Into the Woods Review

From SciFi Ign:

Roswell, Into the Woods

review: The kids go camping, the sheriff goes Scooby, and Liz gives the most boring voiceover ever.

January 27, 2000

Sci-fi Bits
A UFO sighting gets everyone all hot and bothered.
Juicy Bits
Alex mistakenly thinks Isabel wants to date him.

OK. Everyone keeps telling me nothing happens on this show, and I have to say that was sort of true for this episode. Basically, the kids just went into the woods to check out some UFO sighting (and, of course, to bond with their dads!), and then they found some symbol and that was it. However, there were many, many random details that merit a mention. Let’s count ’em off, shall we?

1. “I’m Liz Parker, and I have a cold, and this is the most boring diary entry ever.” You know, Liz, there are worse things than having a cold. I don’t ever hear you complaining about your really bad menstrual cramps, but whatever.

2. Liz’s dad says, “We never talk anymore.” Like they ever talk. Like Liz even has parents except when it’s convenient for the episode.

3. Liz’s dad thinks she using drugs. Was it just me, or was this whole plot device executed with a certain kind of panache and flair not seen since the heyday of Three’s Company? I mean, really.

4. Alex drinks out of a twisty straw. That’s just funny. I didn’t know they even still made twisty straws.

5. Maria wears giant, white furry boots. What, is she preparing for a secret Rebel mission to Hoth?

6. Liz’s dad refers to Michael as “the guy with the hair.” I like you, Liz’s dad.

7. Whilst on the camping trip, Kyle reveals that he wants to break his bratwurst-eating record. Um, gross. Kyle is really not the catch they were trying to make him out to be. He has even less business being in the opening credits than Alex.

8. Has it occurred to anyone else that the sheriff has all the basic personality traits of a Scooby Doo villain? If only it hadn’t been for those meddling kids (and their supernatural powers) he’d be onto something!

What means this word, ‘parents’?
Anyhow. Honestly, not much else happens. Michael walks around the forest with River Dog. Maria gets all sassy on Michael’s ass. And that’s about it. Oh, and the sheriff reconnects with his dad. Not sure if this is meant to be touching or creepy, but it’s a little of both. Until next time, my friends, I will be waiting for Isabel (shamefully underused this week!) to get her own spin-off.

— Sarah Kuhn wants a twisty straw