And she slams on the brakes

Maria de Luca looked at the sleeping boy, no man, beside her. He looked so peaceful when he was sleeping, unlike when he was awake and always worrying. She wondered why after five years she was still tagging along, driving him to some godforsaken land or another. Maria didn’t know why she did it. Maybe it was an excuse to stay in Michael’s life. Maybe she thought she was actually helping out. What ever it was she was tired of it and could no longer take these pointless journeys. She just couldn’t do it anymore. This was going to be hard, possibly the hardest thing she’d ever done. Maria slammed on the brakes.

****

Michael flew forward. "What the…" he started looking at her with an annoyed expression. He looked around rubbing the sleep from his eyes. They were in the middle of nowhere. Why the hell had she stopped here?

"Whadya go and have to do that for? You woke me up."

"Well, I’m sooorreee spaceboy," Maria said. She was hiding something, something important, he could tell by her sarcasm.

"Well why are we stopped in the middle of nowhere?"

She said I tried to be

but I’m not

And would you please collect your things

"I can’t do this anymore Michael," she pleaded. "I just can’t drag you around the globe, taking you where ever your heart desires. I have a life too you know. I’ve tried but I just can’t do this anymore."

"You never had to. You knew you could have just said no." Michael didn’t understand her problem. She never had to come with him, or any of them for that matter, she was always the one pushing to come. "And any way you were always the one who wanted to come with me. I never forced you." He thought for a second. "Well maybe not never, but there was always a way out." At least that was true.

"Michael, what was I gonna do? Let you take my car to only god knows where? I couldn’t do that, you know what that car means…"

"To your mother and your relationship. Yeah I know."

"Whatever. I just can’t do it. Please get out."

"Out, like out of the car, out? Maria, what am I supposed to do in the middle of an abandoned highway."

"Well what were we doing here in the first place?" She just didn’t understand. This one was really important. He needed to reach Max before he made the biggest mistake of his life. He couldn’t let Max marry Liz, marriage was to final. He had done fine dealing with their relationship, better than he had done with Maria or Isabel, but marriage, no marriage changed everything.

"Don’t you understand how important this is?"

"They’re all important. Every trip we take you claim it’s the most important, that it’s a life changing event."

"Maria, Max and Liz are getting married."

"I know," she said nonchalantly.

"You knew, for how long? How? Who told you?"

"For about a month. Liz told me." He couldn’t believe it. She had known all along and never let on to him about it. Michael had just found out the night before.

"And you didn’t stop them?"

"No," she said. I thought she might start crying. "Michael I just can’t do it. You need to go. There’s a rest stop a couple miles ahead. Use your feet and walk to it."

"Why can’t you just drive me another couple of miles."

"Because I might change my mind."

Well I don’t wanna be cold

I don’t wanna be cruel

but I’ve got to find more than what’s happened with you

so if you’d open up the door

"So at least I would be warm."

"Michael, please. Don’t fight me on this one. I don’t mean to be cruel or heartless but I have to do this."

"No you don’t."

"Yes." I heard the word but didn’t want to believe it. How could she do this to him? After all that had happened with her all they had been through and experienced, how could she just drop him, cold turkey.

"Yes I do. My life is stuck in a rut from which I cannot escape. You tell me you love me, but do nothing about it. I need to live, I need to find more than Roswell, more than you." Her words were so different from everything he’d ever heard from her.

Michael put his hand on the door handle and looked at Maria one last time, straight in the eyes. He didn’t want to make this easy for her. "Fine," he said, trying to save what little pride he had left. He swung open the door and stepped from the car.

She said while you were sleeping

I was listening to the radio

and wondering what you’re dreaming

when it came to mind that I didn’t care

As he stepped from the car he heard Maria whisper, "Good-bye Michael. I’m sorry."

Without turning around he replied, "Maria just tell me this, do you care for me any longer, did you ever care for me?"

"Yes I did care for you. But somewhere on this road, my mind changed. It wasn’t a conscious decision, it was an unconscious change, a change I couldn’t prevent." He understood what she was saying, but he didn’t want to know. He still listened. Maybe he did want to know, he wanted to know every detail.

"I looked at you back there, so peaceful. Only in your sleep are you calm Michael and I am part of the problem. I add to the confusion of your life. I always knew that. But another thing occurred to me when I looked at you, I realized…I realized that I no longer cared for you like I used to. I want to protect you and help you, not kiss you and love you. The passion has gone."

That’s what he got for never letting her in, for pushing her away every time they started to have a real relationship. He knew this might happen, but he had hoped it wouldn’t, he had hoped by the time she started to fall out of love he would be ready to fall in love. But that wasn’t the case. He wasn’t lucky enough to love her.

I thought hell if it’s over

So I better end it quick or I could lose all my nerve

are you listening

can you hear me

have you forgotten

Michael knew he had to leave or he would do something drastic. If he didn’t just walk away now he would never be able to. He knew he would have to leave her someday, why did it have to be this one? But why shouldn’t it.

"Good-bye Maria," he said over his shoulder and walked off down the road. He heard Maria turn the car around and head home for Roswell. "Who cares?" he thought to himself. "I certainly don’t. I’m glad we’re through." But he knew that was far from the truth.

Minutes later he heard a car behind him. The engine sounded familiar. It was a Jetta. Maria’s Jetta.

Just three miles from the rest stop

and my mouth’s too dry to rage

light was shining from the radio

I could barely see her face

She pulled up next to him and rolled down the window. "Michael," she said. Michael turned toward her expectantly. He knew what he wanted her to say, but she didn’t. "You forgot your jacket."

"Oh," he replied, disappointed. She handed him the jacket and Michael deliberately made sure he made contact with her hand. He looked into the car. The light from the dashboard gave her face an eerie glow, almost ethereal. She looked beautiful to him. He wanted to tell he everything he had never said to her.

she knew all the words I never had said

she knew the crumpled up promise

of this broken down man

and as I opened up the door

But he didn’t have to say them. Michael knew by the look on her face that she knew everything he wanted to say. She knew he loved her and her expression was one of sympathy and understanding. Michael opened my mouth to say them anyway.

"Michael, no. I can’t let you tell me. I can’t let you promise me things and tell me things that you will regret. And even if you won’t regret them, I know what you’re going to say. I’ve heard it all, I don’t need this, not from you. I need to be free."

"Just let me…"

"No," she said firmly, "I’ll see you around." And with that she rolled up the window. Michael grabbed for the handle but she drove off quickly. "No you won’t," he said to himself. Michael walked off towards the rest stop, hoping he would find someone to take him away. He just wanted to leave and never return. He would write Max when he got there.

****

Maria felt tears fill her eyes as she drove towards Roswell. Somehow she knew she would not see him again. Some how she knew he would go to that rest stop, and never return.

She said while you were sleeping

I was listening to the radio

and wondering what you’re dreaming

when it came to mind that I didn’t care

I thought hell if it’s over

So I better end it quick or I could lose all my nerve

are you listening

can you hear me

have you forgotten