I wake up from my nap and look around my room. I know my life is hell, how couldn't it be? I mean, I wake up, I live a tortured existence, and then I sleep. Although, I sometimes enjoy inflicting pain upon myself. What kind of life is that? The other day I was at school with Liz and she saw the marks on my arms. She tried to ask what they were, but I quickly dismissed her questions, saying it was just me being stupid. I don't know if Liz really bought it, but I don't give a damn. It's my body and I can do whatever I want to it. She has no control over me and she never will.

"I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves..
I wander over where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed..."

I walk down the stairs into the kitchen, my mother is out on yet another date with Sheriff Valenti. My mom doesn't care about me as much as she used to, all she ever thinks about is the damn Sheriff. How I dream that I had someone, how I wish I had Michael. I sound so fucking pathetic. Get a grip, De Luca.

"Goodbye!"

I reach the place where we keep the knifes, and I grab the longest one out of the bunch. It's time for me to forget my pain. I begin to run it up my arm, it's so beautiful when I scream out in pain. Blood dripping down my arm is the finishing touch.

"I wipe it off on tile, the light is brighter this time
Everything is 3D blasphemy
My eyes are red and gold, the hair is standing straight up
This is not the way I pictured me
I can't control my shakes."

"I hate everyone," I scream.

"How the hell did I get here? Something about this, so very wrong... I have to laugh out loud, I wish I didn't like this Is it a dream or a memory?"

Somehow, I let the knife dive all the way into my arm, it really hurts. I've never hurt myself this bad before, but I like it. I want more, I will have more. I drop the knife and grab a towel placing it over my arm. I walk back to where my room is located, and I look under my bed. A while back I found a gun in our attic, and I brought it to my room. I was going to use it to kill myself. However, I changed my mind, and never used it. Now, I will end my life, and be free.

"I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander over where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed..."

I finally find my gun, I kneel on the floor and rub the cold metal against the side of my head. It feels so good, all I have to do is pull the trigger, and it's all over. Everything is gone, they won't miss me anyway. Suddenly, I hear something, what is that? Oh, it's the phone, I'll just let the machine get it. I put the gun to my mouth, and push it inside. Just as I'm about to pull the trigger, I hear Liz's voice come through the speakers.

"Get outta my head cuz I don't need this
Why I didn't I see this?
I'm a victim - Manchurian candidate
I have sinned by just
Makin' my mind up and takin' your breath away."

"Maria, pick up, I know you're there. I have some horrible news. Maria, Maria, anyone. Something horrible has happened, you must call me back," Liz said frantically.

"I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander over where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed..."

I really don't care if Liz is having a tragedy, or what is happening with the damn pod squad. Do I give a shit? Nope, not really, they mean nothing to me. No one means anything. The world is just a place where you come and live, then die. Everyone dies, it's nature. I'm only pushing the inevitable. I can feel my saliva on the gun's barrel, some even drips out of the corner of my mouth. I just have to pull the trigger.

"Goodbye!"

I'm not that scared, I know it won't hurt too bad. I feel my fingers tighten on the trigger. It's now or never. No more Michael, no more life. I just want to be gone. The phone starts to ring again, and I know it's probably Liz. What is her problem? Do I really care? I just have to shoot myself. As I pull the trigger and the gun goes off, I hear Michael leave a message on my answering machine.

"You haven't learned a thing
I haven't changed a thing
My flesh was in my bones
The pain was always free."

"Maria, are you there? Well, please pick up if you are. I wanted to talk to you, I need you. Isabel and Tess died in a car accident tonight. Please call me, you're the only person I can turn to," Michael said.

"I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander out where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed..."

With that I died, Michael's pleading words being the last thing I ever heard.