>~`!23#4fhlkewf;4-0fr24-0eoi@#7y409ti-035g0petkbe[povkkrj[JKLYHIUT*&Yhieprf-woeijkfhr3wuhfoiwjrf0op8794fnmowerhf029ir302I-3q9u4326e9832re39jh098jh~!#^(&(&jrjkf[wrkfp[wlf]p[wlf[prkpojrjfprjnjwoho#%&)

"Wonder if the decoder will work today," Liz thinks. She inserts Alex's decoder disk...YES!

Liz,

Seems we're always too busy to talk at work or can't talk without others hearing. I take it that you and Max are still not exactly a thing again. My head tells me to give up on Michael. I'll never get through that brick wall he's built around himself. My heart still wants to try. Believe it or not, I think I made a little crack in that wall. He quickly plastered it over, but by God I think I got through...if only for a minute. I need to show you the neat thing he made me. I think it was his way of thanking me for helping save his life. He gave it to me, then quickly said something to the extent that "if he's ever dying again, please don't help save him as he doesn't want to be in debt to anyone." No way do I ever want him to need me like that again. I want him to need me for the things we can share. I think I made an error asking why he didn't even thank me. I didn't want thanks. I did what I did because it was the right thing to do. It never occurred to me at the time that if I helped, he'd have to be grateful to me. I only later asked him if he had no gratitude to maybe get him to acknowledge that there were others besides Max and Isabel that cared about him. I think he knows that now, but he's too afraid to admit it. It might put another crack in his wall and he may be getting low on plaster (I hope). Anyhow, what's the latest? M

PS
Does this Alex encryption thing have chat mode?

(Reply)

To: mariade@wall.hit>
Fm: Liz@stepback.net>

Maria,

Well, there's been one small step for womankind. Max asked me to the dance next week. Maria, Max is one scared man. I wrote him a rather lengthy epistle that I hoped would make him think. I bore my soul. I told him how sorry I was that I froze up during the Michael rescue. If that problem with Michael hadn't happened, I think I'd still be very happily seeing my man daily, hourly. The thought of losing Michael made him think he's far more vulnerable than he really is. Not just physically, but emotionally too.

He wrote back that, after saying otherwise, he really did blame me for a short while for not jumping in to help. He says he doesn't anymore and he's comfortable with my promise that I'd never, ever fail to act to help again. He wants to believe it...I think he does...but I'm almost going to have to prove it before his lingering doubts go away. I don't want to have to...not because I couldn't...I'm over that... but because we don't need any more situations like that, ever. He's scared to death that something might happen to Michael (or Isabel for that matter) and he'd be even more alone. I see where he's coming from. Just imagine you're him and for ten years the only people you had to lean on were those two. He's got three more now. His head realizes that, but I'm not sure his heart does yet. That is my challenge...and I let him down at the wrong time.>Besides that, he's scared his mother is close to his secret. Same problem...she'd be even closer to him if she knew. She loves him no matter what. He, unfortunately, he has the opposite problem there. His heart tells him that's so, but his darned head (and I would suppose Michael) tell him otherwise. He also is afraid I (we) can't keep his secret. He says he doesn't blame me for telling Alex, but he criticizes me for letting Alex get so close. He's afraid he can't control his emotions around me. He basically said we can be together sometimes if it's a "group date". He didn't use those words, but that is what he meant. He needs his support group. I see no alternative, if I still want him, to go along with that for awhile. He's still afraid he might have to run for it someday. He can't even think about what having a family life might mean because of that. Even if he climbed that mountain, he's afraid he's not human enough. I tried to tell him he's more human than he thinks. He is really what the Evans' reared him to be. A normal human 16 year old in many ways. He's a reflection of them, because that's all he's ever known. He's so hung up on the "differences" he's trying to hide he can't see the obvious. He even brought up how he could never have a child because creating a human/alien child might be playing God. One way or the other, I just know in my heart a relationship with me can work. He can be as normal as anyone. He broke my heart when he said he wasn't worth the risks I'd have to take to be with him. To me, it's not worth what I have to endure not to be with him. My challenge...indeed all our challenge will be to make him see that there is now more to his world than Michael and Isabel.

He'll never be divorced from them...or they from him...nor would I want him to be, but he needs a different kind of help than they can or will give him.

It's just he is scared to look beyond them. I've got to get him to realize that he can look to me...or you...or Alex with absolute trust. His letter tells me there is a small degree of hope I can still have him. He said some things that tell me he's alternately listening to his head and his heart. He said he couldn't plan a future life because he'd have to imagine life both with me and without me. He said he wasn't worth giving up a "normal life" for, but he asked me if I could do it? He says he's addicted to me, but then he says that's OK if we can control it. He says he has to just not think about some things to cope, then he brings them up. My challenge is to get his head and his heart on the same page. Any advice you could give me on doing this would be wonderful. I'm going to write him again, but not for few days. He said he'd read by mail about 100 times. I hope he reads it another 100.

You know...I have this deep feeling that the key to this...especially the trust issue...and maybe even a key for you and Michael... is Alex and Isabel. Of our three "new" friends, you know Isabel is really the most "human". She get's it, I think. We're here. We're probably not going anywhere. Just keep the secret and experience life. It's simple. Why do Max and Michael make it so "complicated"?

Speaking of Alex, he may be our key, but right now he's having a "normal" crisis himself...not as bad as Max...and for different reasons...but I've got to teach him about our new "normal" situation. Wish me luck! ( Oh...and as for a chat mode...if I know Alex I'd be surprised if the thing couldn't make a chocolate shake with Tabasco sauce in it.)