Alex: I can't believe I fell asleep. I must...have...chat. Must have chat...

Michael is sleeping in his bed.

Michael: Alex, are you on that stupid chat thing again? It's like you're addicted or something.

Alex: I don't bother you when you're surfing on the Hair Club for men site. You have plenty of time before you go bald, believe me.

Michael: Hey, you can't prepare too early. I never want to lose this lock of hair.

Alex: (looks very upset) This damn Jirc. It never connects me right.

Michael: Are you planning on chatting all night, because I'll go in the other room and watch Seinfeld.

Alex: Don't you see I'm chatting here.

Michael: Ugh. (gets up and goes into the living room)

Alex finally gets in and rubs his hands together as he's ready to type. He looks at the computer and gets this evil look on his face.

Alex: Oh no, not this girl Maria again. a private message pops up on his screen. He reads what she writes.

Alex: (reading her message) Hey Bullwinkleminem, don't you realize that Colin haters are not allowed here. (as he types) yeah, well, this is also a chat room with people with taste. I suggest you leave before you spoil us. (reading her message)

He closes out the message box in order to not get mad. as he's typing he says...

Alex: No joeknee, I have not fantasized about Jason Behr naked, although my roommate Max has. No, Trinity, I have not fantasized about Keanu Reeves naked, I don't think any man in their right mind has. Mr B and Dr Aftershave, I have no idea what this Shiri thing you are referring to. Is it some new food or something, or is it some lingo that I’m not familiar with?

Max walks into the room.

Max: Oy, not this chat thing again.

Alex: SSShhh! (he looks at Max annoyed)

Max: What, its not like you have to hear the conversation.

Alex: I can’t write a logical rebuttal back to this Maria person unless I hear myself type.

Max: Yeah, whatever.

Alex: Anyway, they were talking about Jason Behr before.

Max: Uh…really? (tries to be nonchalant about it) What did they say?

Alex: Oh, they were just talking about naked sexual fantasies.

Max: Um…I have to go to the bathroom

Alex: Yeah, whatever.

Starts to type again, and hunches over, completely submerged in the fluorescent light of his black laptop.

Alex: (as he’s typing) Yes, NasedoAT, I have seen Katherine Heigl in Maxim. You know, its interesting, you have the same name as someone else I know…Yes I have seen the picture of her topless. I said yes. Why do you keep on asking me if I saw it or not? Go take a cold shower. Daney, no, I haven’t seen x files. Oh, so now you’re gonna hate me because I don’t watch it? Yes, Maria, I already know you hate me because I don’t like Colin Hanks. I mean, but come on, he’s the son of Tom Hanks for Christ sake. Ugh…these people are crazy. No teddybehr, I have not read your Real World Roswell thread yet. Can you please not talk about it anymore, you’re giving me a headache because every time I come in here, you tell each person that enters that you’ve entered another part. Really…I have never heard of the Real World and I’m sure its about stupid people with miniscule problems. No, Maria, I don’t care if you have Colin Hanks’s address and no, I don’t blame him for the restraining order either.(he gets upset and actually walks away from the computer)

Cut to confessional…Max…

Max: The way I get these feelings from Jason Behr…its not just attraction…it’s something else. He’s been doing something to me. Does this mean he was my betrothed on my last planet? I am so confused!

Cut scene to Kyle…walks into Max’s bedroom…

Kyle: So what’s this I hear about you having fantasies about Jason Behr?

Max: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Kyle: Come on Max, you finally turn gay and you choose a guy with ears over me.

Max: Well ears are a big asset these days. They actually listen to you. Listen to what I’m saying. Kyle I will never love you. Get over it.

Kyle: I am so sick of this house. Where’s Dad? It’s time for another one of our bonding sessions. Liz has been calling you.

Cut to confessional…Liz…

Liz: So, I took Max’s new found “energy source” and used it to the best of my ability. I mean, come on, if it works, why not use it?

Cut scene to Liz’s room…Max walks in. He realizes that she has plastered her walls with Jason Behr pictures. She has even put Levi’s adds strategically on her body.

Max: Oh, Liz! (he pounces her with kisses, but does not rip off the ads, but rather very delicately takes them off and places them on the night stand next to him. They have wild sex on top of a new brought Jason Behr comforter.)

Kyle and Valenti at the monitor.

Kyle: Oh yeaaaaah.

Valenti: Ditto that.

Kyle and Valenti start to unzip their pants.

Isabel walks in.

Isabel: (to herself) I must stop this. This has gotten so out of control.

She begins to chuck carrots at them.

Isabel: You disgusting freaks. And they talk about us Aliens like we are the uncivilized and barbaric ones. If I catch you guys doing the Pewee Herman again…I will do what I know you two will dread…

Kyle: Yeah and what’s that…

Isabel: I will burn your autographed version of Beaches and I am not threatening, I’m promising.

Valenti: Not Beaches! Don’t take our Bette away from us.