So I’ve been thinking a lot about that time dimension thing Nicholas used on us. In fact, my scientific mind has been on overdrive ever since I got over the shock of everyone, including myself, disappearing. It seems so astounding to me that time can exist on multiple dimensions as Courtney described. My understanding of time and space isn’t complete enough that I can really understand what happened, but it makes me curious. I’d love to look on Brody’s computer again to see if his computer recorded any details about the electrical disturbance. I really want to understand what happened. Unfortunately, there's really no excuse for me to check out his computer. Oh well, I do know that the device created an energy field, which somehow instilled multiple time dimensions in Roswell. Maria destroyed the device by creating an electrical field near it. The electrical field disrupted the device somehow and the device blew up. I’d love to know exactly how it worked though. I’m also wondering about the lost time. We couldn’t call out of town, so I’m guessing no one could call into town either. It was like Roswell was lifted out of time somehow. Does that make sense even? Time obviously passed in Roswell. The clocks moved, and when I got back to the Crashdown everyone was complaining that their food was cold. But when everyone in the town reappeared it was like no time had passed. Their watches were the same and their time coincided with the time outside Roswell. This is just too weird. My head is beginning to hurt just thinking about it.

Maybe the reason I prefer biology to physics is that in biology you have more definite answers. The answers aren’t always easy, but they can be found, eventually. Physics seems much more complex to me. There aren’t as many answers and the answers are much harder to find. I never really thought about time as a living entity that could be manipulated until Max came back from the future. I guess it's not really living, but it obviously can be manipulated. The Granolith was used as a time machine. It manipulated time and space. Max said that it was modified to create a tear in time space. Then there was Nicholas’s device. It created a multi-dimensional time field. This is so unreal to me. This is the stuff that you would expect to see in a science fiction movie, not in real life. All this makes me wonder how much time has passed on Max’s home planet since he was sent to earth. Time is different there, but how different? And exactly how long does his race live? And what about the Skins? Their husks live 50 years, but how long do they live on their home planet? There are so many questions, but no answers. It gives me lots to think about though.

I talked to Maria a little earlier. It turns out Courtney killed herself instead of giving information to Nicholas. Maria didn’t find out till yesterday. She was kind of hurt that Michael didn’t tell her the details right away, but I guess he just didn’t want to talk about it. I think Courtney and Michael had grown kind of close, not like he was in love with her or anything, but she was a link to his home, his past life. I can see why he would feel close to her. I feel bad for Maria though. She wants to be closer to Michael, but he’s not the easiest person to get close to. Seeing Courtney and Michael together was really hard on Maria. Maria wants to have that kind of connection with Michael. It is too bad Courtney died. She could have been a tool for Max and the others. She knew about the war and the Skins here on earth. It’s kind of cold to think like that. I am sorry she’s dead, but I didn’t really know her so I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about it. Mostly I'm scared. I'm scared that someone close to me could die. A year ago I never had thoughts about my close friends dying, but a lot of things have happened over the last year. I can't dwell on it though. It certainly doesn't help to dwell on it. Courtney seemed nice enough. She seemed like a regular person. It’s odd to think that she was a Skin. That she had looked the same for 50 years. I wonder where the rest of the Skins are and if they are coming for Max and the others. I don’t think that Nicholas brought all the Skins with him. I think there are more out there, somewhere. This is another topic I shouldn't dwell on.

I’d really like things to return to normal, but somehow I don’t think that will ever happen. I would also like to prepare myself for what may happen next, but I don’t know how. I’m living without a plan for the first time in my life. I’m going through the motions of school, work, studying, and planning for my future, but in the back of mind I know that my future is very uncertain and there is really no way to plan for it. The realization that aliens are among us is pretty much the real focus of my life. They’re all over the place and from what the future version of Max told me, they might take over the earth one day. It’s a lot to think and worry about.

I’ve been wondering about the alternate time line where Max and I were together. Did the trip to Copper Summit and the Skins coming to Roswell happen in the alternate timeline? I wish Max had told me more about it. I understand why he didn’t and I guess it shouldn’t matter because we did change the future, but I just want to know more. I mean if we destroyed their husks in the other timeline and they didn’t have the Granolith, they must have found another way to survive on earth, but if we didn’t destroy the husks in the other timeline, maybe the future has been changed enough so that I don’t have to continue to keep up this lie.

I know I’ve said it before, but this lie is eating me up inside. Maria never asked about what I brought up in the car with her and Kyle, so I don’t have to worry about her yet. But still the lie is out there and sooner or later she’s going to find out and she’ll know it’s not true. I guess there’s no use worrying about that yet.

I have been thinking that I should try talking to Max. We were friends once. I’d love to go back to that. It doesn’t seem right that it’s just over. We cared so much about each other. I still love him and even though I can’t be with him, I still want to be part of his life even if it’s only as a friend. I know he still cares about me. He came to me, to my room, when he saw how upset I was about the town disappearing. He was also concerned about me going out to the billboard with Kyle. Those looks we exchanged when the town disappeared were not just my imagination. I know he’s hurt because of what he thinks happened between me and Kyle, but it doesn’t seem right that it’s just over. I know I can’t be with him, not in the way I really want, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends again, does it? I certainly hope not. I can’t take the silence any more. He doesn’t even look in my direction during the classes we have together. I haven’t talked to him since he came to me in my bedroom when the town disappeared. Maybe I’ll try talking to him in school tomorrow. I can’t let things go on the way they are. I just can’t.

Wow, long entry. I guess I had a lot of things to talk about. It's good to put it down on paper. Now if only I could talk to someone about it all. Maybe someday.

