"I'm losing my baby, I'm losing my baby." She repeated in hysteria. Staring at her daughter with glazed eyes she admitted guilt. "I was wrong, my Maria, I was wrong. I am so sorry, I only did it because I love you."

Maria looked at her mother with pity in her eyes trying desperately to be understanding. "I know, Mom. I know. And I love you, but please, try to understand why I have to do this. He was my father, Mom, I have to go find out who he was. I have to find out who I am." Maria walked to her mother and wrapped her arms around her gathering her in a hug that spelt goodbye as tears were finally let loose from her own eyes. This was the first of many goodbyes she was going to have to make today, and she admitted to herself that the tears that were falling now were just the beginning. * * *
Promises mean everything when you're little
and the world is so big.
- Everclear
* * *

The eight of them gathered around a table in the Crashdown daring each other to speak first. They all had taken a sudden huge interest in their fingernails examining and biting them until they bled. All eyeing one another, Max, the leader, spoke first. "However much I hate to say it, you should probably get going. Your flight leaves in an hour." They all took that cue to stand up and start to exchange hugs and tears. Tess's goodbye was short, after all they had not really known each other and there had always been a bit of tension between them.

"Goodbye, Tess. Good luck." Maria pulled away from their embrace and smiled at the girl, who after all this time was still a stranger. Tess mumbled something that couldn't really be made out because she was trying to hold back her tears. Maria smiled and moved on. She moved forward and gave Kyle a short hug that spoke of their relationship. They always acknowledged each other's presence but he was too enthralled with Tess to really get close to anybody.

Isabel, the ice queen, could be seen melting. She took Maria into a strong embrace that was almost painful. "I can't believe I didn't trust you," was all that Isabel could squeeze out. "It has past," Maria said almost smiling because Isabel still felt bad after all these years. "Isabel, Max may be the leader, but you keep them together. Stay strong." Not being able to look at Isabel's face for fear her tears would start, she turned to Alex.

Hugging Alex, Maria started to cry unable to keep in the sorrow. "Keep playing, k?" With a short nod Alex tried to hide the emotion that was brimming. Maria kissed his cheek and found it to be as moist as her own. She looked him in the eye and with a look he knew what she was feeling. "I love you" they both spoke simultaneously. She pulled back and gave him an understanding look and moved onto Max.

She hugged him tight and whispered "Take care of her, you were meant for each other." He looked at her and smiled "You know I will. Take care, Maria, we'll come visit soon." As he stepped away, Liz started to sob because she knew it was her turn to say goodbye.

The girls retreated to the corner and held each other while they sobbed for the friendship that they were about to change forever. "I love you so much," Maria said. "Please, don't change. Never change." With that Liz couldn't find the strength to say anything but "I love you, I think you're breaking me." She looked at Liz through the tears she was shedding and kissed her cheek. "Don't say that, I'm always here. You know that." Liz nodded but couldn't find the strength to speak anymore. Maria's eyes flickered over to Michael and she started to walk over to where he stood.

She kept her face down staring at her shoes waiting for the inevitable. As Michael slid in front of her, she couldn't bring herself to look up let alone speak. He took her small hands in his own that made her smile weakly through her tears. He took a tendril of her gold hair and wrapped it around his shaky finger as he said "I always thought I would be leaving first." She moved her gaze over his face and let it rest on his eyes. "I know I've done a lot of things that I'm not proud of ..." She placed her finger on his lips to silence his voice. He swallowed hard and continued. "I'm going to miss you like hell, Maria." She opened her mouth to respond but he had not finished. "I know that we haven't been together for a while but ... god, and I thought I missed you when you were here." He leaned over to kiss away the tears that were quickly replaced. He kissed her lips letting her taste her own pain and his.

She pulled away and looked at him. "You, of all people, have to understand why I'm doing this." He nodded gravely because he couldn't find the words. "We've been through a lot of pain, perhaps we can take this time to heal." She kissed him lightly and when he tried to deepen it she stepped away afraid that she would never leave.

She stepped out of the Crashdown toward the cab that was waiting for her. She turned back to see what she was leaving. The girls with their tear streaked faces finding comfort in their partners. And Michael alone. Again. She wanted to run toward them and tell them that she had decided to stay, but in her heart she knew she had to do this. San Francisco would be good for her.

Michael just stared at her and she stared back as the cab pulled away. She saw a single tear roll down his face and almost told the cab to turn around. Almost.

* * *
Every new beginning comes from
some other beginning's end.
- Semisonic
* * *

Maria gazed at the house in amazement. The estate was left in her name and everything else was left to a charity. The house was old Victorian style with two turrets and intricately designed doors. "Michael would love it," was all that she could think. She immediately tried to suppress the thought with little success. She headed inside to find it dusty and dingy, just the kind of project Maria loved. She immediately started to clean it, but it was a big project.

Three months later she stood in front of the house, her house, and saw the outcome of her project. Each day, when she returned from work, there was mail for her from somebody back home. The letters were usually from Liz or her mother and she made it a nightly ritual to reply to them. Occasionally she would get one from the others. Michael's came often at first, telling her about his everyday life and how it was empty without her but soon the letters trickled off. Today was the first day she received one in weeks.

She brought the letters in and brought them into her special room. She lit candles all around the dome shaped room and laid down on her back in the middle of it. She had bought hundreds of the sticker stars posted on the ceiling with her first paycheck to try to replace the stars that she had left. She glanced at the arrow constellation she had spend so much time trying to recreate and felt a twinge of guilt. She hadn't returned the last four letters Michael had written, not for laziness but because she couldn't. The pain she felt when she would start to write was too great to bear, so she avoided it. She opened Liz's letter and smiled. The feminine writing always so neat and never a mistake, it was so typical Liz. Tears started to well as she read.

Maria,

Hey, how are you? I can't believe we're going to be together in a month! I can't wait to see you, everyday I go to work I remind myself why I'm busting my ass. I'll call you soon to work out the details once I book the flight and everything.

So, how are the gigs going? I bet they're so much better than your day job ... however much fun filing papers is! One of these days, Maria, one of these days ...

Anyway, I should wrap this up, but just so you know Michael's been asking about you. He's hurt that you don't write him back. Maybe you should call him. Talk to you soon.

Love Liz.

Maria folded the letter and placed it back into the envelope. She picked up Michael's letter and actually debated whether to open it. The writing on the envelope was scratchy and masculine with no sense of emotion, she traced each letter with her fingers until she finally decided to open it.

Maria,

I'm not going to ask why you haven't returned my letters, more so because I'm scared to hear the answer than for any other reason. I hope you're liking it there, I know that you've always wanted something more than Roswell, now you've got it. I have to admit, I'm jealous, but if I could choose for anybody to have their wish, you know it would be you. Take care.

Michael.

Tears streamed down her face as she tacked this letter up with the rest of them on her wall. It was her own little Roswell shrine. Whenever she got a letter from Michael she would return it and post it up next to his picture and his letters. She got a pen out and started to write.

Dear Michael,

I love you. This is the reason I don't respond to your letters. Because I love you. I'm just starting to find myself, I can't leave yet.

Love Maria.

She shivered as she tacked her own letter next to Michael's and picked up the paper to write Liz back. She poured herself a glass of wine and started to write.

Liz,

I can't wait to see you either. The gig's are going fine, they're more frequent which is good ... I think. The money's coming a little bit easier now and things are going surprisingly well although I miss you guys like crazy. You know I do. As for Michael, I explained it before, one of these days he'll ask me to come home and I won't be able to say no. It's not that I don't want to go back to Roswell, I do, I just need to find some stuff out. I better go, I'll write more tomorrow.

Love Maria.