What consequences were those, you might ask? There were a few. In one night, everything changed. That night we all grew up a little more. That night, the last vestiges of childhood left. The little girl inside me died. A woman greeted the morning. Struggling, I picked up the pieces of my life and moved on. They say they don’t blame me, it wasn’t my fault, but I guess I blame myself enough for all of us. In the years since, whenever I think back to that time, I’m consumed in guilt. I keep telling myself – There are things that are better left unsaid.

September 17, 2004

Weekly Log Entry

Written by Maria DeLuca

***

Roswell, NM – October 23, 2000.

With shaking hands, Tess slid the key into the lock. She took in a gulp of air and turned the knob. Stepping into the house, Tess was this once relieved to find herself alone. Quickly, but silently, Tess made her way to her bedroom. Closing her bedroom door behind her, Tess walked over to an empty corner. Sliding down the wall, Tess allowed herself to surrender to her inner torment. Shaking from her tears, she placed her left hand against the back of her neck. Slowly, she rubbed her fingers against the base of her skull in counter clockwise circles. With a bit of melancholy, Tess remembered back to a soothingly soft hand that comforted her every night until the hand was no longer there. Tess felt an empty place in her chest and far too much empty space surrounding her.

So many years.

Too many years.

To be without a simple, soothing touch.

Subterranean Facility # F122674 – October 23, 2000

As one would expect, a facility of this size and importance was a roll model in efficiency and military protocol. The commanding officer had a large set of quarters, but not so large that a special, highly ranked guest couldn’t be assigned a slightly larger room. The emblems and insignias were buffed and polished daily. The enlisted men, dressed in perfectly pressed uniforms, walked at attention, everywhere they went. Down a perfectly clean hall, a low mumbling could be heard. From inside an often-used boardroom, intense voices, hushed only by the thick doors and walls surrounding them, carried on secret communications. A tall, polished, not old gentleman stood at the head of the table. Surrounding the gentleman were a half-dozen similarly attired personnel. Slamming his fist against the mahogany round table, the gentleman raised his voice, “I

want results! You have coddled this alien far too long. Make it lead you to the others and do it now.”

A younger man with light brown hair addressed the group, “General, with all due respect,

sir, it’s not that simple anymore. The alien has acquired some kind of immunity to our drugs, probably because we’ve pumped so many into it. We have to get it to reveal the other’s locations willingly.”

The General walked around the table, stopping in front of the younger officer and sneered, “Willingness does not necessarily imply consent… Colonel, in the old days,

before mind-altering drugs existed, we had a saying - There’s more than one way to skin a cat. Find a way, I don’t care how, just find it. That’s enough for today, gentlemen.”

The six seated men stood up at attention, right hands and arms in the saluting position. The General paused to assess the men’s formation before raising his right hand to his forehead and issuing the final order.

“Dismissed.”

Roswell, NM – October 24, 2000

Closing his locker, Alex Whitman jumped back in shock. Quickly regaining his composure, Alex looked into the soft, round, blue eyes of Isabel Evans. Her eyes were wide and dark circles marred her pale face. Isabel extended her left hand slowly and softly touched Alex’s cheek. Her fingers lingered for a moment and her eyes roamed his face, hair… Alex narrowed his eyes and reached up, taking Isabel’s hand in his. Pulling the delicate bones to his lips, Alex gently kissed the slender fingers. Tears filled blue eyes and were furiously blinked back. Isabel brushed her right hand across her face and stepped closer to Alex. Leaning even closer, Isabel whispered, “I need you to come out

to the meeting place with me, Alex. We need to leave, right now.”

Alex searched Isabel’s eyes and inquired, “What’s the matter? Isabel, you’re shaking.

You’re crying. Quite frankly, you’re scaring me.”

Isabel placed a finger on his lips and cooed, “Please Alex, I need to tell you something, but I can’t tell you here.”

Alex looked at Isabel’s face and found confirmation of the desperation he had heard in her voice. Alex nodded and Isabel smiled. Squeezing his hand, Isabel led Alex out of the school. They crossed the street and jumped in Isabel’s car. Intent as they were on their escape, Isabel and Alex never noticed the disgust filled, blue eyes following their every movement.

Fifteen minutes later, Isabel pulled up beside Max’s jeep and Maria’s red car. Alex glanced back at the cars as Isabel led him by the hand to the group’s meeting place. In a secluded place formed by steep, jagged rock faces, Alex found himself surrounded on all sides. Max, Maria, Michael and Liz stood in a semi-circle that quickly closed in around him. Behind him, Isabel taped on Alex’s shoulder.

