"Am I really considering this?" I ask myself. I walk around to the football field and sit down on the bleachers, with a million thoughts racing through my head.

It had been ten years since I had graduated; and I had tried to put the town of Roswell as far behind me as possible. When I received the invitation in the mail, I almost laughed out loud.

"You are cordially invited to attend the 10 Year Reunion of the Class of 2002" I read aloud. "Yeah, right" I mumbled, as I crumpled the invitation into a ball and threw it on the floor.

After Alex died, so many things changed about me. I could still remember a time when I actually smiled. I could still remember how it felt to be truly happy. But all of that was gone. I tried to think about that part of my life as little as possible. It was over, and there was no point in trying to live in the past.

I tried to go back to the normal routine after the truth about Alex's death was revealed. I decided against an early graduation, and finished my senior year. I took the easiest classes, and tried to spend as much time alone as possible.

All that time, I hardly spoke to anyone. Max was worried about me; and how I was shutting everyone out. Well, almost everyone*

But I had messed that up too. As a matter of fact, everything that was ever good in my life was ruined in one way or another.

Michael was a different story. He dropped out mid-way through our senior year, and got a job in some factory on the outskirts of town. Maria moved into his apartment after graduation. They were the same old Michael and Maria. She would move out about once every two weeks over some little argument, and then they would get back together. Michael seemed to be relatively happy. He really didn't have that much to cope with. After all, he hadn't lost very much.

Of course as soon as we graduated, Max and Liz got married, just as everyone knew they would. Sometimes I would visit them. There they were in their perfect little gingerbread house, with a perfect white picket fence. Liz would greet me with a hug and her perfect smile. Max and I would sit in the swing on the back porch and talk. Well, mostly he would talk*about work, and school, and Liz. He would tell me how happy he was, but every so often, I would catch him looking up into the night sky with a longing in his eyes. And his gaze would linger there just a little too long. And without a word I knew. I knew how much he missed her. And how often he thought of the son he would never know.

Max coped with his feelings by pretending that his life was perfect. I coped with my feelings by pushing people away. Max and I were always different that way. I never have really figured out which way is worse.

I remembered my last night in Roswell. It was mid-July, about 2 months after graduation. I was jogging aimlessly around the neighborhood. Jogging was another way I tried to cope. If the memories started invading my mind, like they always did, I would just jog as hard and as fast as I could until the memories were gone. But that night, the faster I ran, the worse it got. Flashes of images ran through my mind. Alex, Tess, Alex's car wreck. I couldn't make them stop. The next thing I knew I was there. Standing at his front door with tears streaming down my face.

"Hey, Hey" he said as he reached for me. I hesitated at first, but then I began to feel so weak. I can still remember the exact feeling. My chest was so tight. I felt like I couldn't breath. My head was spinning. My body went limp as I dropped to the ground sobbing. It didn't phase him. He had seen me in this condition once before. Without a word, he simply picked me up and carried me to the couch. He sat down next to me and ran his fingers through my hair.

"I*.." I began through my sobs.

"Shhhhh" He said. "You don't have to tell me anything. Just rest now. We can talk later."

He was always good about things like this. If I wanted to talk, he would listen. If I wanted to sit in silence for hours, he would sit there with me.

September of my senior year was when our friendship began. He came into the eraser room with one of the random girls he was dating so they could make out during 3rd period. There I was. Tears streaming down my face. I remember standing up when the door opened trying to dry my eyes with my shirt. But he knew. Before she could walk in he turned around.

"Kim, I just forgot, I left my car windows down, and it looks like it might rain. Is there any way I can just see you tonight"

I heard a sigh and footsteps as she walked away.

Then he stepped inside and closed the door.

"Isabel*"

I was so embarrassed.

"Look Kyle, I appreciate that and everything, but I really don't want to talk."

"We don't have to talk," he said standing in my way.

"Well would you mind getting out of my way then?" I said indignantly.

"Why do you always do that?" he asked.

"I don't know what you're talking about" I stated bitterly.

