Maria: Ok, this better not be barney or Seinfeld or else I’m gonna scream.

All of a sudden on the screen, you see Alex in a sultan suit and Isabel in a genie costume. All of a sudden, you hear...

Alex: Ready for our magic carpet ride?

Isabel: you know I am, I’ve been ready for a long time.

They start ripping each others clothes off.

Maria: (as she's watching) OMG! It's like the porno version of Aladdin!

Michael sits down next to her.

Michael: No, it is the porno version of Aladdin. (he smiles)

Liz walks through.

Liz: (squints her eyes and sees the tape)Oh, this is interesting. Although they are only amateurs when it comes to role playing. Based on a Disney movie? Interesting premise, and a bit kinky, but still not up to my level of satisfaction.

Maria: Your level of satisfaction?!

Liz: Well, you know, I've been trying to open them up to new sexual ways since we all moved in. Finally they go at it, and its in the premise of Alex's childhood mind, which is sort of ironic, considering its what makes him a man.

Maria: So, what would you suggest they do?

Liz: I don't know, get creative. But until Isabel and Alex can get passed all of this childhood stuff, they will never have a fulfilling sex life.

Michael: So Liz, when do you start writing for Cosmo?

Liz: Write for Cosmo? I am so passed that magazine. It's readers are no where near the level I’m at. Let me just say I’m very experienced.

Cut to confessional...Liz...

Liz: Hi, I’m Liz parker, and five days ago, I had my first real orgasm with Max.....but then the really amazing thing happened, I came! I mean, I had never had a real one before, I always faked it. But I don't know....It was like amazing. It was...chemical. I saw stars, let me just put it that way. (She blushes and smiles as she picks up her whip off the ground, and you see her decked out in full leather) Which reminds me....OH MAAAAAAAAAAXXX? (she whips the ground and leaves the room)

Cut to scene...Maria...bathroom...

Maria starts to cry. She's hunched over the sink bawling.

Michael: What's wrong?

Maria: Everything. Look at this...(points to the sink, in lies her aqua bra) It popped! My life is over!

Michael: Your life is not over!

Maria: Yeah, how would you like it if I dyed your hair blue?

Michael: My hair? blue? NOOOOOOOOOO! (runs out screaming)

Cut to confessional...Maria...

Maria: Ok, so my aqua bra is officially gone. They are on special order so I can't buy any. I don't know what to do. I’m actually thinking of getting my breasts augmented. I don't know, but when I talked to Liz about it, she seemed a little...mad...

Cut to scene...Maria and Liz...

Liz: Please, please, please do not go Britney spears on me. That's the worst thing I need right now.

Maria: Hey, I thought you would agree with Britney considering she posed like that for rolling stone, at the age of 16, in such a suggestive sexual manner.

Liz: Well, there's a difference. You see...Britney spears does not know how to be sexy. She thinks dressing up like she's two turns guys on...it doesn't...with the exception of Alex. Real men like women. Women who look good, not trashy. For example, that girl from the WB who was just in Maxim. Now that girl has class.

Maria: That girl also has breasts, unlike me.

Liz: Maria, you are fine the way you are. Look at me, I’m smaller than you are. You have nothing to worry about, see, I get laid all the time. There is nothing wrong with you.

Maria: Then why won't Michael notice me?

Liz: I don't know...We have to figure a way so that he will notice you...let's see we have to find his passion. I did that with Max and the krispy kremes and it worked. So let's see, what is Michael passionate about?

Maria: Uh...his hair?

Liz: his hair! Right! Ok, so this is what we do....

Cut to confessional...Liz...

Liz: I felt so good helping Maria out. She needed some reassurance because she was so upset over the aqua bra. We even had this little burial for it outside. It was quite sad, it seemed as if she had lost a part of herself in a way. But anyway, we finally figured out the perfect bed time outfit for her to wear.

Cut to scene, Michael and Maria...

Maria comes in, wearing a bra and panties, only the bra and panties are made of fake hair.

Maria: Uh, Michael?

Michael is there sitting reading the hair magazine. He looks up.

Michael: Maria! You look so...hairy!

Maria: I know...you like it?

Michael: I love it! Hold on, let me come right back...

Maria says to herself: Ok, I guess he went to get the condom.

Michael comes back with the hair products.

Michael: So how do you want to style them?

Maria: I want you to style me! Look at Max and Liz...they can't be separated from each other from having sex. But you, you can talk about hair all you want and forget about our sex life. Why, why is that Michael?

Michael: maybe its because I love hair too much.

Maria: Ugh! Duh! I knew that! I’m talking why can't you love me like you love hair?

Michael: You can change hair, fit it to your own personality. I can't change you, I don't want to. But I don't think we mesh well together.

Maria: Well maybe its because all you care about is your stupid hair!

Michael walks over to the mirror...starts brushing it.

Maria: Michael! How could you do that?

Michael: Listen...this isn't about me, or about you, or about our stupid relationship, its about the hair. If you can't see that, you can't see me.

Maria runs out crying.

Cut to confessional...Max...

Max: So I just came back from the health food store, and this is what I found. (dumps bag on table...you see "Viagra milky ways: otherworldly pleasure," "Viagra M&Ms: Yours will never melt," "Viagra Peanut Butter Cups: There's no wrong way to get you hard," and "Snickers: Not going anywhere for a while? can't get it up? Why Wait? Grab a snickers? For a fast and easy way to get an erection." Now, I don't know which one to pick.....

Cut to scene...Alex watching south park...

Alex: (laughs) ha! this Cartman guy is so funny...OMG! they killed Kenny! again? God, this kid gets killed a lot.

Cut to scene, Alex walks in the door, wearing his new Kenny costume. He walks into a house meeting...

Alex: Hey guys.

Isabel: Uh...I like the new costume.

Alex: Thanks.

There's a ring at the door. Alex opens it. It's an evil alien. He shoots Alex.

Liz: OMG! They killed Alex!

There's a brawl. Michael fights the alien and wins while Max saves Alex.

a week later.

Alex: Uh....Max...

Max: yeah?

Alex: My life began when you saved me.

Max: Oh Christ! Not again! Ok, I am not gay, and no I will not love you.

Alex: Uh...I was just gonna say thank you and that I realized how much I truly love Isabel. I want your blessing so that I can propose to her.

Max: Propose?

Alex: yeah.

Max: Not in that woody costume you're not.

We see Alex is wearing his woody costume.

Alex: Oh. (lowers head)

Max: Let's look through your closet. I think the Bulwinkle one will do a more appropriate job.

Alex: Ya think?