Infuriated, Bewildered, Confused and most of all hurt. This is what my life is
consistently made of. Many people think they know me, but they don't. Many
people think they see me, but they definitely don't understand. I don't think
anyone sees me as I truly may be, not even Liz. When my father left me and my
mother when I was 7, I cried, but the tears weren't physical, instead they
poured from the heart, from my insides, draining out all the light and draped
it with heavy hurt.Of course, I never told anyone. I hid all my true feelings with jokes and I
covered my hurt by letting people perceive me as someone who was strange. At
one time in my life, I realized that I was destined to be outside of the
spotlight, I was destined to be the sidekick, I was to be known as the ditzy
best friend who made light of situations. Michael Guerrin. The guy who I had finally felt some sort of connection with.
It wasn't any type of sexual connection, for once in my life it was someone
who had this vibe that let me know that it was OK, in his own little way he
let me know that it was OK to be me. We both had been hurt at some point in
our lives and we both had done whatever we could to hide that pain. After
Michael and I kissed at the Crash Down that night, I felt an emotion surge
through me, an emotion that I hadn't felt in a long time. It continued and in
my head I knew that our "relationship" didn't mean much to him, but in my
heart I had been wishing that he felt something. I asked him casually about
us and he blew me off, in 20 seconds, with a string of words that turned into
a short sentence he had broken my heart. .In 3 short months my life had changed
and for once, in those months, I had regretted ever meeting the
Czechoslovakians I always looked at the stars and spoke to them silently. Their bright colors
sparkled and lit up the night and even once I had damned them for threatening
to take away the only thing I had left to clutch to. For once I cried those
tears that had draped my heart for the past and I cried those tears because
of my fear of what was to happen in the future. |
