Do they know how frustrating they are? I look around at them. Tess, Maria, Isabel, and Michael. No, they do not.

I guess I'm frustrating too. Isabel's face tells me that. "Alice, we can't force them to switch over!"

"Is, we aren't forcing them to switch over. We are just forcing them to open their eyes."

"Alice," Maria is frustrated. Isn't everybody? "There is a right way to do this, and there's a wrong way to do this. Cornering them and forcing your memories on them is. . . well, it's just WRONG! It would be a total violation."

"But they can't feel violated." Yet. I have to believe that. Because I will get them. One way or another. I will end Big's control.

"What about that guy? You know, that one who followed you and like, practically DRAGGED you back with him?"

Brown. I think of anything else about him. He is brown. I smile at the thought of him. Brown, just like Michael. Well, not like Michael's brown, but maybe one day. . . Maybe I love my brown other. As much as Michael. I don't know.

"How do we get him to switch?" I look up to Tess.

"We have to make him hate the idea of killing us."

"How do we do that." I hear something in Michael's voice. Anger, almost. He doesn't want my others. I shudder. It's almost like he doesn't want me.

"We make him see." ______________________________________________________________________

I watch from across the street. The music from the bar behind me is loud. It almost distracts me. I watch Isabel standing under a street lamp. I try to keep my thoughts covered. He can't feel me if I cover my thoughts. But I can feel him. Watching them. Waiting for me. Others are prowling tonight too. But they aren't close enough to be a problem. Yet. We have to work fast.

I see Max and Tess near the coffee shop. Michael shifts beside me. I almost don't recognize them with their disguises. That's good. I don't recognize myself either. I can tell its hard for him to keep his thoughts clear. He is worried about Isabel. Our bait. And he is worried about leaving Maria unprotected. But if all goes well he won't need to soon.

Isabel walks into the alley, away from the noise of the streets. The four of us follow behind in the shadows. Close, but not too close. He doesn't see us, I know. Even though he is hidden in the same shadows, I can't see him either. I can feel that he is conflicted. Maybe he already doesn't want to kill.

Oh shit. He blocks his thoughts well. I turn around as he grabs my arm.

"You ARE weak. You can't even feel us anymore." Hate is thick in his voice. But not in his mind.

I feel like I am going to faint. "You're wrong. You know you are. I feel more now than I ever have."

"I'm bringing you back. Tonight." I can feel a flicker of feeling in him. It goes as quickly as it came, but it doesn't worry me; it wasn't quick for me either. "You belong with us."

I move closer to him. It shocks him. Puts him off guard. "I know. That's why I'm doing this. To save you."

He growls at me. He grabs my other arm and lifts me off the ground. Trying to intimidate me. Even though he knows that I intimidate him. "I don't need to be saved. This is how it is meant to be."

I send him a memory. Our memory. I can't stop him from lying to himself, but I can give him that.

**We walk into a room. Naked. But we don't notice. Nudity doesn't mean anything. The tests are over, for now. The grueling tests that end in death more than once before they are over. But we passed. For now.

Standard issue clothes lay on a table in the middle of the room. We watch each other as we dress, tanned skin disappear under khaki and olive green material. Brown watching blue. Trying to understand everything that we feel that we've been trained against.

We walk towards the weight room. We don't want to kill each other. Love. It must be. We both feel it.

We practice karate. Knocking each other down. Half-heartedly at best. I pull him off the mat, and I kiss his cheek briefly. A butterfly kiss. An accident. A symbol of everything we've spent about thirty years trying to bury.

But, as brief as it was, it put them in action. Big comes in, followed by the four others. They were waiting for us. Waiting for us to slip. I know I am going to die. I know he is going to die. I hope that I remember that I love him when I wake up.**

I kiss him again. I love him. I remember. But it isn't like the kisses Maria gives Michael, or Liz gives Max. I kiss him because. . . I can't explain it. I don't understand it myself. I'm not in love with him, but I love him.

When you love someone, you love them for the way that they are. Isn't that what Max said. I love him because of the way he is. For the way that he could be. If he would come with me. He couldn't explain it to me, and I can't explain it to myself. But it makes sense. Because there are as many different ways to love some one as there are people on this earth.

He pulls away almost before I kiss him. But it doesn't matter. I got to him. My other, my brother. My brother? Maybe. No, not my brother. My friend. My friend who was the first. The first I couldn't kill.

They are behind us. They saw. I fall to the ground. He dropped me. I watch as my other runs away. He ran from me. I don't understand. When did he learn to run? I see a pile of dirt down the alley. I look at Michael. He won't look at me. He is upset. At me? At himself.

"Michael killed someone. One of them." I look at Tess. She can't be telling the truth. But she is. The pile of dirt feels like someone I know. Back when I was the same as her. _______________________________

"Michael?" I feel like crying. Wait, I am crying. Even if he won't. He's a stonewall, as Maria calls him. Even now, he's a stonewall. At least, that's what he thinks. He wouldn't even come inside the apartment. I couldn't leave him alone. I followed him.

