Ooo, that hair, that rockin' bod,
His name spelled backwards? RiverGOD!
And oh, a man cannot go wrong
To wear a sweaty, leather thong.
The way he looks in those tight pants?
Those alien boys don't have a chance!

But then there's Larry, bold and brash,
Complete with red and itching rash.
His love for Jen cannot come close
To his passion for UFO's.
Yeah, all the girls sigh as he passes,
This hunk of man in horn-rimmed glasses.

And Milton! Ahh, he's quite the catch,
I know we two would make a match!
With alien stuff he's quite the whiz,
He even owns his own small biz...
And he's got so much energy,
What guy is studlier than he?

"Ed Harding"! Man of mystery,
His smile so strange, his head so free
Of hair. Oh sure, we know he will
Destroy us thoughtlessly, but still...
No hands are gentler than Nasedo's,
While dishing mounds of mashed potatoes.

These men of Roswell, oh, they're bad,
They make us swoon (like Alex's dad!)
We'd like to see a show devoted
To all these guys that I just noted.
Who needs Michael and Max to love,
When you've got all those studs above?

When weary of tightness of ab,
There's something to be said for flab,
And balding head and homely face,
And clumsiness and lack of grace.
These guys are HOTT! and, in addition...
There's hardly any competition!

So join me, here, right now, today --
I'm running out of things to say! --
Shout YES!! to my guys in this verse,
'Fore Harding morphs to something worse...
And to Michael and Max say NO!!
Hey!!