Vilandra. That's who I really was. A traitor to my people. Why would they ever want me back with them? History repeats itself. That's what everyone always said. But I could change history. If I really tried, I could change it...for the better.

When I was sixteen my brother, Max, saved Liz Parker's life. Then I could have killed him just because it had always been that we never told anyone, and no one ever knew. Now I realize, if he hadn't done that, we'd probably be teenagers in Roswell, still sitting around wondering who we were.

That year I met Alex Whitman. He was sweet, and I liked him alot. After a few months I felt I was in love with him. I never told him that, but I didn't feel it was really that necessary. I now know that I should have told him, because I hurt him. Badly.

Our relationship never went past that. It sort of...faded away. Nothing "official" about a breakup. After that I think I forgot about him. But when the government took Michael to that place...my mind was nowhere else. I realized my destiny was with him. I prayed that it was, anyhow. I didn't want to be that traitor again.

Him being in that place scared me. He was...I didn't know who he was to me. Was he my brother? My lover? It was all I could think of. No matter what I did, I couldn't get those questions out of my mind. It was horrible, like I was stuck in some sort of parallel universe. It took us three months to free him without any of us getting caught. And we had a lot of close calls.

But after three months of pure torture Tess and I freed Michael from the white room. I kissed him that day for the first time in my life. From that point on...I knew. He knew. It wasn't just our faces in a book. It was real. It was right in front of our faces.

I must admit, at first it was weird. At first it was very weird. But I worked at it. And to my surprise Michael tried to make it work. And by the time Michael and I had gotten comfortable as being more than friends; Sheriff Valenti and Amy DeLuca were married, the Skins had begun taking the lives of humans. Killing them, and then taking their lives. Stealing their lives from them, and making them their own.

This started the war. The war of the worlds, as Max put it more than once. After not long, probably three months, we were tired. The four of us felt that we couldn't go any further.

Because of this, I died. I died. It seems so strange to say that. I obviously don't remember it, but I was told that Michael saved me; brought me back to life. I got flashes of Michael's life. It was so sad. I knew his life was hard, but I never understood that it was so horrible.

Finally the others came. The other four. David, Paul, Serena, and Kendra. I loved them all. Not just for being with us, fighting the war, but for who they were. Kendra was the sweetest person I'd ever met. It was like she couldn't comprehend war. She seemed so innocent. She was in love with David and that's all there was to it. It wasn't even that final with Michael and I...even when I loved him.

We went to war with more power behind us. Sheriff Valenti insisted he come with us. Having him seemed to be almost like a inspiration. He wasn't like almost every other human on Earth who feared and hid. He faced the music. We all spent every day fearing for his life. He had less power than us. But he did a lot of damage to the Skins, so we could never speak against him, even if we thought that he wouldn't make it through the next day. We couldn't persuade him to go back to Roswell, back to his family. He was loyal. And we respected him for that. I don't think any of us disrespected him. I believe we always will respect him.

After a few months I felt sick; I was tired. I then realized that I was pregnant. We were in war and I was going to have a child. It was very scary. I was nineteen. I wasn't even married. I told Michael first. The look on his face. It was this cross between joy and pure fear. I knew exactly how he felt.

Pregnant aside, I still went to battle. I fought and I fought well. I never wanted to fight in this condition again, though. There was no way in hell they would get me out there again, putting my child's life at risk. I knew I wouldn't have to fight that. I fought them to even let me go out. They wanted me in Roswell until the baby was born. But still, I went to battle, and we even won battles in that time.

We went back to Roswell so I could have my baby.Michael held my hand the entire time. I had a boy. Serena and Tess delivered him. I can remember to clearly the first time I held him in my arms. Michael had his arms around me. I don't think I can remember a time when he was so happy. We named him Thomas after my grandfather.

Sadly, we had to go back to war. I left Thommy in the capable hands of Alex and Liz. I wasn't too sure about Maria. I had gotten the feeling that Maria was avoiding me. She never looked my in the eye, and when she did look at me it was always a glare. I could tell she was bitter.

Our battles then were short and sweet. We won every battle between Thommy's birth and the weddings.

Yes, Michael and I were married. As were Max and Tess. We had our wedding on the same day. It was really a nice ceremony. Valenti was Max and Michael's best man. Alex, David, and Paul were groomsmen and Liz, Serena, and Kendra were the bridesmaids.

Kyle sat with his step-mother and half-sister. He had a strange look on his face throughout the entire night. Maria didn't attend the wedding. Tess and I both wanted her in the wedding, but she didn't come. I knew that was my fault. I was marrying Michael.

Despite a few parents, no one else came to the wedding. We spent the night carefree and actually acting our ages. For the first time in a year we were actually acting like twenty-year-olds. It was refreshing. But the next day, we made our way back to the battle fields.

One night we had been fighting for hours. It was probably two AM. It seemed that we had lost this battle. Eight aliens and one human against hundreds of Skins...the more we fought the more it seemed like a distant dream. But Valenti. He sacrificed himself for us. A Skin...I don't know which one. If I did there would be one less Skin to worry about. A Skin struck him. He spent two years fighting with us, for us, and he was struck by the Skin. Tess and I were the ones to pull his body from the battle field. We were the ones to watch as his body...as his body turned into ash. I couldn't get past the feeling. The realization that he was actually...dead. It seemed so unreal.

Tess took some of the ash and put in a small pouch. We kept it and the next time we were in Roswell we buried it.

