Transcript of Colin On “Tonight Show”

Thanks to Maria for this.

Colin Hanks on Jay Leno

My next guest is a talented young actor who stars on the alien drama,
“Roswell”, on the WB. He’s also starring in the feature film “Get over It”
which can be seen in a theater near that guy (you). Please welcome Colin
Hanks!

<<>>

Colin: (to Kevin Eubanks) Can I just say that that was one of the most
impressive guitar solos I’ve ever seen? Amazing guitar solo.

Jay: Oh, yeah?

Colin: Yeah, I just had to say that right away.

Jay: Do you play guitar?

Colin: I play the bass guitar, so, but, I mean, any solo of that caliber is
definitely due praise.

Kevin: Oh, thanks, man.

Jay: Oh (in a different voice, mocking Kevin) You’ll be on again, young man.
I think you’re doing quite well in the showbusiness thing.

Colin: Thank you. Thank you.

Jay: I was talking to her (Sigourney Weaver) about the alien thing, you do
another, like, alien..thing…

Colin: Yeah, another alien themed program.

Jay: Are you an alien person? Do you believe in it? Do you hear from, like,
people that want to commune with you?

Colin: I-I’ll believe it…until someone disproves it. That sort of thing,
you know, it’s like no one’s said that they definitely don’t exist, no one’s
said that they actually do exist. So I’m gonna give them the benifit of the
doubt that they *do*, until someone says “Look, they…really don’t exist.”
And then I’ll say “Alright, well, you’re the wiser.”

Jay: That’s fine, and just put it to bed at that point.

Colin: Just put it to bed at that point, yeah.

Jay: I mean are you afraid of any of those kind–do you have any fears?

Colin: I’m deathly afraid of spiders. Arachnophobia is–

Jay: Spiders, now they proved those are real.

Colin: (laughs) Those are definitely real, those are definitely real, I’ve
had some horror stories, that just, make me just, absolutely– I see one and
I will jump back ten feet.

Jay: Really? So if you’re at a girl’s apartment “Colin, there’s a spider in
the tub”, you just *run*.

Colin: I run. My girlfriend actually has the job of getting rid of the
spiders over me.

Jay: Really?

Colin: I won’t do it. When I was in fifth grade, the fifth grade class where
I went to school, had a pet tarantula. And there was sort of this rule that
if you wanted to graduate fifth grade, you had to let the tarantula walk over
your hand, or you had to pet the tarantula. I said “Look, I’m not doing that.
If I don’t graduate fifth grade that’s fine, cuz I’m not gonna touch the
spider” but when the tarantula had shed, when a tarantula sheds, it almost
looks like there’s another spider.

Jay: Well, at least that’s safe.

Colin: Literally, and it’s intact, and I said “Well, I’m not going to touch
the actual live tarantula, but I’ll touch the other one” so they put it down
on the table, and for about five minutes I’m getting ready to touch it, and
*right* when I’m about to touch it, my friend Dean blows on it, and it moves!
And I jumped out, and I ran out of the classroom, screaming, crying (in a
goofy voice) “Dean, that was not funny, man! I thought it was dead! It
started moving and I thought it was alive!” (regular voice) From that point
on, no, I will not even go close to spiders.

Jay: Wow, so you haven’t been to school since fifth grade.

Colin: (laughs)No, never graduated.

Jay: Maybe you should go to one of those arachnophobia schools or something,
you know, they put it on your face…

Colin: I know, well, you know I watch that on Maury (Povich) every now and
again, and I’m thinking “should I do it?” No, maybe I’ll just apply to
college.

Jay: Sure, sure, you have to kill spiders. That’s the manly thing, because
you know women have all these other things, that’s the only thing left for us
guys.

Colin: I’ll pass, I’ll pass. No, no, that’s ok. Thanks for the advice, though.