Turning around, Alex’s heart began to break. In Isabel’s eyes, Alex could clearly see fear. Isabel placed her hands on Alex’s face and kissed him. She pulled away with her eyes still closed. Slowly, the words flowed from her. When she was finished speaking, disbelief and confusion flooded every cell of Alex’s body. Alex just stood there with Isabel’s hands on his face, staring at the tears running down her cheeks. Swallowing hard, Alex quietly asked a single question, “You say it glows?”

Isabel’s eyes flew open and she nodded nervously. Alex looked into Isabel’s wide, shimmering eyes and queried, “Can I see it?”

Nodding again, Isabel looked down and stared at the ground. Slowly, she raised up her blouse enough to reach the button on her jeans. Isabel unfastened her jeans and slid down the zipper. She pushed the pad up and, for the first time, the glow could be clearly seen by everyone in the group. Liz gasped. Maria looked away. Max harshly pulled in a deep breath. From a perch twelve feet above the group, an audible sigh of awe and wonder could be heard. Isabel’s eyes shot skyward just in time to see Tess staring down at them.

A couple minutes later, Tess emerged from behind a rock formation. She walked right up to Isabel and hugged her. Isabel stood stiff and Michael inched closer to Tess and Isabel. Tess looked down at the soft green light. Sighing, Tess looked up into Isabel’s face and said happily, “Oh Isabel, I’m so happy for you. You’re going to have a

baby – A beautiful, perfect baby who will always love you.”

Isabel looked at Tess in shock and asked, “Tess, can you really tell if the baby is perfect?

That the baby’s going to be healthy?”

Tess reached out a hand and nodded yes. Without touching Isabel, Tess’ hand ran over the glowing light. Intensely, Tess watched the light dance in response to her contact. She looked at Isabel and said, “You have a healthy baby, Isabel. I’d say about six months

along, only another 12 months or so to go.”

Together, the group gasped in surprise. Isabel’s eyes bulged out at the news: One more year to go. She stared at Tess for a second and then threw her head back. As the stress left her body, Isabel’s mouth opened and she started to laugh. Covering her mouth with her left hand, Isabel smiled and giggled. As the pressure and tension of the past six months departed from her soul, Isabel grabbed both sides of her head as it rolled from side to side.

Excitedly, Tess motioned for Michael to approach. Hesitantly, at first, Michael walked up to Tess. With lightening quick movements, Tess grabbed Michael’s hand and pressed it palm-down on Isabel’s abdomen. The glow became brighter. Tess let go and stepped back. A couple silent moments passed before Michael looked over at a shuffling sound coming from behind him. Looking over his shoulder, Michael’s eyes met Alex’s requesting gaze.

Acquiescing, Michael pulled away and stepped back. Isabel motioned for Alex’s hand. Taking his hand in hers, Isabel pulled Alex closer and proceeded to bring Alex’s hand up to the glowing light. A scream stopped them. Everyone in the group whipped their heads around to look at the source – Tess.

Quickly, Tess crossed the distance separating her from Isabel and Alex and grabbed Alex’s wrist. Tugging hard, Tess ripped Alex’s hand out of Isabel’s and away from the green light. Roughly, Tess pushed Alex away and screamed, “No! No, humans

have no right to be a part of this! This is alien. It is our way, not yours. (Turning to Isabel, Tess pointed at Michael) There is the Father of your child. He should be by your side, not that human.”

Isabel flushed suddenly. She buttoned and zippered up her jeans. Isabel walked toward Tess and then walked right past her to Alex. Isabel touched Alex’s chest and asked if he was hurt. Alex shook his head and glared back at Tess. Isabel placed an arm around Alex and cast an angry gaze at Tess. Tess looked around at the angry eyes confronting her from all sides. Tess took a step towards Michael. In response, Michael reached out and took hold of Maria’s hand. Tess placed a few more tentative steps toward Michael. Instantly, Michael pulled Maria behind him. Tess stepped back, a bewildered look on her face. Isabel’s voice rose above the tension-filled silence, “Tess, you better leave now.”

Tess looked at Isabel in confusion and inquired, “Can they help you, Isabel? Can they?

Can they tell you what to expect during this pregnancy? No, they can’t and that is because they are not like us. We don’t belong with them. We, four, should leave. We should take you somewhere safe so that you can have your baby without having to worry about the Feds. Instead, you’re holding onto your human lover with all the devotion that rightfully belongs to your own kind. (Turning from Isabel to Michael to Max) And you, the two of you, you’re just as bad as she is.”

Shaking with anger, Max responded, “We thought we’d only spent the last eight years

living on this planet. We thought that we were the only ones. We thought we were left in pods since the 40s. Suddenly, you show up and act like you have all the answers. Well, tell me! You say we had families. You say we’ve been here all our lives. You say we’re all that’s left of a once proud society. Well, where is this proud society? Why aren’t they here? When are they coming for us?

