I can feel it coming in the air tonight
Oh lord
And I've been waiting for this moment for all my life
Oh lord

*********************************************

When I pictured my life after death, I certainly never saw it like this. To me, death was the means to an end, a way to finally end all the pain and suffering. A way to silence the voices in my head. And in a way, it worked. The voices in my head plague me no longer, and I certainly don't feel any pain of suffering. The thing is, in some ways, I wonder if I am even dead.

Have I lost you yet? Sorry if I have, but it's kind of hard to explain exactly what I mean. Basically, when I died that day, when I slit my wrists and lay there waiting for all the evil and the badness to drain away, instead of just fading to black as I thought I would, I found myself here.

And where is here, you ask? Well, for want of a better word, here is heaven. But it's not like the heaven you see in movies or on TV, for this heaven is only for those of our kind, from our home planet. And, technically, no one here is really dead. See, my body died that day, but my spirit, my 'essence' as they call it here, lived on. And it brought me here, where they all go after their bodies die.

Confusing, I know, but work with me here.

I've learned a lot about us since I arrived. How typical, huh, that one of us had to die before we could learn all the secrets of our people. And of course, it had to be me, the one who knew the most to begin with. Here, my powers are not special or unique, everyone has them because we are all the same. And I've discovered I can do many more things now, I can do almost anything. It's pretty wild sometimes.

But what I like to do most is visit all of you. It's not dream-walking, really because you're awake and you don't know I'm there. I suppose you would call it haunting, but since as far as I, and our people, are concerned, I'm not dead, it's not really that. But you know me as dead, so for your sake, we'll go with haunting. See how generous I can be, sometimes?

So anyway, I spend most of my time these days 'haunting' you all, sitting quietly on the little patch of sand I've claimed as my own, face upturned to face the strange sky above. Did you know the clouds here are bright green? And at night, the stars in the night sky are red, as if each of them was a giant in its final stages of life.

See Liz, Miss Science Geek, you're not the only one who knows something about astronomy.

None of the others bother me any more, they just leave me to do whatever I wish. I know I'm being anti-social, but I don't care, I want to do what I want to do. And since I am the dear and darling wife of their beloved leader, they let me. Of course, they don't know Max rejected me, or that I failed in getting us, the chosen ones, to follow our destinies. And I'm not about to tell them, I like being adored thank you very much.

They let me spend all my time 'haunting' you because they hope that I, you' re destined love, your beloved wife, can convince you to do what's apparently right and join us here.

Fuck, some people are dumb. But then again, they aren't really people, are they.

*********************************************

Can you feel it coming in the air tonight?
Oh lord, oh lord

*********************************************

I know you're going "Hurry up, Tess, we don't care about this, tell us why you did it. Why you decided to kill yourself?" Well, I'm sorry, but I'm in charge here and you're just gonna have to wait. Firstly, I want to talk about all of you, and how I see you now. I must say, some of you have surprised me, others of you haven't at all (I'm looking in your direction here, Ms. Parker). But it is interesting to watch all of the people who were in your life react to your leaving it. It can be pretty amusing too!

*********************************************

Well if you told me you were drowning
I would not lend a hand
I've seen your face before my friend
But I don't know if you know who I am

*********************************************

Like Maria, your reaction is amusing; using your treatment of me and my death as a way of punishing yourself for some other crime, it's very cute deary. But you're wrong, you don't know me. You don't know the first fucking thing about what it's like to be me. So please stop pretending you do, or I may have to do a little not-so-nice dream-walking. And don't think I don't mean that; just because I'm dead doesn't mean I can't hurt you.

*********************************************

Well I was there and I saw what you did
Saw it with my own two eyes

*********************************************

Now Liz, your reaction to my death is kind of amusing, but not so much because it's just so predictable. On the outside you have to be perfect little Liz Parker, Honor student and teenage girl extraordinaire; but on the inside you're just as much of a bitch as I am. You comfort Max and your friends, pretending to grieve my death, when in actual fact you're celebrating it underneath. That's not very honorable now is it Liz, I wonder what Max would think if he could see what was really going on inside that cruel and callous little head of yours.

*********************************************

So you can wipe off that grin, I know where you been
It's all been a pack of lies

*********************************************

Oh, and for your date, I'd avoid wearing anything with a really big turtleneck, it makes you look ridiculous. Just so you know.

Now Max, your reaction didn't surprise me a whole lot either, though your feelings of guilt are much stronger that I ever thought they might be. And by the way, you should feel guilty over this. It's really your fault I was like I was, after all the others take their cue from you, their fearless leader. If you hadn't tossed me aside they might not have either. Shame on you Max, you were supposed to protect us, and keep us safe. Looks like you fucked up big time, because I ended up dead. I hope you enjoy your guilt, because if I can help it I'm going to make sure you feel it for a long time yet. And don't flatter yourself by thinking your next; I wouldn't allow you the relief that coming here would bring. And don't think I don't have a hand in your fate now, because I certainly do. Like I said, I'm like a Queen here. Maybe because as far as they care, I am their queen.