"Leave me alone." He won't even look at me.

I cringe. I wish I were Maria. Not because I love him, but because she would know what to say. Maybe I should have went to get her. But I couldn't leave him alone.

"It's okay, Michael. She'll be back." I touch his arm. I show him the pods again. He jerks away and grabs my shoulders.

"No its NOT all right! It's NEVER all right! And you know it!" Now I pull away. I know it's true. I hate myself for trying to convince him otherwise. I turn to leave. He doesn't let me go. He holds my shoulders tight, until they ache.

"How did you do it before? How did you kill so many times before and never feel a thing? You're a freak, you know that? You're a FREAK! You have killed HUNDREDS of people! HUNDREDS!" I can't take anymore. I try to pull away again, but he still won't let me go.

I don't know what to say. What is there to say against the truth? "There were eighty-three. . . "

"But you killed some more than once!" Damned truth.

"I didn't know. . . I swear I didn't. . . " He doesn't know either. He doesn't know that he's killing me too. But I can't stop him. I need him to.

"No matter how much you try to change it, you're still a monster. At least I have the guts to admit that it's wrong, that what I did is wrong. But you, you sit there with your fantasies that you were innocent. That you didn't know. But you did, didn't you? You knew EXACTLY what you were doing. And you didn't try to stop it."

I wish I were dead. Because, somehow, I know that it's true. And I don't want it to be. I run.

I can't go back. I keep running. I don't care if he's following. He can't run as long as I can. As far as I can. He can't catch me. Michael hates me. I can't stop thinking about it. Michael hates me. Michael hates me. Michael hates me. . .

And I am a monster. I am a killer. I am everything they have ever called me. . . And Michael hates me. The hurt burns in my chest, but I fight it. Because Michael is right, and I don't feel anything. I don't know how. I don't deserve to. I am a monster. I wish I were dead. I think I am.

Because Michael is really gone, and I don't see anything. Everything has the same dull, lifeless feel to it. No, I just wish it did. ______________________________________________________________________

He found me. My brown other. But I won't let myself feel brown. Colors mean nothing to me anymore. I won't let them. But God, he is so brown. Just like Michael.

He walks up to me on the bridge. Walks up to my huddled form on the hard pavement. Hiding from the world, with the stars glaring angrily down at me. Because they know what I've done. He looks at me. But I don't put up my guard. I don't need to. Because he hasn't come to kill me. He has come to bring me home.

"Look what they did to you." It is said so simple. I see them appear out of the shadows, like the phantoms in my dreams, haunting me. The others. My others. I look into those brown eyes that first broke into my heart.

"I did this to myself. . . I did this. . . " I can't say anymore. I can't stop it. I cry. I don't want to cry anymore. But I can't stop. Memories flood me. I drown in them. I try not to think of a time when I thought that I could turn off the hurt. Because that would lead back to Michael. And he hates me. I can't think of him.

"Come back with us." I stare at the hand offered to me. I can't turn it away. It is the only thing left for me. Back. Back with them. My others. I can feel them all. Connected by thoughts. They call me. Call me to come home with them. I am part of six. I take his hand and stand up.

"ALICE!" That name tears through the night air. My name. It breaks my heart even as it fixes it all. All the hurt is gone. But it is there even more than before. I turn. They are all there. Eight. They came to get me. To bring me home. . .

I don't know what I want. I look at the eight. I look at the five. I don't know where I belong anymore. Nothing is that simple. I don't know what to do. Because I can't ignore the brown.

Michael's brown.

"Alice, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. You know it wasn't true! You know the truth." And I do.

"I can't do it anymore, Michael. . . It's too hard. . . I'm not strong enough. . . " I take a breath. "I am weak. Emotions have made me weak!" I send out what I feel. To everyone. And they are all equally affected.

Even my five. I can feel them feel with me. My hurt. My grief. My confusion. And through my self-loathing, I can feel hope. MY hope.

"Don't give up. . . " I can feel Michael's fear. I can feel my love.

"Alice, you belong with us! You always have." Kyle. I can feel my pain start to fade into the background as they all call out words to make me stay. But that's not is making me change. It is the love. I feel their love as clearly as I feel my own. I back away from my other, towards my friends. My family.

I feel confusion. But not my own. My others are confused. Conflicted. The emotions are too much for them. They take up guard. I feel arms grab me from behind. I turn my head. I don't see brown anymore. It is gone again.

"ALICE!" I look at them. The eight. Eight that make me belong in ways I don't understand.

"RUN! GO! JUST GO!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I watch as Alex and Isabel drag Michael down the road. As much as it hurts, it's all for the better. Because they can't win this.

I pull out of my other's grip and run. Away from Michael, away from my family. So that they won't get caught too. I run, but not fast enough. A blast hits me in the back. I fall over as five allies become my enemy. Because they want me back.

No, they don't. Big wants me back. And he won't let them care enough to want me too. And as the blasts hit me with the intensity of burning sulfur, I try to send to my Michael one last message before I am lost.