"You know exactly what I am talking about, Isabel. You act like you are the only one who went through all of that shit. You build up this wall around yourself, and don't let anyone in." Then his voice dropped a little "You aren't the only one who lost someone. Alex was my friend too, and Tess, she was like a sister to me. I don't understand why all of you people want to act like nothing happened."

I couldn't bear to hear the sound of those two names. I tried to shove past him, but he grabbed my arm. And that was all it took. I broke down again. I couldn't believe it. There I was actually crying in front of someone. I had promised myself I wouldn't let that happen. He sat there with me that day until I regained my composure. Then we talked through 3rd and 4th periods.

That was the start of our friendship.

And now there I was again. Bawling my eyes out on his couch. Finally, the tears stopped and I managed to relax. I drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

I woke up confused, until I remembered where I was. It was dark.

"Kyle?" I called out.

I heard a rustling on the ground next to the couch. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness I could see Kyle lying down on the floor. He looked up at me.

"I didn't want to leave you alone" he said. At that moment, something came over me. It was almost like I was possessed. I sat down next to Kyle on the floor, and the next thing I knew I was kissing him. It was this amazing, wonderful, emotional kiss. It was a kiss to tell him all of the things I had wanted to tell him for the past few months.

He pulled away. "Look, Isabel. I like you. A Lot. But I can't do this. The only reason you are doing this is because you are feeling vulnerable right now and*."

"Shhhh" I whispered, placing my finger over his lips "We can talk later."

And that is how is happened. Kyle and I made love. And it was passionate and emotional and everything I needed at that moment.

After it was over, Kyle fell asleep with me in his arms. But a thought plagued me. Every man I had ever been with had been killed. Because of me. I couldn't let anything happen to Kyle. I was much too dangerous of a person to be around.

I jotted out a short note and left it on the table.

Kyle,

I'm sorry. This just isn't what I want. It isn't you, but this won't work. You don't need me. I'm not good for you. Please trust me.

-Iz

P.S. Thanks for your friendship

So I left Roswell. While the rest of the town slept, I packed my bags and left. I ended up in a little town in Nevada, where I tried to make a new life for myself. Alone. That was the way it had to be.

And I never looked back.

Max would call me sometimes and tell me what was going on in Roswell. Kyle actually became sheriff. I couldn't believe it. Max told me one time that Kyle asked about me. I remember telling him to stop right there.

"Just do me a favor, Max, let me leave it in the past" I pleaded.

"But Iz, he just looked so sad when he asked about you. What happened between you two?" he asked.

"Max, I don't want to talk about it. Please don't mention any of this to me again. If he asks about me anymore, please, tell him you haven't talked to me."

After all of the work I have done to keep all of those things in the past, here I am. Actually walking into the highschool gymnasium for a ten-year class reunion. I walk into the room and look around. Max is standing with Liz next to the punch bowl. When he sees me, a look of shock appears on his face. After the initial shock wears off, he smiles.

"Iz, I never would have expected you to be here," he says.

"Yeah well, here I am" I reply, smiling. Still not knowing quite what I am looking for.

"Well come sit down at the table with Liz and I" he says, ushering me over to a small round table in the corner.

Liz sits down and begins gushing over my outfit, her job, and my haircut. I swear she has changed the topic 20 times in three minutes I have been here. But I can barely hear her. I am still looking around, hoping, waiting. Finally, I look up.

"Liz, I have to run to the ladies room for just a sec okay," I say.

"Okay" Liz replies, "But*."

I don't even hear the rest of the sentence. I get up and walk to the bathroom.

"What are you doing here Isabel Evans?" I ask my reflection.

I touch up my lipstick, take another deep breath and head back to the gym. I sit back down at the table to listen to Liz's rambling. All of a sudden something on the table catches my eye. I glance down at my napkin. There is something written on it. I pick it up, curious to see what it is.

Iz,

Don't apologize. I don't care how long it has been I still love you. We can make this work. I need you. You are the only thing good I have ever had in my life. Please trust me.

-Kyle

P.S. I miss your friendship too.

I can feel tears filling my eyes as I look up to see the face of Kyle next to me.

"I knew you would come back," he says, smiling.