And now Michael, my darling brother. That's right, brother, you guessed correctly. Looks like you do have a brain under all that hair. Oh well, I lost that bet. Nasedo, I owe you a Coke. I'd love to see you try and collect though.

But I digress, we were talking about you, Michael. I find it strange that you call me a coward, have you looked in the mirror lately? Or are you afraid of what you'll see there. It would explain the hair. You, Michael, are probably the biggest coward I know. Are you ever going to step out of Max's shadow? I know you think you have, because you've defied him once or twice, but really you haven't. You still do whatever he tells you to do, or what you think he expects of you. Sometimes I can't believe I'm even related to such a spineless person. It's almost embarrassing.

You come to my grave, and you call me names, and you make me feel even more unwanted than I already did. So much for blood being thicker than water. You do it because it makes you feel powerful, helps you to hide the fear inside. You're afraid that you could be the same as me; that we could be the same type of person. Well, I hate to break it to you brother, but we are. Your blood is my blood, no matter how many good deeds you do. So don't call me a fucking coward Michael, without first taking a look at yourself. And I hope when you do you see me inside you, and not Max. Because you're not Max, Michael, and you never will be. No matter how hard Maria tries.

*********************************************

I can feel it coming in the air tonight
Oh lord
And I've been waiting for this moment for all my life
Oh lord

*********************************************

Up here, we have a lot of animals. There is this one little monkey who lives in a tree near my patch of sand, and he's quite cute and sweet, even by my standards. But he's still a money, annoying and boring. I call him Alex, because he's just like you Mr. Whitman. Except he has a better haircut.

I see you watching Isabel, watching her grieve for me, and you wonder why she does. After all, how could she care for me, she's told you she doesn't. Well, I'm here to tell you that she lied to you. She doesn't like you that much, can you please get a clue, please? My god, I don't know how you've managed to live so long, if I was Isabel I would have hurt you a long time ago. But then again, I'm not Isabel.

*********************************************

Well I remember, I remember don't worry
How could I ever forget
It's the first time, the last time
We ever met

*********************************************

But even you aren't really Isabel anymore Izzy, at least not the Isabel I knew. The Isabel I knew was smart, and sassy and didn't let anybody tell her what to do. Especially not her brother. What happened to that Isabel, the one I knew and loved? I sometimes see shades of her in you when you sit on my grave and weave daisy chains for me. Those little chats, even though they are one-sided, always make me smile. And nothing makes me smile these days.

You always did have a way with me, didn't you Isabel. You were the first person in my life I ever felt truly comfortable with, who I ever really trusted. And I know you felt the same about me, even if you did try to hide it. But, like Michael, you can't stand the thought that maybe we were even a little bit alike, because that would make you as loathable as I was. And you don't like to be loathed, I don't think anyone does. I know I don't. So you did what they wanted, you turned away from me. You betrayed our friendship with your lies, covered up what was possibly the only real friendship you'll ever have outside of Michael and Max. You feel guilty about that now, and you think that it was what caused me to do what I did.

It wasn't you Isabel, so please don't blame yourself. There's no one to blame here but me.

*********************************************

But I know the reason why you keep this silence up
No you don't fool me
The hurt doesn't show but the pain still grows
It's no stranger to you or me.

*********************************************

All of you have different theories on why I did what I did. Why I felt the need to take that razor and slice it down my wrists, draining my body of it' s lifeline within minutes. Well, the reason is actually simple. It wasn't because I was selfish and it wasn't because I was ashamed.

It was because I had become the one thing I never wanted to be.

Kyle. Wonderful, sweet, adorable Kyle. You loved me when no one else would. And you loved me with all of your heart. I know you still do, I see you. I see the ghost that you have become. The others yell at me for leaving you, for hurting you like I have. But I did what I did to help you. Because it was inevitable that I would have to break your heart.

Why, you ask, did I know this? Was I really so evil that I would date a guy just to hurt him? The answer to that is no, and yes. No, because I didn't turn to Kyle just to hurt him, I turned to him because I wanted help and comfort and he gave me that. But yes because I knew, inside, that I could never love you the same way you loved me.

Rejection hurts probably more than anything else in this world. Especially, when that rejection comes from those you love more than life itself. I've experienced this rejection firsthand Kyle, several times over. And I didn't want you to have to try and process that kind of pain.

I'm sorry I left you like I did, I really am. But I didn't see any other way around it. I couldn't have stood to see you look at me with sadness and anger in your eyes, the same way I now look at Max. And I know you would have, because I know exactly the way my breaking up with you would have affected you. The same way Max's rejection affected me.

You loved me at a time when no one else would, and you gave me at least a little of the comfort I had always needed. But I couldn't give you the same in return, and that is the cross I will always have to bear.

*********************************************

I can feel it coming in the air tonight
Oh lord
And I've been waiting for this moment for all my life
Oh lord

*********************************************

So, I beg of you, please don't mourn me like you have, because I don't deserve such selfless love. Somewhere, there is someone who is worthy of your love because they can return it the way I can't. Remember me not as I looked when last you saw me, but as I look now. My face is free from pain, my sleep is free from demons; my hair glistens in the ever-present sunshine, and Isabel's flowers always rest atop my head.