I can feel how much Michael hurts. I don't only feel it, I understand it. Because I feel it too. I miss Alex. He misses Maria. We can't be together. Because our hearts are filled with others. I know that even if we tried to be together, we would never get past what we feel now. We would always feel guilty and repulsed with every touch, every kiss. The love would be there, but the passion would be forced.

But they aren't ours to have anymore. Alex and Maria won't stop pushing us away. Because the dreams that Michael and I had about each other hurt them more than it did us, and learning about our destiny tore them away. And now Michael hates Tess because of it. Well, as much as he can; she is his REAL sister. . . and he loves her despite his broken heart.

~*You say...

One love
One life
When it's one need
In the night*~

Isabel understands. I didn't know that she would be able to at first. I love her for it. But not I am not in love with her. I never could be. And she understands. She stands with me as I watch my Maria sing. Granted that she wanted to see Alex as much as I wanted to see Maria. I know that I should feel mortified that she prefers a scrawny geek boy like Alex over me, but he makes her happy. Even if he doesn't want to see it right now. I might have to beat some sense into him. . .

We both need them. I need Maria more than words can say. And I need Alex too. I need him to take care of Isabel for me. Isabel, my sister by heart if not by blood. Somehow, he manages to make her even more radiant, even more breathtaking than she already is. And I need Maria to be there for me; I need her strength to make me live again.

Because every day I spend without Maria is like death.

~*One love
We get to share it
Leaves you baby if you
Don't care for it*~

I can't believe that I have waited my whole life for Max, and he won't stop pushing me away. I mean, what's with the guy? He KNOWS that we were meant to be with each other. He knows what we had before; what we could have now. But it doesn't matter now. I don't matter now.

I have loved Max my whole life. Since the beginning, I knew. I knew that there was a place for me in this world; a place for me in his heart. But now he won't let me in. He won't accept me for who I am. He won't accept us. But we have something that he doesn't have with Liz. We have a destiny. And not even Max Evans can run from that.

~*Did I disappoint you
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without*~

Tess is mad at me. She doesn't understand me. But it's okay. It's much easier to hate her when she goes cold. And I have to hate her. For Liz. I can't let Tess in. I don't want her. I want Liz. And I know that I can't have the both of them in my life. Not right now, anyway.

But I still feel bad. I let Tess down. I care about her. I don't want to hurt her, but she gives me no choice. She truly believes that we are meant to be together. But we aren't. We can't be. Because I couldn't survive without Liz. Maybe if I had known from the beginning, like Tess, I wouldn't feel this way. But I do. And Tess expects me to give up the one thing in my life that truly matters to me for something that I could never want.

~*Well it's...

Too late
Tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We're one, but we're not the same*~

It doesn't matter what happened in the past. It's been to long forgotten. The past is the past, and I am renewed. Changed. And my feelings have changed. Michael isn't my lover anymore. He's my brother. My friend. My confidant. But never my lover. And I don't have the strength to pretend otherwise. I don't have the strength that Tess does.

I could never say that I don't love Michael. Because I do. More than I could ever explain within the confines of the English language. But it doesn't matter. Because Michael knows the difference. And one day, Alex will too.

I can feel Michael in my heart. He is always with me, like Max is. We have been through too much together to ever be pulled apart. I need my brothers in my life. But that doesn't change a thing. I love Michael, but I am not his soul mate. Not anymore. Because now I have a new destiny. Alex.

~*We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other
One...*~

I would die for my family. I know that we will always be there for each other. It can't be any other way. I finally have a family. I am finally part of a whole. But Max, Tess, and Isabel have nothing to do with that.

It's all Maria. It was always Maria. She has always been the one. Sure, I do love the others, but Maria was the one that knew how to bring the good out of me. She helped me in ways that I can't even fathom. Every day I find something new and good in myself, and I just know that it's there because of Maria. She is my guiding light. She is my home. I need her.

Even when I run away from her, I still come her. Even when she pushes me away, she pulls me closer. I wonder if she has ever felt this way about me. I wonder if she lays awake at night trying to remember the exact curve of my smile. The exact way my hair feels in her hands. The exact taste of my kisses. Because that's what keeps me awake at night. Trying to keep our memories alive until she comes back to me.

~*Have you come here for forgiveness
Have you come to raise the dead
Have you come here to play Jesus
To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too much*~

I know that he wants to talk about her again. He wants me to let him leave. He wants me to follow him like Michael and Isabel. I don't know if I can do that. I don't know if I can pretend that my life here is the one that matters. That there isn't a family waiting for me back at our planet, waiting for me to save them. Waiting for Max and I to come back for them. I can't pretend that what we have doesn't matter. Can I?

He loves her too much. I can see that, even though I have tried to deny it. My soul mate loves that Liz Parker more than me. How is that possible? He was supposed to forget her. He was supposed to forget every one else once I came into his life. But he didn't. Michael and Isabel were supposed to dump their silly humans and fall madly in love with each other. But they didn't. How come I am the only one who feels this way?

