Transcript of Colin on Conan

We found a bunch of mail that was misdelivered this weekend, and this was in there. Joan sent this in a few weeks ago. Better late than never???

COLIN HANK�S INTERVIEW WITH CONAN O�BRIEN
(Show aired on 03-25-00 at 12:35 AM on NBC)

Note: Jim Fowler (with his animals) preceded Colin�s interview)

CONAN: My next guest currently stars on The WB television series Roswell and, starting today, you can see him in the brand new movie Whatever it Takes. Please welcome Colin Hanks.

COLIN: (Comes out, waves to the audience, shakes hands with Andy and Conan; music is too loud to hear what he�s saying but it looks like �Pleasure to meet you.� He turns, waves to the audience again and sits.) These are comfy.

CONAN: Thanks for being here.

COLIN: Oh, it�s my pleasure to sit in such a comfy chair.

CONAN: Isn�t it nice.

COLIN: Very nice.

ANDY: There might be monkey pee.

COLIN: Well, that�s all right. That�s all right.

CONAN: There�s monkey pee everywhere.

COLIN: Oh, that�s OK.

CONAN: That monkey had a lot of coffee, on it�s way here�Now, you know, it�s funny, we, I guess, met in Los Angeles�

COLIN: Yeah.

CONAN: This is the first time I saw you, we were doing a week of shows�

COLIN: A week of shows out there.

CONAN: In Los Angeles, and you were nice enough to come see one.

COLIN: Well, I�m just such a huge fan of this show. I mean, this show is the best on TV as far as I�m concerned (big cheer from audience) and I was just such a huge fan.

CONAN: You know what I like? You said that just the way I trained you to say it.

COLIN: That�s right, I�m well trained. But, yeah, but I was really nervous, so I was just hoping I wasn�t making too big a fool of myself. Because I met you at that party, at that one hotel�

CONAN: Right.

COLIN: a couple of nights, and then went to that taping a few nights later�

CONAN: Right.

COLIN: and I was just really nervous. So nervous that I had like a nightmare after the first time I met you. I had this strange nightmare�

CONAN: Is this true? Are you serious?

COLIN: I�m being totally serious. I had this nightmare that I was holding you hostage and trying to get you to do all the bits on the show. I was like �Come on man, do�do the President, do the President� and your like �No man, I talk to the President.� �Well, I don�t care, just do it man, come on man, I mean your Conan, do it.� And I was�for hours and, and I was like �Where�s Andy?� �Well, Andy�s not�� �Well get Andy in here, come on man, let�s go.� and I was�and the next time I�

CONAN: This is just a dream you had�you don�t�?

COLIN: Just a dream.

CONAN: You don�t act on your dreams?

COLIN: But, I was just so afraid that I made such a fool of myself, blabbering, and then when I saw you after the taping, it was all I could think about. All I was thinking about��OK, just be polite, don�t blabber too much, be polite and then just leave, be nice because you have a lot of people to talk to.� And all I was just thinking was �God, I was holding this guy hostage for like two hours in my dream.� It was ahh�oh it was�

CONAN: That�s so weird because we�re not�I don�t think either one of us is used to people like getting nervous around�you know what I mean? We�re sort of on the�we�re at the 12:30 spot, you know what I mean? That�s the nice, the fringe, the crusty fringe of show business.

COLIN: You guys are gold in my book, man.

CONAN: Well. that�s very nice of you. Now, you work on this show with a lot of young actors�

COLIN: Yeah.

CONAN: Lot of good looking people on this show�

COLIN: Yeah.

CONAN: and you shoot scenes outside, apparently a good portion of the show.

COLIN: Yeah.

CONAN: Are there girls, this is the part I want to know about, are there girls that just hang around, try to meet you?

COLIN: Well, we shoot all our exterior stuff for Roswell, down in a city called West Covina, that�s sort of out by LA, and whenever we�re out there it�s sort of like a big thing. And God bless all the fans, cuz they all sort of ditch school and come out and hang out and watch us work. But�

CONAN: (laughs) So do that kids, remember�

COLIN: Yeah, please, please do.

CONAN: Leave school and watch a television taping.

