She ached for a long shower and hoped secretly that her friends wouldn't be in need of her tonight. She laughed after thinking about such an absurd thought. They didn't seem to need her lately.

She entered her room and suddenly realized how disorganized it was. Stumbling over clothes and discarded items she finds her dresser and grabs a few things that she'll need for her shower. She takes in a breath of her favorite scent and begins to make her way to the bathroom. Such a mess began to remind her of someone that she was longing to forget. Someone who is just as disorganized- only on a daily basis.

She turns on the shower and takes in the steam that begins to form throughout the bathroom. She put her items- new and old- on the counter and closes the lid on her toilet. She sits down and stares at something she had put in her bathroom. She picks it up and examines its contents, a feeling of worry and nervousness fills her. She places the contents back on the counter, strips off the last of her clothing and steps in the shower, enjoying how the water felt running down her every crevice. She began to think of the past few months, years- whatever- and how they'd completely ravaged her life. She didn't regret it, but now she almost seemed to.

'Six years' she thought to herself, 'and nothing has changed.' She closed her eyes as she massaged shampoo into her hair and began to recall her past- something she tried to push as far away from her as possible- but lately even that seemed difficult. She just wasn't like- him.

*****

Six years before, her life seemed relatively normal. Then her friend lets her in on an unbelievable secret that would change her life forever. So she gets to know more about this secret, and she enjoys seeing her friend so happy.

Then there's this tall, brooding fellow who seems to be all over her one-minute and in the next- it's like she's non-existent.

The first three years seemed to be this way, even as college loomed. Then everyone went his or her own way- pretty much. Now she was back home, for the first time in a long time. She had been back for almost six months and realized that very little had changed amongst her friends in the last three years. Then she remembers him. That guy- the only one that she could give herself to. The guy who always seemed to break her heart and mend it in a single heart beat.

She remembers all the sleepless, intimate nights with him. His touch, his kiss, his heat- all come back to her as if she was really feeling them.

She chided herself for thinking that he wasn't really a jerk as she had previously thought. Now he seemed to be the biggest jerk she'd ever known. He'd never hurt her this bad before and she was sure that he could never mend it- no matter how hard he tried.

She remembers the heartache, the nights when she would cry herself to sleep all because of him. She remembers looking at him, as he would break her heart- almost careless at times as if he didn't realize what he had done. She remembered how he had looked at those times. Didn't it hurt him when he hurt her?

She remembers all the times he said, "I love you," and wonders if he really meant it. She remembers all the times he said, "I hate you, " and wonders if he really felt that way. She remembers seeing him at the crashdown and wondering why he wouldn't look her way. Then she remembers what is probably the easiest thing ever to remember about a person- yet to her the most painful. She remembered his name and without thinking the words came out of her mouth. The only two words in the English language that could hurt her and heal her in the same instant- Michael Guerin.

In that instant she leaned against the shower wall and felt the hot tears rolling down her soaked cheeks. She cried until she had no tears left to cry. He had changed her life forever and she knew that she would never be the same again.

******

She stepped out of the shower and wrapped her self in a large soft white towel. Everything she sees in the room reminds her of him. She feels the lump rise in her throat again, but forces it again. He wasn't worth crying over twice, she told herself. Then she saw the one thing in her bathroom that still had not remote connection to him- at least not yet. It was something new- some thing that had never been her bathroom before. She takes the item in her hand and decides to use it.

She sits on the cover toilet curled up with her knees to her chest. She sat so still with her eyes closed tightly, counting the seconds until she would have to open them again. Everything hinged on one true sign. Realizing she could no longer count she slowly opened her eyes and looked at the object in her hands, frowing at what she found.

*******

She closed her eyes again and remembers his hands all over her. Her heart pounding and her nipples harden to his touch. She remembers how he explored every inch of her body and made her feel so right. She attempts to remember all the ways she explored them, but pushed them away from her mind.

Then she remembers how it felt as he pushed himself inside of her- so good, so right, so wonderful. She remembers and soft moan escapes her mouth as she returns to reality. How could something like that feel so wonderful and now seem so wrong.

********

Her eyes traveled back to the object in her hand and she groaned- sure that what she found wouldn't change its mind. She entered her room once more and put on her pajamas. Sleep was the only thing she wanted right now. She noticed that the new object, now had a connection to something oddly familiar and tossed it in the garbage. She yawned and let her self fall onto her bed.

Almost immediately she felt her mind shut down, her eyes close and her body enjoying the slumber it was about to receive. She let out one last deep breath and fell asleep.