Tess lashed out in response, “They’re all dead! When our parents and the others arrived

to this planet, slowly, they died from disease or from the Feds. First, the Feds rounded them up and performed tests on them. Later, a disease spread through what was left of our people. Very few of our kind survived the illness. Those who survived were eventually hunted down by the Feds and killed. You weren’t left in pods since the 40s. You were left in pods for a short time starting in the 80s. To protect and shield you from the Feds. Your parents and my parents are dead. We’re all that’s left. We are the only ones capable of carrying on our race.”

Max stepped back, stunned by the news. Recovering, Max commented, “All dead.

They’re all dead? What happened to our home? Isn’t anybody left on our home world? Does the home world even know where we are?…Well?”

Tess’ eyes filled with tears and cried, “It’s all destroyed! I’m not entirely sure how. I

wasn’t there and the others rarely spoke of it. A star exploded or the planet’s conditions declined, something like that, it doesn’t really matter now because it’s all gone anyway. Our parents and the others barely got away in time. They brought us here so our race would not end. We can’t allow them to have died in vain. Now, can’t you see how important our existence is?”

Max shook his head and replied, “No, what I see is that I have no place to search for. I

have no home planet in the stars waiting for me. I, we are going to live out our lives on this planet. Do matter what happens. Earth is the only home we have to look forward to. (Max pulls Liz into his arms) So, I’m going to embrace it. I’m going to hold onto it until I’m cast away.”

Tess glared at Max and muttered something under her breath. Giving one last hateful look to the group, surrounding her, Tess turned and walked away. The group could hear her footfalls and, a couple of minutes later; they could hear the revving up of her jeep’s engine. Only when they could no longer hear the sound of her departing vehicle, did they take a collective deep breath.

An hour and a million unspoken concerns later, the six young people crawled into the Crashdown café. They fell exhausted onto barstools and in booths amidst the lunchtime crowd. Uncomfortable silence followed them. Liz motioned to the back room, stood up and walked away. One by one, Max, Isabel, Alex, Michael and Maria followed.

In the backroom, the group huddled close. They looked back and forth, in silence,

until Maria spoke, “So Isabel, what do we have to look forward to here? You going to turn as green as that neon dot? Are you going to get fat, have raging hormones or what?”

Shocked, Isabel stared, open mouthed at Maria, but Liz beat Isabel to a verbal response,

“God Maria, what kind of question is that to ask?”

Indignantly, Maria argued, “What Liz? I think we should know if there are any stories we’ll need to start circulating. Women don’t get pregnant all by themselves, at least, not on this planet.”

Michael rolled his eyes and responded to Maria, “She didn’t get there all by herself,

Maria, but you make a good point. We need a cover. We need a story that people will actually believe. We need to find Tess and pump her for all the info we can get.”

Max objected, “No, not Tess, Michael. I don’t want her anywhere near us. We don’t

need her help. Isabel, we will take care of you.”

Isabel countered, “Quite frankly, Max, How are you going to do that? You can’t help me like she can. Tess scares me, but the thought of going through the next

year feeling like I have for the last six months terrifies me. I need Tess to tell me how to get through this and I need a story.”

Alex touched Isabel’s arm. She turned her eyes on him and rushed into his arms. Alex held Isabel tightly and said, “People already see us together. They see us holding hands

and kissing in the hall. If you start to show, people will just assume the baby is mine. We can just let them go on believing that.”

Isabel raised her gaze to Alex’s gentle face. She whispered, “You would do that?”

Alex flashed a small smile and nodded.

Next to Alex, Maria watched Michael carefully. He never flinched. His expression never changed. In the end, a small nod of Michael’s head, while Alex made his suggestion made Maria breathe easier and become a little less tense. Across from her, Liz rubbed Max’s arm and tried to soothe his tense body and angry mind. Max got everyone’s attention by asking, “And Tess?”

Isabel looked at Max and stated simply, “I need her, Max.”

“She’s trouble, Isabel.”

“She’s one of us, Max.”

“She’s a risk to us all.”

“Maybe, but she’s also my only hope.”

Max and Isabel stared at each other for a couple seconds, before Liz stepped in between them. Trying to maintain peace, Liz offered, “Why don’t we put it to a vote. We all have

something at stake here.”

Everyone nodded and Max called out “Against” and raised his hand. Slowly, he looked around. After a couple of minutes, it became painfully clear that he was the only one holding up his hand. Liz couldn’t look at him but she kept her hand down. Michael looked Max straight in the eyes for a moment, shook his head and looked away. Max put his hand down. He stepped back and leaned against the wall, his arms sternly crossed in front of him. Isabel cast sad eyes at Max before addressing the group.