to let him in. There are so many things I have to worry about.

He isn’t suffocating me. He’s just making me feel things that I’m not used to feeling. Things I don’t understand. Mom tells me that it’s normal to be confused about boys and to not understand them. But I understand Alex. I just don’t understand myself when I’m with him.

// You will fly and you will crawl God knows even angels fall No such thing as you've lost it all God knows even angels fall //

Maybe I just tried for too much too fast. If I slow down, start over, apologize for trying to be more than her friend things will be ok. She’s not perfect, and I’m just starting to understand that. The sick thing is hat to me, her imperfections just make her more incredible.

There she was telling me I had to back off and she looked terrified and I understood. I wasn't suffocating her, I was putting her to high on a pedestal. So I didn’t get it before but I think I’m starting to understand. She doesn’t want to have to live up to perfection.

So I’ll back off. I admit it. I was hoping to see her here tonight. I was hoping that seeing me up on stage, even if the lime light was on Maria, would make her realize that I’m not just a puppy dog following her around leaving gifts for her. I’m disappointed, but not really surprised. Maybe it’s for the best.

I want her to understand that I don’t care if she’s perfect or not. I just care that she’s happy. If she falls, if she gets hurt, I want her to know that I’ll be there if she wants me. And if she doesn’t want me, I’ll deal. I won’t like it, but I got to look at the starts with an Angel by my side. I’ll never lose that.

// It's a little secret that no one tells One day it's heaven, one day it's hell You may learn, you may disagree That's the way it's supposed to be //

I hate secrets. I hate keeping the truth from my mom but Max isn’t ready. I hate lying to Michael about being interested in going home but it’s what he needs to hear. Most of all I hate lying to myself. Max is allowed to sit in his room and listen to that damned depressing music. Michael is allowed to be sullen and moody and even nasty. I just have to go on like nothing matters.

Sometimes I don’t mind. Sometimes it’s not hard to smile through the day and pretend that I’m just Isabel Evans, daughter of Phillip and Diane, one of the popular, pretty girls. But most of the time, most of the time it takes all my strength not to go hide where I don’t have to pretend.

Max and Michael still claim we have to keep our distance. I don’t see the point. I don’t want to keep my distance. I know that I pretend to agree with them, but I don’t. I’m getting closer to Liz and even Maria every day. It’s nice. I have friends. Real friends. Max and Michael always had each other, but for the first time, I have girls that I can go to and talk to.

They’re being stupid, Max and Michael I mean. And if they are, then I guess I am too because we’re all letting fear stop us from being happy. I’ve learned something from Alex. Just because you’re afraid of something doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go after it.

I can’t agree with Michael and Max anymore. I need to be happy, even if that means breaking a few promises and telling a few truths. What do they expect… I’m not perfect, and even if I were…even angels fall. Right?