*********

Before she knew it was waking up to the sound of her alarm and a sliver of bright light shining through her window.

She braced herself for another day at work and left the bed. She had to get dressed and she did she began to notice little things. The way she combed her hair, the way she attempted to smile, but only seemed to force a grin. The way her hands kept falling to her abdomen and suddenly she remembered something important about the night before.

She went down the stairs in her waitress uniform and told her mom "goodbye." Maria De Luca climbed into her mother's Jetta and drove to the crashdown to see her best friend, Liz Parker. She no longer hoped or wanted anyone else familiar to be there- except Alex- but he had to work that day as well.

She parked in the lot next to the café and couldn't help noticing the Jeep that she had unconsciously parked next to.

It was Max Evans's jeep. Maria figured that he had come- hopefully alone or with Isabel- to stare longingly at Liz. Maria knew that they had their wild nights while she was away at school, but didn't really care that much about it. She just locked her mother's car and headed inside to see her best friend.

Liz was refilling the coffee maker when Liz entered the café from the break room. She didn't even look to see who was there to eat. She had trained herself not to for fear that if she did- she would either run away in tears or lose her mind- whichever came first. She smiled at Liz and begged her for a moment to talk. Liz reminded her that she was running late, but Maria didn’t' care. Reluctantly, Liz finished with the coffee maker and followed Maria into the break room.

********

(at the table a conversation between Max and Michael unfolds)

Michael: Anything interesting up at school besides the love of your life- Liz?

Max: I thought we had this conversation already Michael. What is it?

Michael: I thought we agreed- no connections?

Max: Michael, that was your decision and I have overcome it. We're not in high school anymore.

Michael: Yeah, but Maxwell, I don't think that she would ever forgive me and I would end up hurting her again.

Max: I have seen you in full verbal action and we both know it's never pretty. I don't know what you been doing around here by yourself, but you've got to get over your fears about her.

Michael: I don't think it's possible. I think I've hurt her too much to be able to heal her all the way.

Max: All this time and you still don't know a damn thing about healing do you, Michael? Sometimes the process is slow and doesn't involve our healing powers. You know what I see in her when she's around you?

Michael: What?

Max: Mostly, pain and fear. Sometimes she might feel a flicker of love- if you will call it that. She doesn't even look at you anymore Michael. You've got to talk to her, Michael

(Michael nods in agreement, but looks more scared than he's even been before.)

***********

Liz looked at Maria in total shock as she repeated for the fifth time what she was still trying to believe, "Are you sure?" Liz didn't think that Maria and Michael had been in one square mile of each other since Maria had returned to Roswell- except at the crash down.

Maria was almost in tears, but forced herself to hold them back. It was the hardest thing that she had tried to do all day- so far. Liz commented in disbelief, "I didn't think that he even wanted to touch you since you got back?"

Maria just put her head in her hands and mumbled, "I thought that if I let him in again he might not screw up- I realize too late this time. I was dead wrong, Liz. I can't even face him, how can I tell him this let alone the word 'hi'?" Liz put a hand on Maria shoulder and said, "he hurt you pretty bad this time, huh."

Maria felt a tear trickle down her cheek as Liz spoke and all her dams broke free as she sobbed, "Worse than ever before. Maybe I should leave Roswell. Ever since they came into our lives I can't seem to exist in Roswell without feeling pain."

Liz patted her friend gently and gave her a quick hug as she said, "I should get to work before someone notices that I'm missing. You stay here until your ready.

We'll talk later, okay?" Maria nodded and as she heard the door close she curled up on the couch she was sitting on and let out her tears- hoping all her pain would dissipate with their absence. Deep down she felt her heart break in the true realization that such a thing would never happen.

When had no more tears to cry she grabbed a box of Kleenex and headed toward the bathroom. She didn't even recognize the girl she saw in the mirror- the one with puffy tear stained cheeks and blood shot eyes that vaguely represented the Maria that once was- the Maria she thought she would never be again.

Finally, she entered the café again and forced herself to see if Michael was there half-heartedly hoping that he was- not even disappointed when he saw he wasn't there. Yet, deep down she felt her heart wrench and a little voice telling her that she needed him- his voice, his touch, his embrace, all of him- no matter how much he hurt her- and she knew that it was wrong.

Somehow underneath it all, it also felt so right. In an attempt to forget the present- and the past- she went to work, hoping to forget what was currently on her mind.

After work, Maria had a long talk with Liz about him- and other things like Max, work, and the news that Maria had just told to Liz earlier that day- she was pregnant with Michael's baby.

