Maria: Thanks for coming.

Riverdog: You must tell her (speaking to Eddie)

Eddie: What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad.

Maria: That's exactly how I feel, how did you know?

Eddie: I'm trying to free your mind, Maria. But I can only show you the door. You're the one that has to walk through it.

Maria: Ok. Would you like to walk through my door first?

Maria opens the door. Riverdog and Eddie walk in. They sit down on the couch.

Eddie: Have you ever had a sex dream, Maria, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream, Maria? How would you know the difference between the sex world and the real world?

Liz walks in.

Liz: I feel that way all the time.

Eddie: You have entered the sex matrix.

Maria: (turns to Liz) Ok, that guy creeps me out.

Riverdog: The only way to improve your sex life with Michael is to distinguish the real world from the sex world. Are you ready to take that step?

Maria: What are you guys talking about?

Max says from the other room.

Max: Are you guys using my DVD player again? You know that's like my number one prized possession. OmG! is that Keanu Reeves?

Max walks in.

Max: Oh, its only frickin Eddie.

Liz: So, what about this sex matrix? How do we know where we are? when there's reality?

Alex walks in.

Alex: Eddie! You missed the identity crisis meeting last week at the mental hospital.

Liz: Not now, Alex, he is talking to us about the sex matrix.

Alex: Oh don't listen to him. He has this identity crisis that he's Keanu Reeves.

Liz: Eddie, how could you do that to me? You made me believe in that crap...

Maria: I still need help with my sex life.

Riverdog: This is all we can tell you...There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path. Throughout human history, we have been dependent on sex to survive. Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony. We must leave. We will give you test. It is your job to pass it.

They leave and Max, Liz, Maria, and Alex look puzzled.

Cut to Confessional...Alex..

Alex: Ok...and they say I am the one that has problems? Who would want to be Keanu Reeves anyway? Wasn't he in the bill and Ted movie where they say excellent all the time. I mean, Tom Hanks is better than him. Heck, even Colin Hanks is better than him. and everyone knows I have issues with Colin.

Cut to scene Maria and Liz..

Maria: So what do I do? do I believe Riverdog and Eddie?

Liz: I say watch Sex in The City. That would give you way more accuracy than a 65 year old Native American....But I have to say, he did look hot in those feathers tonight.

Maria looks at her with this weird look...

Liz: What? a girl can dream...

Cut to confessional...Liz...

Liz: Ok, I know I feel a bit guilty. But Riverdog did look hot tonight. And I know the man can't be as impotent as Max is...I wonder if Max would find out...

Cut to confessional...Max...

Max: Ok, so I overheard Liz and Maria's conversation. And Riverdog? I mean, the guy barely talks. He has issues.

Cut to scene, Eddie and Riverdog have returned. Only this time to see Kyle.

Kyle: So, what's this I hear about the sex matrix? I want to go, because god knows I'm not getting any here.

Eddie: You are in the sex matrix.

Kyle: This is the sex matrix? Ugh! Could my life GET any worse?

cut scene to Maria...in bathroom, talking to herself...

Maria: So, Sarah Jessica Parker said the key to the best sex life is...

Michael walks in.

Maria: Michael, I want you to know that...

Michael: I have something to tell you...

Maria: What?

Michael: Tess is back, and not in Tabasco form either.

Cut to confessional...Maria...

Maria: I was just not having it. That girl has problems. I don't know what sort of sh*t she went through as a child with Nasedo, and personally I don't care. But she's treated me and Liz like crap and I’m not standing for it. And then I realized, it was the test...

Maria walks outside... Tess is standing there.

Maria: Tess, what the hell are you doing here? What do you want?

Tess: (wearing black suit, with dark sunglasses and even that ear piece). I have concluded I don't have feelings for Isabel. I have feelings for you. (Tess starts to charge Maria, and Maria flies up into the air, like from the matrix, and does those kicks and beats Tess's ass to the ground)

Maria wipes the dirt off of her jeans, spits on Tess and walks back into the house.

Riverdog: you have passed the test. I give you a choice, this blue pill is to the sex matrix. This red pill is to the real world. It is up to you.

Maria: Blue...I would miss Michael and even his hair too much.

Cut to scene, Maria's bedroom. She pops up from her bed.