{"id":41975,"date":"2020-01-19T11:13:27","date_gmt":"2020-01-19T16:13:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/crashdown.com\/news\/?page_id=41975"},"modified":"2020-02-02T11:29:44","modified_gmt":"2020-02-02T16:29:44","slug":"quotes","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/crashdown.com\/news\/episodes\/season\/two\/210-a-roswell-christmas-carol\/quotes\/","title":{"rendered":"#210 A Roswell Christmas Carol \u2013 Quotes"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"entry\">\n<p><small>Added by Lena<\/small><\/p>\n<p><strong>Michael:<\/strong> Come on, Maxwell. Just pick a tree. It&#8217;s freezing out here.<br \/>\n<strong>Max:<\/strong> It&#8217;s not so simple. This tree&#8217;s got to fall within certain parameters.<br \/>\n<strong>Michael:<\/strong> Parameters?<br \/>\n<strong>Max:<\/strong> Height, circumference, color, density of foliage. Look at this diagram. You know how Isabel gets this time of year.<br \/>\n<strong>Michael:<\/strong> The Christmas Nazi, driving everyone insane while trying to have the perfect Christmas. The worst thing you can do is play into it, Max. You&#8217;ve got to fight her. You&#8217;ve got to fight the Christmas Nazi.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Isabel:<\/strong> Max. This is, by far, the most pathetic Christmas tree I have ever seen. Did you even refer to my diagram?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michael:<\/strong> It&#8217;s a bumper.<br \/>\n<strong>Isabel:<\/strong> Yes, I see that.<br \/>\n<strong>Michael:<\/strong> For a Jetta.<br \/>\n<strong>Isabel:<\/strong> Hmmm. How did what I said yesterday result in this?<br \/>\n<strong>Michael:<\/strong> It meets all your criteria. It&#8217;s personal, because I personally know what a bug she has up her ass about how much we screwed up her car. It&#8217;s thoughtful, because I had to go to the junkyard and get it, and it&#8217;s something she would never get herself for the obvious reason that her bumper&#8217;s been hanging from a string for the past half-year.<br \/>\n<strong>Isabel:<\/strong> OK, Michael. This is what I&#8217;m gonna do. I am going to take the Christmas dog show off my calendar and take you shopping and rectify this situation.<br \/>\n<strong>Michael:<\/strong> No. I&#8217;m not gonna get obsessed over this present. This is fine. I&#8217;m not gonna make everyone else around me miserable.<br \/>\n<strong>Isabel:<\/strong> What are you saying? That I get obsessed and make everyone around me miserable? Michael: I didn&#8217;t say that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tess (to Kyle &amp; Jim Valenti):<\/strong> I have been cooking for 20 hours, while you two have been sitting back on the couch like 2 beached whales, not even noticing or caring that I am living here! Okay. I am here. Hello. Hello? So, since I&#8217;m living here, I should have a damn chair to sit in!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Added by Lena Michael: Come on, Maxwell. Just pick a tree. It&#8217;s freezing out here. Max: It&#8217;s not so simple.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"parent":41321,"menu_order":3,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"colormag_page_container_layout":"default_layout","colormag_page_sidebar_layout":"default_layout","footnotes":""},"coauthors":[2262],"class_list":["post-41975","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/crashdown.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/41975","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/crashdown.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/crashdown.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crashdown.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crashdown.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=41975"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/crashdown.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/41975\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":41976,"href":"https:\/\/crashdown.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/41975\/revisions\/41976"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crashdown.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/41321"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/crashdown.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=41975"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crashdown.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/coauthors?post=41975"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}