Nasedo. He did this to me. He raised me to fall in love with Max Evans. But he did nothing for them. He did nothing for Michael or Isabel. Or Max. And now I am left to feel this way all alone. Was it too much to ask of Max to love me?

~*More than a lot
You gave me nothing
Now it's all I got*~

I don't want to feel empty anymore. I want to feel the love that I felt, once upon a time. How could I have ever let Liz walk away from me? She was my world, and I let her go. And now all I have left to replace our love is emptiness. Emptiness and Tess.

How can I forgive her for what she's taken from me? How can I hate her after what she's given to me? Tess. Bittersweet Tess. She gave me the answers that I have longed for all my life. But she has taken Liz from me. I love her as much as I hate her. I feel bittersweet love for bittersweet Tess. No smooth paths for us. No gentle whispers, no soft stares. Just a bittersweet future. Because a future without Liz can never be anything better than that.

~*We're one
But we're not the same*~

I wonder how it can be that Alex and I are meant to be. Not that I am questioning that fact. I know that it is true. But it's amazing when a person finds their soul mate at all in this world. And then throw in the fact that I am from another planet, just happening to land on this one, just happening to be the same age, and above all, just happening to be bound together by a secret that could never be trusted to the wrong person.

If that isn't destiny, than I don't know what is. I will get Alex back. No matter what. I won't let him walk away from me for the greater good. So that we can fulfill our 'true' destinies. There is no true destiny involved in breaking three hearts so that they could live a life with ones that they have no deep-rooted intimate feelings for. Unless destiny is as cold and cruel as it seems right now.

~*Well we
Hurt each other
Then we do it again*~

Tumultuous. That's what Maria and my relationship is. Well, to be put into the simplest terms, anyways. But we love each other. Together, we are earth, air, fire, and water. There is passion between us that can't be extinguished. I love her. I tried not to. I tried to stay away. But no matter how hard I tried, fate always brought me back to her. Destiny never let me stray too far away from her. Because even when we were apart, we were together.

I am not stupid enough to believe that when we get together, we will never break apart again. I don't expect roses and midnight strolls, and happily ever afters. That isn't how we work. We fight, and fight, and fight, until somehow, we find each other again through the anger. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Because she keeps me alive.

She is poetry, and art, and stars, and water. She is vision, and lingo, and raindrops, and fire. Maria is everything. I burn out, and she brings me out of the ashes. She drowns, and I breathe the life back into her. That is the way we work.

~*You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law *~

I have heard all the speeches. Max can't love anyone else but Liz. I wish I could ignore them like I could before, but I can't. It's all over for me. Destiny. What destiny? My destiny was destroyed by love. Because love has kept me from the one constant in my life. Love has kept me from Max..

I thought I would always have him. And Michael and Isabel. But I don't. At least not in the way that I thought I would. What we have is the opposite of what I have come to expect. I expected love. But I have scorn. I expected acceptance. But I have rejection. But we are together. We will never be broken apart. In time, they will love me again. In time, Max might love me again too. But not in the way I always believed to be true. Instead of a soul mate, I have a stranger.

~*You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt*~

She begs me to come back to her. But I was never hers to begin with. I was already Liz's. And I still am. Tess might never forgive me for that. She tries to put it all on me. She thinks that once she has me in her arms that our destiny will fall into place. But nothing is ever that simple. There is a dark side to every story. I know that my future holds nothing but Liz's light.

I can't take Tess into my life letting her believe that we could one day be together. It's impossible. I can't let her come into my life with the burden that she carries with her like a symbol of who she is. I can't let her into my life while she still holds on to our 'destiny'.

~*One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should*~

I saw Alex today. I spoke to him. It was like I was reborn. We aren't together yet, but we will be soon enough. He just needs time. Time to figure this all out for himself. But when he does, he will discover that we were connected together from the start. I love him. He loves me. And nothing can take that away from us. So I will wait here, counting the moments when I can be alive again. But I can feel that it will be soon. Because the air is so much easier to breathe now.

~*One life
With each other
Sisters
Brothers*~

We are all joined together. I know that now. Destiny has brought us all together. Max, Isabel, Tess, Me. And then there's Alex, Liz, and my beautiful, amazing Maria. We are all joined together in this life. Destiny. I can taste it in the air tonight. I try to capture it in my heart. I can feel things work themselves out. My Maria isn't so far out of my reach tonight. I think of my sisters and my brother. I hope that things will work out for them too. I think, no, I KNOW that they will. Because we are all joined. And if one of us experiences completion, the others will soon follow.

~*One life
But we're not the same*~

I let Max go tonight. I really had no choice. He wasn't mine in the first place. But I made it official. He has his destiny. Just like Michael and Isabel. But we are still joined. My life hasn't fallen apart. I can feel them with me, even now, as I sit in my empty house, staring at pictures of Max. Strangely enough, my heart is not broken. It didn't shatter into a thousand pieces. My lungs didn't burst from the lack of him; my mind didn't collapse upon itself. I am fine. Because I never lost him. He is still in my heart, where they all have always been. And now, I see where destiny has lead us.

~*We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other*~