From the way my wrists hurt, I doubt I succeeded. Frowning, I try to move said wrist, and found it covered in bandages, so tight I couldn’t move it. I couldn’t reopen it….

Sighing, I open my eyes and see them start to focus on the white of the ceiling. Three heads poke into view, and I can see Maria start to cry. My heart aches, knowing that if I could, that is what I would have been doing now… what I have been doing for the past week.

The doctor comes in and tries to carry on a conversation with me, and I give him the best answers I can manage. All concentration is lost when my tarnished white knight strides into view, his face ecstatic, and then I see a blonde head, and my vision glazes over. I start to struggle wanting nothing more than to tear out of my bonds and kill her, but I was too weak to move. The only thing I could do was scream. I screamed into my throat was hoarse, and she was removed from my eyesight.

I quieted down, breathing heavily, tears swelling up in my eyes. I hear the doctor’s comments to leave me alone for a while, and I couldn’t help but nod. I liked the loneliness, the desolate feeling completely glazing over the painstaking nothing that is usually in my heart.

When I am under control, I open my eyes again, to that blank canvas of the ceiling, unmarred by people… The small radio continued to play, and I finally fell asleep after listening to the soft strands of oldies.

*

Feeling much stronger, I sit up in my makeshift sanctuary. The sterile white room is small and claustrophobic and my sense of relief sends a panic through me. I would rather feel pain then anything else. I clicked on the radio again, and switched it back to that delightful oldies station.

I heard the song, my favorite song that perfectly described Max and me and turned up the volume, singing hoarsely along with the Flamingo’s. “I only have eyes… for you…” I can hear my voice crack and tears roll down my face but I refuse to stop singing. “… I only have eyes… for you…. You are here…. And so am I…” Burying my face in my hands, I didn’t notice the other person in the room until I felt the hand on my shoulder. My tear stained face glances up and I smile in relief. Kyle. I can see the tears in his eyes, and I reach up for him. I find some semblance of relief with Kyle… something… maybe it was the bond we shared after he decided to help me out by pretending to sleep with me… or just being here all these years….

Wrapped in his comforting embrace, I let everything out. I told him everything I was feeling, what I had found out… I even briefly describe the pleasure I felt when I saw Max see my near dead. Kyle takes it all in like a man, tells me something about balance from Buddha, and then smiles. “You know what’s right, Lizzie. I’m here for you. I’ll do anything you need.”

My soft plea to him was more like a cry for help, I realize and I wince at the pathetic sounding appeal, and glance up at him. Motionless in shock, his eyes darting down to my bandages wrists before shaking his head. He was struggling against himself and I hated myself for making him bear the pain. Asking him to take my life… He loved me still and asking him to do that request was betraying his trust in me. I cried, my tears dry, and he wrapped me up in his arms.

I saw Kyle look up, my glance following his own. My eyes met with Max’s, and I could feel my insides burn. I enjoyed watching him from Kyle’s embrace, and I watched, as Kyle stood up, his eyes angry with Max. I didn’t hear the scuffle but when Kyle was knocked into my IV and ripped it out of my arm, I felt it. Both men stopped their petty squabble and rushed to me. Holding my arm, I laughed. A cruel laugh, nothing like my normal soft, happy one… it was malicious, cold and completely insane.

Reaching out for Max, I let my bloodied hand touch his face. His eyes were worried, and I smiled at him, reassuringly. I wanted him to know it was okay; that I was okay.

His eyes lightened and he kissed the less bloody palm. He ran to get the doctor, Kyle not far behind him, and I climbed out of bed, wrapping my bandages from my wrist to the still bleeding cut. Applying pressure, I quickly slipped on my coat and jeans, which had been left stupidly in the closet.

I left the room, walking quickly and with a purpose. I saw the doors at the end of the hall, and the light that seemed to nearly blind me. I heard Max, and I ran for the doors, pushing my way into the sun, freeing myself. I ran across the street and ducked into a side alley, when I saw Max come out of the hospital, his dark eyes searching the area.

Grinning maliciously, I kept running, and I didn’t stop walking until I got to the Crashdown. Grabbing a few pieces of clothing the money I saved up and the bank account number, and grabbed my cell phone. Looking briefly at the dresser, I took a picture of Alex, Maria and myself along with ones I had taken with Max before… everything. Shoving it in my bags, I grabbed my journal and started to dial a cab.

Knowing Max would look for me here, I climbed down the ladder, and told the cab to meet me over by the Old Soap Factory. Running, I put on my sunglasses and my hat, running from the life I had known. Running from friends and family…