After Valenti died Tess told us that she was pregnant. She tried to be in battle as I did. I was much against it, but she insisted. She was struck by a Skin, not enough to kill her, but enough to hurt her and her child. Max ordered her to Roswell for her sake and the sake of their child. She obliged.

Tess had her baby, a girl, which she named Elizabeth. Lizzy, as she came to be called stayed with Alex in Roswell. And the eight of us went back to war. Tess and I would often talk about how we felt. The two of us became very close in this time. I told her how I felt. I told her how I felt about this war. How I felt about the eight of us.

I felt as if I owed them everything. I betrayed them in our lives as aliens. I'd been told by so many that history repeated itself. I felt like this war was my fault. If I hadn't been a traitor to my people...how could I have gone to the Skins? I had let myself believe that I was no longer Isabel, I was Vilandra. The one who left my people for some love. I loved Michael. My destiny was with him. Or so I thought. I spent every night awake, listening to Michael sleep, wondering if this is who I was before. If this is who I really was. Who was this love that I left for? Did it matter now? The questions prevailed in my mind to the point where I couldn't sleep.

After months of battle we came home to Roswell. We spent almost a whole week in the apartment above the old Crashdown. I tried to put my thoughts away while we were there. I put on a happy face. But how could I be sad or guilty when I actually got to spend time with my son and some real quality time with my husband.

While we were there Maria stayed at her mother's with her half-sister. By that time Kyle had left Roswell...for wherever he went to.

After that week we went to battle in Florida. I went back two weeks later, pregnant again.

I spent most of my time in the old apartment with Thommy, Lizzy, and Alex. I hadn't seen Alex in ages. I mean, really see him, spend time with him, talk to him. We spoke on almost every subject there was, except the war. I told him all my doubts, even when I knew I was supposed to be with Michael. And even when I loved him, and I hurt him, he returned to me with a sensible, kind ear. He asked me if I was happy. And I told him the truth. And I think it pleased him. I don't think it was what he wanted to hear, but I think it made him happy. At least to know that I was happy.

And he was the first to cry when my baby died. Even before me. He was the first to hug me. The first to tell me that everything would someday be fine. I disagreed with him, but I didn't tell him that. He was there to comfort me, and the last thing I wanted to do was be comforted. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry and never stop. I wanted to die. But I did none of those things. I let him comfort me. And then I cried. I cried for my baby, I cried for Thommy, he didn't know his sibling and he never would, I cried for Michael, who wouldn't have a second child, and I cried for Alex, who was being so sweet and staying with me that night. But I didn't cry for me. I didn't feel that I deserved to be cried for.

But Alex cried for me. And that meant something. It always did. And it always has. And it always will.

I went to war about two weeks later. I pushed that night from my memory and I dwelled on the war. Max told me how well I was doing. I was only doing that well because I didn't think of anything else. I wanted to kill the Skins. They killed Valenti and they killed my hope for anything. They killed my hope for ever atoning for what I did. And I don't even remember what I did.

I don't know what did it, but we won. We defeated the Skins. I did it for Valenti, my unborn child, and Vilandra. Vilandra who deserved a second chance. I gave Vilandra that second chance. And I took it. I will no longer be her. I will now be Isabel Evans-Gurrien. And I will be proud of that.

Max, Tess, and Lizzy moved to Texas. They came to Roswell often, but not often enough. They had another baby, Alexander Parker. And if you look him in the eye, you can see that gleam that Alex always has in his eyes.

Maria...I still feel guilty for Maria. Her mother admitted her into a mental hospital that year. I still believe it was my fault, even when Michael tells me otherwise. He says that it was inevitable. He tells me that she was never really stable, even when I know that's not true. I hope that she's fine. That'll she'll come out better than she went in.

Alex stayed in Roswell. I never forget him. I did once, but I don't anymore. I hope that he is well in whatever he does. I hope that he is making someone as happy as he made me. He deserves that so much.

Kyle came back after the war. I believe that he and Liz were married. And I hope that they were happy. I know the look is Liz's eyes though. She will always love Max, so in some way, I am her sister.

Michael and I adopted a child, named Caleb, after we found out I was barren. He wasn't an alien, he had no powers, but we loved him just the same. That never really mattered in out eyes until one night...

One night about a year after the war, Max called Michael and I. He told us that we were going home. Home. Back to where we came from. All my fears flooded back to me. What if they wouldn't take me? I was the traitor. Winning a war didn't mean anything. No matter how far I ran, I was still Vilandra in their eyes. I didn't pay my dues. Not enough.

But still we went to where Liz lived and gave her Caleb. It was like my baby dying all over again. I barely let go of him that night. I would never see him again...tears filled my eyes and spilled over early in the night. They didn't stop. No matter what I couldn't get it out of my mind that I would either never see Caleb again, or I would never see Michael, Thommy, Max, Tess, Kendra, David, or anyone ever again. If they didn't take me with them. If they were bitter about it.

Vilandra took a hold of me. I spent that night afraid. I clung to Caleb and Michael, in fear. In fear that I wouldn't see one or the other again.

But the next day, that night even, they came, and I went with them. I still cannot get over the loss of Caleb or my unborn child. I don't think I ever will, and I definitely don't think that I will ever forgive myself. Even if that part of me is Vilandra, and I don't know what she did. But whatever she did, it was part of me. She was part of me, but no longer did she take over me.

I dream of my life on Earth. I dream of being with Alex. I even dream of being with some strange man. I wonder if that's the man I left my people for in my 'first life'. But I'm still with Michael, and I don't feel that will ever change.

And I think that part of me will always be a part of my life on Earth. And Vilandra is part of me, but the part that I won't speak with much at all.