I'm Liz Parker and much has happened since my last entry. I said Maria would give birth in early July. I was wrong. She gave birth yesterday to Emily Isabel and Alexander Michael Guerin. Alexander died not long after birth. Maria's in a coma.

Mrs. DeLuca is already packing Maria's things that she left at the house. She doesn't expect her to pull through. I used to think Amy was strong. I guess I was wrong.

Michael hasn't left the hospital. I meant it when I said he's just like a brother to me now. He is. He's been there for Maria since the second he found out she was pregnant. She never said anything, but I know she was scared he'd take off like her own dad did. He's not gonna do that.

Max, Isabel, and Alex are just about as distraught as I am. We were all there in the apartment. We watched both babies come into the world. Now, one of them is gone. And who knows what's going to happen to Maria?

I've been thinking about Max lately. I need to find out how I feel about him. Because I realize that at any time, he could die, or something else happen to him. Or to me. We need to get this situation resolved.

I really care abut him. I haven't let myself actually love him again. To love him would be to sink right back into a Liz that I didn't like. A Liz that skips classes, stays out all night, flips out on her parents, yells at her best friend. I don't like who I am when I'm in love with Max.

This little voice in my head keeps telling me it could be different this time. I did all those things to make sure Max still wanted me. But I know he does now. It's clear every time he looks at me.

How do I look at him?

June 18

School's out. Maria's still not awake. Doctors are getting worried. I'm thinking of asking someone to heal her, dreamwalk, or something.

June 19

We buried Alexander today. My parents were there. Alex, Isabel, and Max. Me, of course. The Evans' and Whitmans, too. Amy didn't come. It goes without saying Michael was there. He went right back to the hospital to be with Maria afterwards. He still hasn't seen Emily since we brought her in. She looks like Maria, kinda. That's probably why.

June 20

It's been four days. Maria's future looks really bleak. I think Michael loses more hope every day.

My entries have been sparse. I haven't really wanted to write. Every time I pick up the pen to write about Max, I think of Maria and I'm guilty. How can I think of Max when my best friend in the whole word is probably dying?

I don't want to think about Michael if he loses her. He'll probably go insane.

June 21

I came to a realization today about Max. I have this feeling if I let myself go...let myself fall back in love with him, I'm heading straight into a broken heart. I don't know why. It's not like he's going to leave you know? He'd never leave without Isabel or Michael. Michael's not going to leave. Unless Maria ... well, he'd never leave. He's still got Emily.

But I also have this feeling like I don't have a choice. You don't choose your soulmate. No, that's the wrong word. Max isn't a soulmate. He's part of me, but I can't explain it. It's really hard to put into words, you know? I really hate it when that happens.

Max is...I don't know what Max is. When I see him, that old flutter is there. The one before he healed me. Before, I remember thinking he's really sweet and cute. If I weren't dating Kyle ... you know, the type of stuff every girl thinks when she's got a boyfriend.

When I'm around him, I'm really normal. When I first fell in love with him, I was really weird around him. Not myself at all. Now I'm stronger. I can handle the heartbreak, and whatever else comes my way.

What I can't handle is the fact that the doctors told us today that Maria's dying.

June 22

To Hell with being careful! I'm sick and tired of it. Maria flatlined today. Luckily, doctors were able to bring her back, but her prognosis is even more bleak.

---

*earlier that day*

"Max," I say. We're at the hospital nursery together. Emily is sleeping. Michael's supposed to take her home, but he can barely bring himself to leave Maria's room for more than three minute as at a time.

"Yeah, Liz?" he replies. He doesn't look at me.

"I'm tired of waiting." He looks at me confused. "If you still-" I stop myself. That's the old Liz talking. The unsure little girl. "I want to be with you."

There. I've said it. If he rejects me, then it's his loss.

"Are you sure?" he asks, not looking me directly in the eye.

"Definitely. Just want to let you know, push me away once, and I am gone for good," I reply. He nods. I think he's speechless.

"I love you, Liz," he says. I'm not ready for those words.

"Max-" I begin, but he puts a finger to my lips.

"Shhh...I know. You don't have to love me again right away. I can wait, " Max says softly. And suddenly, I know I've made the right decision. Because even though it might not work out, at least I'll have given it shot. I won't have the what-ifs running through my head.

"Max, I need you do something for me," I begin. He knows what it is. I can see it.

"We were waiting. To make sure she didn't come out on her own. But, we know that's not going to. So, yeah, we'll do what we can," he answers. I breathe a sigh of relief.