This was written by the talented Jude, who posted it on the message board, and gave me permission to post it here. It’s brilliant, so enjoy it!
If you like it (and I know you will!) drop Jude an e-mail and let her know!
The War: A Poem.
Once ‘pon a time, such a short while ago
In a small town called Roswell, in New Mexico
There lived three, among the residents there,
Who came from another place, no one knew where.
Some said from “up north”, but no one was sure
If that meant Wyoming, with skies so azure,
Or some mentioned Canada, (in a way very crude,
They called them “Canucks” — now wasn’t that rude?!)
But what the Roswellians couldn’t have known,
Was the three were from someplace that ET might phone!
They all looked like humans ‘round the age of sixteen,
And while they had powers, their skin wasn’t green;
Isabel, Michael and Max they were called,
All of them beauties, not one of them bald!
Now Max loved since third grade a sweet girl named Liz,
(And if that’s not true love, well then who knows what is!)
She worked in the Crashdown, a UFO diner,
And Max was convinced no one could be finer!
So day after day, he’d come in and he’d stare
As Liz would wait tables, but he’d never dare
To speak to her – no, he was way too shy.
Besides, he wasn’t some regular guy.
He knew he and Liz were not meant to be,
Since she was a human, and he was…ET!
But then one day Liz accidentally got shot!
Max had to save her – he covered the spot
With his hand, and amazingly, healed the big wound,
“You’re all right now,” he so tenderly crooned.
Then off he did speed in his trusty old jeep
Leaving Liz with a really big secret to keep!
Now Liz is IN LOVE, and she tries to convince
Max to let go, be her sweet alien prince.
Yet Max always tells her, no ifs, ands or buts
They’re not meant to be. (What the heck? Is he nuts??)
Now Maria, who’s fair Liz’s wacky dear friend
Likes Alien Michael, whose hair stands on end.
He kidnapped her once on 285 South
And found that she had a sarcastic big mouth
And though he would angrily tell her to quit it
He secretly liked it, though never admit it!
He’d say he needed her help at a stake out,
But most of the time he just wanted to make out.
Now just like his friend, he is turning away.
Maria is “Teflon” – at least that’s what she’d say…
She pretends she’s immune to the spiky-haired dude,
Whose luck is as bad as his poor attitude.
And then there’s the sister of Max, Isabel,
Who used to be only concerned with her swell
Face and figure, till dreamwalking made her discover:
It seemed goofy Alex did secretly love her.
So now Alex knows, and they all are in danger
Some FBI guys, and what’s even stranger,
Topolsky the teacher/counselor lady
(Who’s FBI also – now isn’t she shady?)
And Sheriff Valenti are all after our guys
They hide behind buildings; he watches and spies.
You know that one day they all hope they will see
Our three heroes on “Alien Autopsy”.
So this is “Roswell,” yes, we love it quite madly.
And we need our next fix, and we need it real badly.
As week after week, we feed our addiction,
We can’t seem to separate true fact from fiction.
We LOVE Max, his soulful brown eyes make us pant,
We’re carried away — can we stop? We just can’t!
And Michael’s fine lips are for sure like no others’!
We’d be his Maria, if we had our druthers!
So here is the story of the Roswell fan boards
And though you may think that we’re out of our gourds
There’s a war going on, between two separate factions
Proclaiming their own (some would say weird) attractions
Over who is the better? Is it Brendan or Jason?
(But some say it’s neither – it’s Bill Sadler they’re chasin’!)
The Jason admirers call themselves Dreamgirls
(But sometimes a better name might be “Extremegirls”) –
They drool over Jason’s deep eyes and strong arms,
These are, they attest, only part of his charms!
Now Brendan has fans, just as many, I’d say
Who lust just as much, in their own special way,
For his cheekbones so sharp, just as sharp as his wit,
Yes, for them their Fehr-haired guy is the one, he is IT!
So who will succeed in this war of the words?
Will it be the Dreamgirls, or the Fehrian birds?
Well, here is the answer, if you all want to know,
It’s neither, you sillies, (I still love ya, though!)
The winners are those who, when push comes to shove,
Can like both the guys – hey, there’s TWO times the love!
And that means the answer (if anyone cares)
Is the winner’s *my* group, those waffling “Fehrbehrs”!