Added by Lisa
Maria: Wait, did you just say Guerin?
Teacher: Yes, Michael Guerin.
Maria: No, no, I’m sorry. That’s unacceptable.
Teacher: I beg your pardon?
Maria: I mean, this is like cruel and unusual education. I mean, aren’t there, like, Geneva convention rules against this sort of thing?
Michael: This is it. The thing from my dreams.
Isabel: Can we get back to the part where you got arrested, please?
Michael: Look, it’s over, ok? Max fixed it.
Maria: Hey, wait. Uh, what’s your favorite ice cream flavor? We have to do this completely queer history project for tomorrow.
Michael: Sorry, I’m busy.
Maria: Wait, will you just answer these questions, ok? Uh, um… who’s your favorite relative?
Michael: Get lost, all right? I’ve gotta…
Maria: What? You’ve gotta what? What?
Michael: You driving somewhere?
Maria: Yeah, to the lift-off gas station to drop off a box for my mom.
Michael: The one near the highway?
Maria: Yeah. So?
Michael: So, give me a ride and I’ll answer your stupid questions.
Maria: Ok.
Max: I don’t watch much television. You?
Kyle: America’s Most Wanted. I watch it with my dad. All right, all right, let’s get to the good ones. Ooh, uh…what’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you?
Max: Getting adopted, I guess.
Kyle: I’m gonna shed a tear.
Max: What’s the best thing that ever happened to you?
Kyle: Winning the statewide junior rifle competition.
Maria: You do not watch “The View”.
Michael: Keeps me in touch with my feminine side.
Maria: You’re telling me to get out? This is my car. Actually, it’s my mother’s car, and if anything happens to it, life as I know it will be over. So, wherever it goes, I go.
Michael: Fine. You had your chance.
Maria: Oh, my God. You’re kidnapping me. No, wait, you’re abducting me!
Kyle: Trouble in paradise? So soon?
Isabel: The perfect Liz Parker lying to her mother?
Liz: Yeah, well, at least she knows what species I am.
Maria: You.. .you are going to be arrested.
Michael: For driving to Texas?
Maria: Across a state line with a minor? In a stolen vehicle? There are laws, you know. And that cell phone you just tossed? Vandalism of personal property. God, I just… I knew you had criminal tendencies.
Michael: What’s exactly wrong with my driving?
Maria: I told you not to go over 80. The engine won’t take it.
Michael: Maybe it’s just tired of hearing you talk.
Michael: Are you happy now? Go ahead, tell ’em I kidnapped you and I stole your car. I mean, what’s one more arrest on my record, huh? Damn it!
Maria: What do you mean, this could be the most important day of your life?
Michael: Forget it.
Maria: You have 20 seconds to convince me.
Maria: I’ve really gotta pee. See…I, I’ve …I have this like really weak bladder condition and I drank a Big Gulp at the last station, and it had caffeine, you know, so it makes me have to go even more. So he was just driving really fast so we could get to the next station so I could pee.
Liz: I was just trying to be nice.
Isabel: Well don’t, ok?
Liz: Isabel…I’m…I’m not trying to take him away from you. I mean…I could never even do that.
Isabel: I know.
Liz: But what if you guys found something in Marathon? Would you take him away from me?
Maria: Did you pull on the chokey thing?
Michael: Yes, I did pull on the chokey thing.
Maria: Come on. Wiggle your nose, blink your eyes, do the Samantha-Jeannie alien thing. Come on.
Michael: I can’t.
Maria: Why not? Come on! If there’s ever a time to have secret powers, now is the time.
Michael: They’re not secret powers.
Maria: I don’t care what you call ’em! Just use them and get us out of here!
Michael: I’m not that good at it, all right?!
Michael: Your car sucks!
Maria: And so do you.
Maria: Wait a minute. Ok. You kidnap me, and you blow up my car, and you expect me to spend the night in here with you?
Michael: Not exactly my fantasy evening either.
Maria: It’s like the porno version of Aladdin.
Maria: What, uh… what other human urges do you feel?
Michael: Not if you’re the last woman on Earth.
Maria: Ditto.
Maria: So, favorite ice cream flavor?
Michael: Pistachio.
Maria: Pistachio… favorite TV show?
Michael: Win Ben Stein’s Money.
Maria: Ok, favorite book?
Michael: James Joyce.. .Ulysses.
Maria: You have not read Ulysses.
Michael: “What incensed him the most was the blatant jokes of the ones who pass it all off as a jest, pretending to understand everything and in reality not knowing their own minds.” Page 655…told you you wouldn’t understand. Next question.
Michael: Substitute a spaceship for a limo, and you know what i mean.
Michael: I don’t suppose we could share?
Maria: Not if you were the last alien on Earth.
Maria: No no. You don’t think–I mean, that is, like so unreal! I mean…come on, would you tell them?
Michael: Come on, honey, we don’t have to lie.
Isabel: I believe you. The day Michael calls anybody honey, it’s all over.
Michael: So I guess you’re here to be supportive, as usual?
MAX: No. I’m here to clean up your mess as usual. Michael, what were you thinking?
Liz: You don’t belong here, Kyle. This is none of your business.
Kyle: I don’t know…I don’t know what I ever saw in you.
Liz: No! No more secrets from us! Maria and I, we are a part of this now. If we don’t know everything, how are we supposed to protect ourselves? And how are we supposed to help you?
Michael: We don’t need any help!