Jay: OK, Well, I know you from the WB, but I guess, now, your first big break
was your dad’s film, course your dad Tom Hanks, “That Thing You Do”, which I
liked, but I don’t remember you in the film.

Colin: That’s because I wasn’t…really..in it. Really. It’s funny because,
my dad did a really cool thing, (was) he put me in the credits at the very
end of the film, I’m known as “male page”, and I had two scenes, and he wrote
this movie, so I had two scenes with no dialogue. I was escorting Liv Tyler
up the stairs to the Hollywood Television showcase, and in the other scene I
was escorting her to her seat. And the scene with the seat was the one, was a
little bit longer where I’m looking at her and “Yeah, she looks cute” and
“OK, that was it” and that was sort of like my big scene. Well, my big scene
got cut, and now it’s just the scene of me just walking up the stairs. And
that’s it.

Jay: We have the scene, here’s is your acting debut?

Colin: My acting debut.

(They show the small clip of Colin and Liv in “That Thing You Do”)

Jay:I tell ya, you know, I tell ya–

Colin: It’s about five seconds. About five seconds…

Jay: For that brief moment, I actually felt you were walking up those stairs.

Colin: I was walking up those stairs, I was escorting her to the Hollywood
Television Showcase. And that’s like you know, “He was in his dad’s movie,
“That Thing You Do”, I was in it for five seconds! That’s not anything you
should mention.

Jay: No, that’s alright.

Colin: But no, but I dig that you mentioned it, so now that we can finally
clear it–

Jay: No, if I can humiliate and degrade you with it, that’s why I’m here.

Colin: Please, by all means!

Jay: Now tell us about “Get Over It”.

Colin: “Get Over It”, uh, the title sort of says it all, it’s about this guy
who’s been dumped by his girlfriend, and he thinks it’s, was, you know, it
was meant to be, and they were supposed to live together happily ever after,
and she dumps him and starts dating someone else, and he goes to great
lengths to win her back, and actually joins the cast of a musical
Shakespeare, a musical performance of a Shakespeare play that is horrendous.

Jay: To try to win her back.

Colin: To try to win her back, and of course he doesn’t win her back, and
ends up falling in love with my kid sister.

Jay: Well, here, let’s take a look. We have a scene, here it is. Now what’s
happening here. (pointing to the TV monitor, about to play a clip)

Colin: This is me, and our buddy Dennis, played by Sisqo, and Ben Foster, Ben
Foster’s the guy that gets dumped, so we’re going to take him out for a good
night on the town.

(They play the clip from “Get Over It” with Carmen Electra)

Colin: Cuz he wants to see IDs. “Show me your ID or I’ll blow your head off.”

Jay: I like the gun pulls a gun in a strip club.

Colin: Yeah, “Let’s see some IDs”.

Jay: Now have you ever been dumped? Have you been through that whole–

Colin: I’ve been dumped, yeah, but not anything too bad, I’ve had my heart
broken, yeah, but nothing so bad that–

Jay: Wait, we have to pause for an “awwww”. <<>> Did you
ever get this “But we can be friends.”

Colin: Oh, I got, Yeah, I got tons of–

Jay: Con! Con!

Colin: Tons of ‘friends’ stuff.

Jay: And do you remain friends, or do you just wanna–

Colin: No, actually, I’m actually very good at actually remaining friends,
and trying to keep in contact–

Jay: You try to keep in contact, but they’re busy having sex with that other
guy.

Colin: (laughs)

Jay: “Hi, I’d like to talk to my friend now, but I’m having sex with Larry.”

Colin: (laughs)Yeah, exactly.

Jay: It’s very hard. But you got an “awww” out of it, and that’s important.

Colin: I got an “awww” and I’ll definitely take an “aww”.

Jay: It’s always good to get one of those…when you’ve been dumped.

<<>>

Jay: Well, terrific, the film is called “Get Over It” and it’s playing in a
theater near you. Colin, thank you, nice to meet you. Colin Hanks everybody!