COLIN: Exactly. But, unfortunately, because I�m sort of like the geek on the show, I don�t get the girls on the show, I really don�t get the girl fans either (audience �awws� and Colin says to audience �Oh, God bless you.�) They always go for Jason or Brendan so I�m always� you know, there are people who are always asking me to sign pictures and they�re never of me. And I mean, they�re never of me.

CONAN Like, here�s a picture of Ernest Borgnine, could you sign it?

COLIN: Exactly, any picture, they just want me to sign something. And it�s really funny, because there was one day where I was walking back to my trailer and I�m walking down the street and I see this girl on the other side of the street and she sees me and she�s running across the street, she�s holding this magazine, and I know that it�s not a picture of me. And she come up to me, she looks at me, she looks down at the picture, which was, of course, of Jason, and says �Hey, I watch the show a lot, keep up the good work.� and then ran across the street again.

CONAN: No signing?

COLIN: No love.

CONAN: You should have grabbed it and signed it really quickly�

COLIN: I know, I should have.

CONAN: all over Jason�s face.

COLIN: But she just ran, she just made a B-line straight to the other side of the street, so there was nothing I could do.

CONAN: Now, on the show Roswell, you have a lot of friends that are girls�

COLIN: Yeah.

CONAN: your character�

COLIN: Yeah.

CONAN: and in the movie that you�ve just done, you have a lot of friends that are girls, is that something that�s true in real life? Do you have a lot of�

COLIN: Yeah.

CONAN: sort of girl friends, not girlfriends but�

COLIN: Yeah, very much so. I think that�s the one thing that really is, sort of, that�s a lot of me whenever I do stuff. You know, it�s cool because, you know, I have all these friends that are girls so I have all the bonuses of getting all the dirty secrets that they tell. They are always asking me like all this information, like, you know, �Should I do this, should I do that?� �Yeah, yeah, do it!� So I got all this�I have this�

CONAN: (laughs) What are you telling them to go do, Colin?

COLIN: Well, it depends on the situation.

CONAN: Sure, �Yeah, yeah, they�ll never miss the money, go ahead.�

COLIN: So basically�.so I have all the benefits of having relationships with girls except I�m not gay. So that�s the only thing, you know because�

CONAN: So, you mean, what you�re saying is that it�s just sort of a neutral relationship.

COLIN: Yeah, I have, you know, because everyone�Gay guys are the best friends for girls cuz they will go and pick out shoes and dresses and what not, so they get all the time with the girls, really.

CONAN: Right, right.

COLIN: Well, I do too, I�m just , you know, I�m just not gay. Not that there�s anything wrong with that.

CONAN: Yeah, you�ve said that twice now. �I�m telling you, I�m not gay!�

COLIN: I�m not, I�m not, I�m not.

CONAN: You know, that�s funny in a weird way when women are almost too comfortable around you, to tell you stuff. I�ve had that experience where women are just too comfortable around you�

COLIN: Oh, way too comfortable.

CONAN: And you�re like �Well, wait a minute, I am a sexual threat!�

COLIN: Exactly.

CONAN: (grunts like a man then in a somewhat falsetto voice) �Oh, not you, you�re goofy.�

COLIN: I�m the cutesie one, the baby face.

CONAN: Trust me, I know what you�re talking about. Well, Roswell is on The WB Wednesday�s at nine but it�s moving to Monday�s at nine on April 10th.

COLIN: April 10th.

CONAN: And Whatever it Takes is in theaters now. Colin, really cool having you here.

COLIN: Thank you so much. (shakes Conan�s hand)

CONAN: You�re a good man, thanks for joining us. Good luck on your show too. Colin Hanks everybody. We�ll take a break; Keely Smith is coming up.

COLIN: Shakes hands with Andy and waves to the audience.

CONAN: (After Keely performs and comes to speak to Conan she asks if she can touch his hair.) Seriously?

KEELY: May I touch your hair?

CONAN: This is creeping me out almost as much as Colin Hanks (points to Colin).

CONAN: (At closing of show he thanks Keely and then) Our thanks to Colin Hanks for being here. He�s going to have another dream, very soon, involving all of us. Our thanks to Jim Fowler for being here tossing animals around at random. Andy Richter, Jimmy Vivino and the Max Weinberg 7. Stay tuned for Friday night. See you next week. Bye bye.