Somehow, Liz convinced her to go to this party at the local bar. She didn’t usually go, but it was karoake night and she felt like singing out her anger.

She went there with Liz from Liz's apartment. She had moved out of her dad's apartment and into the one right next door. It was smaller, but she enjoyed the privacy and the semi-independence from her dad.

Maria changed out of her uniform and into nicer clothes. She had brought her blue halter top- due to lack of clean laundry- and her white jeans. She was happy to have a girl's night out with her best friend, but an all too familiar thought kept nagging her. She tried to push the thought away, but let herself think it just once, 'Would he be there?' She had a feeling that Max would be there since Liz was "dressed to kill" and Michael was usually around Max- especially when he was avoiding Hank, but that was long forgotten past.

Michael had out grown the need for a parent long ago and Maria just chuckled at the thought of Michael being one. Wiping the smile from her face, she pushed him into the deep recesses of her mind and decided not to think of him for as long as possible.

Of course that only lasted until she and Maria arrived at the bar. She could've sworn that she saw him, but denied it. She grabbed Liz and went into the bar letting herself escape into a loud smoke-filled room. They found a table and Maria jumped at a chance to sing. She had become more confident about her voice over the years, but never gave it the chance to make her famous.

She sang Madonna's new song, "American Pie," and began to really enjoy herself for the first time in a long time. The she left the stage to consume her soda that she had previously ordered. Suddenly a slow song came on- a love ballad- by Timmy T. It was called, "One More Try."

Maria almost choked when she heard the voice that was straining to get the melody just right. "One more try, let me sow you how much I love you, one more try…" she heard behind her. She didn't have to turn around to know who was singing and what he was up to. Still she turned to acknowledge him. He deserved that much credit for trying so hard to get her attention. As she listened- only looking at him from time to time- she felt tears welling up in her eyes. She had no idea that he could sing so beautifully and was overwhelmed at the gesture he was trying to impress her with. Even if he had just taken her in his arms and said, "I love you," she would have been appeased.

As he finished, instead of saying those last words that Timmy always said Michael looked straight into her beautiful bright eyes and told her, "I love you Maria. Please give me one more try."

Before she could even think about what he had just said- and done- his lips met hers. Without thinking she kissed him back and as he pulled back she began to cry. Everyone in the bar began to whistle and cheer in response to his gesture to Maria as they kissed. Afterward, she couldn't help but smile. Unconsciously, her right hand traveled to her abdomen once more and she knew that she had to leave.

She exited the bar and coughed out the last of the smoke. Liz followed her out, realizing what Maria had just thought. Maria was being terrible to the life growing inside her. Liz looked at her, wondering if she had truly forgiven Michael. The look on Maria's face told her enough. She looked happy, yet ready for anything that came her way.

Liz offered to take Maria home and Maria accepted as she realized that Michael had not come outside to see why she left. Maria realized that Michael was still one thing above all else- scared to let her in. She knew that he was madly in love with her now, but she was beginning to hate him for acting so scared. The Michael she knew was never as scared as he seemed to be.

That night she lied in bed thinking about him, wondering if he would stop by. She actually attempted to clean her room to no success and left her window open- just incase.

That night she stirred from her sleep from a sound that came from her window. She turned her head to see him standing there- still a little scared- but staring at her, longing to hold her in his arms and never let her go. Last time he had come, he did promise never to hurt her and broke it- like he always did. This time he just looked at her in silence, but she knew his words well. She just stared at him nervously as he approached her with a faint smile on his face. Their lips met and he whispered, "I love you" through them. She pulled away and even though she looked scared she said, "Oh Michael, I love you too." Their lips met again, this time more firmly and he pulled her so close.

Realizing where her hand had traveled to for the umpteenth time that day she pushed Michael away again and stared into his eyes. Without noticing it, she let out a giggle and he looked at her so confused. She took one of his hands and placed it on her abdomen as she said, "Michael, I have to tell you now. I didn't want to until I knew you'd never leave." He caressed her cheek with his free hand and said, "I will never leave you again- I promise. I don't think I could live without you any longer even if I wanted to."

She managed a small grin enjoying his hand on her abdomen and said, "Michael, I'm pregnant. I mean- we are." She heard him gasp softly and new that he was either trying to keep that response a secret- or it happened unconsciously. He placed his other hand on her abdomen bringing her hands to the same place and said, "What a lucky baby." That night was one of the happiest she had ever had. She never forgot it.

*******