Journal entry twenty-one…

We talked about the death of a Red Giant in class today. I guess it was a quite an astrological event. I really wasn't paying close attention. As the teacher was talking about it, I was thinking about the flashes I got from Max in February. One of the things I saw was a star system with Red Giant. I wonder if it was the same star. That would mean it had something to do with Max and his home planet. Of course there are millions of stars out there. There is really no way for me to know for sure that it was even the same solar system, let alone the same star. Just talking about it in class took me back to that time. Max and I were so happy then. We actually talked to each other. We laughed and had fun together. Remembering that time gave me the courage to approach Max after class. He could barely look me in the eye. It’s not like I blame him. I know I hurt him. If only I could tell him the truth. Explain to him what’s going on. But I can’t. I’ll never be able to. But there has to be a way we can move beyond this. I know he still cares about me and I know he needs me, even if it’s just as a friend. Before we were together, we were friends. He would come to me and tell me about problems he was having with Isabel or Michael. Now we’re nothing. I don’t like it. I'm not ready to give him up. I need him. We’ve shared too much for it to be over like this. The coldness, the hurt feelings, it’s just too much. I have to find a way for Max and me to move past it. I just have no idea how.

Journal entry twenty-two…

My second attempt to talk to Max was yet another failure. He says he needs time. I hope that’s all it takes. I can’t have him hating me for something I didn’t even do. It’s hard enough to keep up this lie without him hating me. I’ve hurt him so much. I wish I could take it back or make it better somehow. I wish I had found another way to change the future. A way that didn’t hurt Max so much. We’re all supposed to get together tomorrow night at the UFO Museum to discuss things. Max didn’t even tell me about it, Maria did. I don’t want to go. I guess I will, I mean how do I explain not being there. This is never going to get easier, is it.

Journal entry twenty-three…

God, I’m exhausted. I didn’t sleep at all last night, well I tried to nap on a chair in the UFO Museum, but it didn’t work to well. Alex managed it pretty easily though. The guy can sleep anywhere. I’ve seen him sleep in a booth at the Crashdown before. Okay, I’m getting off topic here, I guess I could really use some sleep. Before I sleep though, I need to write this down. It’s too unreal. I wouldn’t believe it except I saw it with my own eyes. It seems the second set of pods Michael learned about were duplicates of the set Max, Michael, and Isabel were in. I don’t know a lot of details, but I met 3 of the 4 duplicates last night. They said the 4th died in a street accident. They were all dressed pretty radically. I guess because they grew up in New York. I’m having a hard time wrapping my mind around this right now. It’s just so unreal. I’m not sure why they are here yet or how they knew about the second set of pods. I mean Max and the others just found that out. I’m also wondering if they had a protector like Nasedo and if they did, where is he now? This is mind-boggling. I think I need some sleep. I’ll get back to this later.

I almost forgot. Maria is mad at me for not telling her about the duplicate Michael kissed me and she also thinks I’m insane. I tried to explain to her why I felt odd about being at the meeting without telling her any details. It don’t think it worked out too well. She just looked at me like I was crazy. Not that I blame her. I wish I could tell her. I wish I could tell someone.

Max didn’t really talk to me at the meeting. He brought up the death of the Red Giant though. I guess Brody tracked some signals about the same time the star exploded. It does seem kind of odd I agree, but I had nothing to contribute. I wish I had some excuse not to be there. Regarding the kiss from duplicate Michael, I still don’t know what to think about that. Why would he do that? He said he was getting the lay of the land, but it still seems odd to me. Okay, I’m really going to sleep now.

Journal entry twenty-four…

I want to scream or hit something. Of course he doesn’t trust me. Why should he? I’ve been lying to him for weeks. I can’t believe he’s leaving Roswell and who knows if he’ll ever be back. What about Michael and Isabel? They are his family. Not Rath and Lonnie. He may need Tess, but he also needs Michael and Isabel. Dammit, I can’t believe it that this is good. Why would he do this? It doesn’t make any sense. I know he’s had a rough time lately, but there must be something going on here I don’t know about. The Max I know would never leave Isabel and Michael.

He gave me back the Christmas present I gave him last year. He said he needed to make a clean break. I remember when I got him that gift. I was at the mall with Maria and I decided I wanted to go ahead and get Max a Christmas present. Maria thought it was silly to buy something so early, but Max and I just started dating and I was thinking of him as we were shopping. Just the though of him made me smile so I went ahead and got a knife for him. It wasn’t anything extravagant, but I got it engraved with our names to make it more personal. Of course when I gave it to him we weren't actually going out, but I decided to go ahead and give it to him. Even though we weren’t dating, we were able to see and talk to each other. It was uncomfortable at first, but we were friends. There wasn't a betrayal or a secret keeping us apart.

Tonight he said he couldn’t even be my friend. He was still holding on to what we used to have. You know what, part of me is holding on to that too. Part of me was hoping that we could become friends again and that our friendship would grow into something more. It’s not impossible that Max and I could be together and Tess would still stay in Roswell. Her and Max have grown closer over the last few weeks. It's hard to watch to them grow closer when I know they share a history, but it doesn't seem like it's anything more than friendship. Anyway, I can’t see her leaving any time soon. Its not like she has anywhere to go and she’s really becoming one of the group now. Before she was a bit detached from everyone, but now it's different. Max, Isabel, and Michael have accepted her as a friend and ally. Of course now both Max and Tess have left Roswell, maybe for good. It doesn't make any sense!

Then I told him to be careful about the Granolith. What was I thinking? I shouldn’t know anything about the Granolith. It’s not like Max and the others have even figured out what it is or what it does yet. I don’t know what it is either, but I know it’s powerful and I know it can be dangerous. It was used to create a tear in time space after all. Something that can do that can’t be good in the wrong hands.